To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

There's only one reason he deleted them and its not because he (so he says) won't be helping her any more.

Well that would be a red flag for me.

Perhaps this new mum has postnatal depression. She may not recognise it.
And maybe that is why she is struggling to cope.

Well seeing as the OP stated that she never got help bringing her baby up and downstairs and gave the slings she had used at that time to her neighbour I reckon she might well have children herself! It seems the dad has conveniently forgotten that detail.

Do you have children yourself?

A taxi-driver can help get her pram in the taxi. I expect it's cos she doesn't want to pay for a taxi. But tell her you've got to cut back on expenses & it's costing too much giving free rides every day.

The fact your husband got funny about it makes me wonder if something's going on between them. PLUS where is the male who got her pregnant?

NDN isnt your friend. NDN should be sorting her own affairs UNLESS its an emergency. If.you were friends then that is different - but there should be no expectation from her and it should be two-way help. I think you are right to nip it in the bud now or else it would have continued.
I dont think she is after your DH. She wants a hand - which is understandable. However she needs to be independent and this starts now.
Not intending to come across as harsh. Takers generally increase their demands and retaliate unreasonably when told no.... as seen here. Texting your husband like that is dirty!

I’m sorry but NDN needs to get a grip. I’m a single parent. You have to get on with stuff and make things work for you. This NDN is scheming and manipulative and that kind of intervention will cause trouble in your relationship eventually. The father is likely someone else’s husband. She hasn’t suddenly developed this kind of behaviour. Strap the baby on and carry her own shopping up. Or it won’t hurt to collect her own shopping if baby is safely in the cot. If she can’t manage the pram, she needs to rethink where she lives. Honestly who moves into a top floor flat when they have a baby on the way. It was a major consideration for me when I moved. The issue isn’t helping out a NDN, the problem is the way the NDN is dealing with it making a bee line for your husband and not asking you for help instead. She should have more respect.

Not a terrible idea.

Book a family holiday get away.

She crossed a line by messaging your husband to complain about you, the fact your husband can't see that is quite worrying.

You partner is the problem also! What is he wanting to do? Play happy families with her? Just keep your distance from her, block her and just say to him if he going to be going to her to help that it's going to impact your family unit, and if it continues you need to consider options because this is not want you want for yourself or family going forward.

Hi all been awarded dla for my son
Was backdated fro Nov 2024
I have made a claim for care allowance and still waiting for backdating it's been 4weeks and still nothing .

This is either weaponised incompetence on her part, or she needs to see a GP.

By this rationale, we could also postulate that the NDN is a scheming horrible bitch who is out to get the OP's husband.

To me, the OP sounds nice and the NDN and husband do not. I would be gutted if my husband treated me with such contempt.

It's not all day every day. It's carrying a pram up and downstairs most days, and occasionally carrying a Tesco delivery upstairs. Help for ?medical? appointments has been refused.

I can see that it's a bit annoying, but nothing more than that, and certainly not threatening divorce territory, especially when he doesn't mind doing it. It really is no big deal, and the OP claiming it interrupts her time with her husband is weird. Is she as jealous and lonely when he takes the bins out, or goes to the loo, or - heaven forbid - goes out and sees his mates?

We only have OP's side. What we know of her is she's threatened divorce over this, and told a woman who has asked for lifts to what I assume are medical appointments that she can't help, and thinks so little of her husband that she thinks he's enjoying being a hero.

He sounds nice. His wife doesn't.

Sure but lets look at the husband's behaviour here for a moment shall we?

1. His wife has kids. He has given this NDN her mobile number to ring without her permission for when he isnt there. This means that not only does she ring the husband, when he isnt available, she is ringing the OP for help whose number he didnt even ask if it was ok to give out. He did this without her permission or discussion.
2. He has told his wife she is unkind when NDN has slagged her off to him via text and is triangulating her with this NDN
3. He is apparently "sulking" and refusing to talk to his wife rather than inviting an adult conversation about it

Do these behaviours sound to you like a kind and supportive husband? because they sure dont to me. He sounds like an absolute twat who thrives off attention from other women and is taking it out own his wife that he cant have that. The husband is lacking in insight and empathy here in buckets.

The minute she messaged your DH she revealed herself. She’s after him. Nobody with any self respect would ask for that much help.

That still doesn't make it the OP's husband's job to help her all day and every day. She needs to work this out herself and not be crying to him behind his wife's back.

OP, I hope you are finding lots of jobs that need doing now that you have a super helpful DH!

When you had your children, assuming you are a mother, were you not in parenting groups or on forums where some women coped really well with being a mum, and others didn't? Where some mums had PND and others didn't. Where some had a strong support network of friends and family as well as partner, and others didn't.

I don't find it incongruous at all that the OP could cope with the stairs and the neighbour mum needs a bit of help. OP liked wearing slings - plenty of mums don't. I loved them, but couldn't put on a wrap sling on my own and struggled with back carries, always.

This idea that if one woman can do something or cope with something, then all women should be able to, is extraordinarily lacking in empathy and insight.

Shall I say it again?

The OP mentions 'the message where she said she didn’t know how to say and didn’t want to say but she has cried all afternoon and is stressed after my visit and that I wasn’t kind'

Reminds me of when dsis was struggling down plane steps with toddler and baby whilst bil was leaping to help complete stranger with her case ahead of her. It went in dsis’s (large) book of bil’s black deeds.

I can’t imagine that the OP’s dh is having an affair with this girl but, like my bil, enjoys being Mr Hero. If one’s own dh helps you, it’s an appreciative grunt at best, whereas a stranger will be falling over themselves with gushing gratitude, which must feel good I expect.

The needy neighbour is taking the Mickey, but if OP complains she looks like the bad guy.

I’d just have a heart to heart with dh and say the neighbour texting him has hurt her own feelings and that they should be helpful to neighbour, but OP is worried she’s over-relying on them.

Why isn't this help being directed towards OP? If he has time to help the neighbour there is almost certainly plenty he could do within his own home, and he could be doing his own family's shopping instead of taking the neighbour to do hers.

Plus it's inevitable that it will start impacting family life - OP won't be able to get to an appointment because he's out in the car giving neighbour a lift, he won't be around when one of the children has an accident, neighbour still expects his help when he has a work deadline or OP is ill, etc etc.