To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

I can see why you are annoyed, you give an inch and they take a mile, she does seem incredibly needy.

BUT, if my DH told me I couldn't help someone and went round and told that person behind my back not to ask for my help as I'm not going to give it anymore I'd be really annoyed with him.

Your DH can decide how much help to give, it sounds like you don't trust him more than anything.

Did he help YOU this much when you had babies? If not, he needs to realize that he is crossing more lines than an Etch-a-Sketch. What's next? Babysitting? Taking her and the child out for fresh air. Someone to accompany her to the park? Someone to help her create another baby? Seriously, where does it end? WHEN does it end? She'll keep on crossing the line until she is stopped. Has she borrowed any money or other items besides what you gave her?

I know that some people are able to resist that type of manipulation, but it sounds like your DH is not one of them.

Boundaries exist for a reason, and your CF neighbor and your DH need to learn that PDQ!

Feel free to show him this thread. Oh, and YANBU! At all.

It’s not about being unkind, it’s about boundaries. You don’t adopt someone’s else’s husband for your needs. If I was in the young woman’s position I wouldn’t dare, I’d only message the wife.

And DP is being very naive. He’s playing knight in shining armour to a vulnerable young woman, he should understand there is the chance she could fall for him because he’s the nearest kind man and he should understand that his wife would not appreciate his attention and time being taken daily while he tends to her needs.

When I had an 18 month old and a 2 month old I used to manage to visit my mother two bus rides away on my own. I had to manage both babies , a folding buggy and a big bag of baby stuff on and off the buses. This was when I was young and when you couldn’t leave the push chair unfolded on the buses. I really can’t see how she can’t manage one baby in a pram . I think you are right to put a stop to her incompetence.

This. I lived in a flat many years ago, no children, but I had to managed shopping on my own. No delivery back then. Simple, 1 bag at a time. She'll get there, eventually.

I vote YABU only because you should have talked with your DH about all this first and both got on the same page and not just unilaterally decided he’s not helping her anymore.

for everything else this really sounds like it’s going too far. Def CF territory. Yes it’s nice to be helpful but she needs to stop being so helpless and start carrying her own damn shopping up the stairs!!

Ask him why he thinks your nasty if your taking things over to help her

And working from home means he should be working not unpaid helper

No good deed and all that

My life

Why on earth can’t she carry her own shopping upstairs?
She is being ridiculous.

Bloody hell! I was a single mum with my first, lived in a first floor flat, I used to carry her up and down the stairs IN the pushchair!! Would not have dreamt of bothering my neighbours for help!

Have you children with him?
If not, I would be asking him if he wants to renain married?
Because he is behaving like a single man thzt fancies his neighbour.

He may not be the father but she sure is working overtime to make sure he becomes it 😭

@Babycarrierdilemma you did well in putting a stop to this. I’m actually struggling to understand what she’s struggling with. I had mine at 16 and I managed just fine in and out of taxis… buses… trains…. even had to take DD with me to a few tutoring sessions and survived. I agree with you that it’s learned helplessness (and a whole lot of CF).

Be helpful phone social services etc, and say that she needs some support. Could they go , and help the poor girl. Explain that she is struggling to cope.

She's being a weakling. She has chosen to have a baby and live on the 2nd floor with no lift, so she needs to learn to manage.

Your DH is either a fucking idiot or happily engaging in an inappropriate relationship. The message she sent was sly and manipulative

It'll be shared cups of tea when you're out at work next.

She's young, pretty and needs him....

Presumably if OP still had the slings for her babies lying around they can't be that old. Which means OP probably wants her own DH to assist with his own kids and household given that they both work, it's not cat pissing or unreasonable to expect that.

He’s doing more for her and her baby than he did for his wife and his own children!! Taking the piss.

And you’re not allowed to be upset?!

Is there a big burly man nearby you can start asking to help you with lifts and odd jobs, see how he likes it?

I also find this wild. At 19 I was a single parent with a baby in a temporary upstairs flat with stairs behind the front door but I’d never dream of asking that of a neighbour. I used to take my son up first and put him on the living room floor with toys then shut the baby gate and rush back down to bring the shopping and pram in. Same with trains, our station even had a footbridge with stairs only and often people helped me lift the pram up but I’d lug it up myself before asking. It really does need nipping in the bud now otherwise she’ll never do anything herself and I do have empathy of raising a baby alone but she’s taking the piss so that she doesn’t have to do this stuff

Plot twist: OP’s husband is the baby’s father.

I haven’t voted as I would be absolutely raging if my DH texted someone on my behalf and told them what I will and won’t do.

You’re not his mum and YABU trying to act like it.

But she is being a bit of a CF and if I was you I would not be helping her so much.

I wouldn’t mind the lifts if they didn’t impact my daily life and she couldn’t get a bus but she cannot expect help up and down the stairs constantly.

What happens if neither of you were home?

I do remember how difficult it is having a baby and your body is still recovering.
What is minor to you is a massive favour to her and I personally would help her as much as I could but without it impacting on my life.

I would let my DH help as much as he wanted.

It sounds like single white female.

Where she wants your life. And your husband

What!!!!

I’d be pointing this out to him, when he stops sulking. Can’t believe he’d have been happy if you’d phoned a male neighbour every day for help with your DC while he was at work.

Or even worse she could get nasty and accuse him of stuff. She sounds vulnerable and in need of proper help / support / different living arrangements.

Hope it doesn't all unravel for you and your not so (D)H