To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Be very careful OP she knows what she's doing and your DH is too daft to see it...

I am not saying that it WILL happen, but your husband sounds exactly the sort that would fall for this bollocks, and Little Miss Big Eyes is very manipulative.

So make sure that while things are ok (ish) start your file. Savings, where are they, who has access. Income, who earns what. Pensions, again who has what etc.

I know that sounds like I think he is cheating, I am absolutely sure that he isnt.....but it isnt out of the realms of possibility in the future. Little Miss Big Eyes has her big eyes on him, and he sounds like a fucking idiot with a White Knight complex who will fall for it. So you know what they say......."Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." And as someone who has been through it, a full eye on all the finances etc is an essential thing to have anyway, it means that you will never be blindsided.

Well you sound lovely.

It’s multiple times a day, including going downstairs to get her damn shopping. It’s ridiculous.

Have you read the OPs posts? She asks them to go and get her shopping delivery from downstairs! That's a fucking piss take!

Tell her to get a baby sling and put Baby in that. Easy to get around with

Yes it sounds like he's got White Knight complex, rescuing damsels in distress, it's quite common amongst men and some women really play up to it...

Contacting your DH to manipulate the situation behind your back is such a huge red flag that it overshadows everything I am about to say. I wouldn’t want the woman who did that having much if any contact with my family. But anyway.

I have some insight into this because I had a baby in an upper floor flat with no lift, and I don’t drive and have physical health issues affecting my strength. I wasn’t a single mum but I do have some insight into the challenges. It is hard and there was lot I had to accept I couldn’t do. I chose not to ask any neighbours for help since I thought it was rude to disturb them, and I would have felt stressed by doing so. If I had been a single mum with no support then I might have had to ask once or twice but only if essential medical etc and no other support could be found.

I will say that if she doesn’t have any physical disabilities (and if she has she should be explaining them in this context I think) then she should be able to find a workaround if she thinks it through and has appropriate equipment. You need a light and one hand fold pram. If she drives she needs to have the car seat in the car waiting (block window if in area where might be stolen) and to be able to carry the pram down or leave it by front door. Or leave the pram in the car boot if she has a car, and always carry child upstairs or down without it. Carriers etc. I wonder hat her plans if any are.

I assume if she moved in to a second floor flat with no lift and a five week old, then she had no choice of where to go? If possible she needs to move. In the meantime there will be limitations on what she can do and if help is needed she should be asking anyone else she knows before bothering strangers. She can’t have had my expectations of help from your DH, for all she knew your place was unoccupied or had no resident able to assist. From what you say she sounds massively entitled to the help if she is contacting your DH complaining, and happy to have contact with him that excludes you or your opinions.

I must be reading this wrong

OP isn't doing the "helping"so it's up
to her DH if he want to help her

Quite. I doubt your DH would be quite so helpful if your neighbour were male

Gosh no that's ridiculous, I don't mind helping anyone out now and then but she's taking the piss and your DH needs to be firmer, she's not your responsibility

Just no op.

Your husband hasn't got your back and the neighbour knows exactly what she is doing!

Be very careful...

Sorry but you are totally off the mark here.

He isnt a doormat or victim in amy sense.

He is "getting something out of this" and is actively choosing this because he like it.

He likes the attention, the being needed, he likes playing the white knight, and the ego stroking / ego boost.

He needs to cop on.

Helping her down a flight of stairs is impacting on your daily life? 5 minutes? And your DH doesn’t mind? How incredibly mean spirited.

Where will it end ,will she need picking up from these appointments next week?

What on earth possessed you to raise this as an issue with the almost-complete-stranger instead of your husband (who you presumably have a long-term relationship with)?

It sounds like big red flags all round but you've lost the high ground by confronting the wrong person!

If he thinks this is dreadfully uncaring, point out to him that he was happy to leave you without all this help when you had small babies, and ask him whether that was uncaring or just realistic. Say that in your view it was the latter (because you were perfectly well able to cope) and he needs to be realistic now.

I can't decide who is more pathetic, her or your husband!

YANBU but DH is the problem. I wonder how often she asks for help while you’re out at work? I haven’t heard of anyone being so helpless.

Just out of interest how many minutes/hours a day does the help he has been giving her equate to?

If she’s taking the piss or your don’t want him to help her then fine but I do wonder the extent to which helping someone carry a pram or shopping (especially someone who is happy to do it) actually impacts your daily life.

Has anyone asked her - when she took the flat, what did she plan to do about the stairs etc given that she couldn't necessarily assume a handy neighbour would be able to help her? She must either have made a decision that actually she could manage on her own, or that she would do the helpless act with any male in the vicinity and get some help.

Women all over the country manage to cope with small babies on public transport. She needs to learn how to do it, for her own sake.

Sounds like she has the hots for your DH or/and utterly taking the piss.

I was a lone parent when ds2 was born and also had a toddler. Emergency c-section and first floor flat.

She will have to invest in a lightweight foldable buggy or take the baby up and put them in their cot then bring the pram up.

You've been more than helpful giving her the carriers. I would also be fuming at DH for sticking up for her.

YABU to treat your husband like your property or child. It's gross and controlling to insert yourself in between like she tried to take an object from you. You needed to work this out with your DH instead.

Is DH going to say he can't go away on holiday, or out for the day in the next few years in case she needs help 🫠

He'll be popping along to her childs parents evenings at this rate 😅

I did exactly this many years ago.
I had DD (aged 2) in a buggy and DS (8 weeks) in a sling.

We travelled all over the place, including on buses, trains and tubes.