To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

She is being a CF, but I also don't think you should be talking to her on your husbands behalf. You should be talking with your husband. You can ignore the message she sends you or when she knocks.

Yeah you need to be a united front on this. The last thing you want is him starting to help behind your back and them developing a weird secret.

Is he planning on carting the pram and shopping up and down stairs indefinitely?! She needs to learn to be self sufficient or she's in for a hard ride.

I fear this isn't going to end well. They've already made you the third wheel outside their little twosome. She presumably is home most of the time, DH wfh and there are times when he's in the flat on his own. I'm not sure an ultimatum would make things any better, they'll just cosy up even more in making you the bad guy.

I'm afarid you do need to take heed of the earlier advice to get your ducks in a row. Hopefully you won't need them. But I suspect that - at some point - you might.

Tread carefully OP. My exH developed saviour syndrome for a vulnerable woman and dismissed my concerns. They are now married with a child of their own.

If hé thinks that ask him how he plans to make up for not being there for you every day to carry the pram up and down stairs when you had a baby?! Say he must be horrified to think how unkind and absent he was, now he thinks he must do for a stranger what he happily abandoned his wife to work out on her own with his baby. I’d be furious.

YANBU. I had twins and got zero help from the neighbours (l didn’t expect any!) and l am fine. She sounds a right pain

I’d tell her to stop being manipulative and that her baby isn’t the very first one on the planet, and it’s time she learned to help herself. Suggest that maybe that a ground floor flat or one with an elevator would suit her better, and she wouldn’t disrupt her neighbours when they are trying to work because she can’t handle her daily living requirements.

Some guy left his wife of 23 years for a much younger girl and his name was saved as wisdom. He was very flattered, thinking it was a nod to his wisdom by being older.

Then his daughter showed him a video of the girl complaining on TT that she was so poor she had to f*ck an old man shaped like a wisdom tooth lol

I presume your husband has a voice and can speak for himself?

My dh is a helper too, and mostly it’s a sweet trait, but one of our biggest rows was because he was blurring boundaries with dd’s dance teacher. Or rather because he disregarded my concern that she was interpreting his behaviour as interest and, given she was the only qualified instructor in our area, that could impact dd’s hobby.

I’ve got a really low tolerance for disrespect, and he came very close to finding himself on her doorstep, gift wrapped, and a bow round his neck.

It took him a while to stop sulking wake up and cop himself on and I’m willing to believe that he had been genuinely oblivious and wasn’t seeing the signs. He pulled back graciously and found his boundaries and ultimately no harm was done.

Even though I’m sympathetic I think you’ve overstepped here op, and shouldn’t have spoken for him. That was a serious tactical error.

But her last little stunt has raised the stakes because that is deeply disrespectful of your marriage. Any genuine person would have realised they were massively over stepping and backed off. He’s perfectly entitled to be furious at you, but he also needs to make a wise choice to either support his wife or enable little miss homewrecker.

Dont have tiktok, tell me more!

And also she is asking for his help with every little thing and feeling entitled to it, rather than trying to manage herself and only asking in an occasional emmergency. It would feel quite different if someone was genuinely in need but it feels that she is manipulating the situation and your husbands kindness .

This reminds me of the wisdom tooth story on TikTok lmao 🦷 biggest reality check ever for an old man

Yeah, like is always said in work place "friendships", its never fat Dave from Goods Inwards is it?

It's not the requests alone that are problematic - it's the entitlement to them and the fact that she already seems to have formed a little club of two with your husband regarding this matter. She seems unbothered that her requests are clearly driving a wedge between you.

He needs to be very, very careful because this sort of thing can be relationship breaking and some men are fools to a pretty damsel in distress. I'm afraid there's not much you can do about this because you've already made yourself very clear on the matter.

Indeed.

I can't imagine him devoting this level of help and "kindness" to 90 yr Ernie the partially sighted doubly incontinent man next door....

Won't add to the already spot on responses, just saying that I'd have been furious at DH giving out my phone number to her. I'd be blocking her. And to be honest, given how snidey she was messaging your DH to complain about you, I'd be going round to get my slings back too.

She's being ridiculous. I lived in an upper floor flat with no lift when I had my first baby and I just used a sling all the time. I never once asked a neighbour for help, my DH worked away from home so although I wasn't single, I was alone with baby for long periods of time, so practically speaking, may as well have been single. She can get her own sodding shopping, as long as baby is placed somewhere safe, there's nothing stopping her going up and down the stairs a few times to bring everything up.

I'd be annoyed at her, as you are. I could get once or twice needing help, but the constant daily, multiple times a day - absolutely not. Your DH is a twat to treat you this way about it.

Oh I had one of those. A neighbour came running out of her house screaming one day because her baby was injured. I'd never met her before but took her to the hospital. She told me she was all alone. She'd had her baby with a married man but he was still with his wife, and no support to her.
I helped another few times, then she needed something fixed so DH went over. Then she started asking him for help with lots of little things. We pulled back a bit, then she knocked in to say she was moving and could she have DH's number so she could ring him to go around to help in her new place. I gave her short shrift and said he was too busy to help anymore. DH was relieved and I was glad she was gone.

So the OP thinking he is a doormat is derogatory but you saying that "You only want DH to do your bidding" isnt? It implies that she sees herself as some sort of Queen and him as her servant, which clearly isnt the case.

You say that he is enjoying helping her, I am sure that you are right. But why? Because she feeds his ego. The OP doesnt do that because she sees their relationship as one of equals, he does his bit, she does hers. Ego prefers "Oh you are so wonderful".

he hasn't got the memo that you think all of his time and attention should belong solely to you.

Nothing the OP has posted suggests that this is the case. Just that she is pissed off that Mr Wonderful left her, at the same stage post partum, to manage without him and yet ask "how high?!!" when NDN asks him to jump.

I think if anyone needs to do some soul searching its you, about how you made that frankly olympic record breaking leap.

My friend who had a similar situation (2 floor, no lift, single mom, c section) was chaining the pram base by the stairs inside the entrance of the building (wasn’t on anyone’s way) and was going up and down with the baby in the pram bassinet. Your neighbour is a bit over the top

Why are you speaking for him? It's up to him if he wants to help.

I’d be really interested to learn your DH’s reaction if you told him that you’d heard the neighbour on the phone saying something along the lines of “I’ve got myself a lift with the fat/balding/gap-toothed old neighbour, stupid old fart thinks he has a chance with me.”

And if he’d be so keen to help out if he realised she didn’t see him as a hero, just a gullible middle aged man?

I often think these “white knight” men who love to rescue damsels in distress think of themselves as a young Harrison Ford, rather than the reality that stares back at them in the mirror and what the “young damsel” actually sees.

Genuinely not suggesting you do this, just musing on how perfectly average men see themselves in young women’s eyes.

He needs to stop being someone else’s doormat is what I want to say to him but I won’t .

You need to resolve this as an issue between you and your DH and stop seeing your new neighbour as the cause of it. She may or may not be needy and manipulative, but that wouldn't matter if you and your DH were on the same page and secure in your relationship.

What I'm reading is that you are feeling insecure, and jealous, and maybe also resentful that she's asking for and getting help that you didn't get (because DH was at work). You only want DH to do your bidding, not hers - 'doormat' is very telling, and derogatory. Whereas he wants to help her, and he's enjoying helping her, and he doesn't want to be anyone's doormat.

Your problem is not with her, it's that you chose a guy who is lovely and helpful, to her at least, but he hasn't got the memo that you think all of his time and attention should belong solely to you.

I'd do some soul-searching then try to share how you feel about yourself with DH, and take it from there. NOT your opinions about him, or her, or how they should be behaving to make you feel okay.

And you sound clueless. She isnt needful, she is needy. Big difference.

Oh this is absolutely not going to end well !