To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

As a woman with a disability, you saying "you can't abide helpless women" makes wish I lived in a different society

Her problems aren't your or dh problems
Both of you are neighbours not the hired help.

It's such a shame when people start taking the mickey with help. It's nice to help out neighbours with the odd thing - carrying a few shopping bags once a week, the occasional lift, etc. But this woman is clearly overstepping. She absolutely cannot rely on others every time she leaves her flat or comes home, that's a ridiculous level of ingrained helplessness. Maybe your DH could help her source a more suitable buggy that she can carry herself?

Sure, but to be fair it can be quite difficult to find room for those on some trains and pretty much impossible to take them on the bus.

Your husband is happy to hrlp. You’re mot happy to help, and you’re not happy for your husband to help. You’re irritated. Your husband isn’t irritated. He thinks she needs help. You think she’s a cheeky fucker.

All these problems would go away if your husband would do as he’s told. You don’t have a CF NDN problem. You have a disobedient DH problem.

New mum. On her own

i see many mums with pnd in my job - it’s not an excuse

Either she is having issues and isn't coping with the baby. Or she has a thing for your husband. Sorry!
I had a baby and lived in a block of flats. I would put the baby in the sling. Or leave the pram at the bottom the stairs. Sometimes i carried baby in one arm and pram in the other down the stairs! I'd have felt embarrassed asking the neighbours daily! What happens if you aren't at home or on holiday, she would have to cope then.

Whenever a woman acts badly there is always a million excused why she is not held responsible for her actions ie maybe it is PND, maybe she has OCD, maybe it is anxiety, maybe she is on her period, maybe it is IVF, maybe he is cheating, maybe she is jealous

Are women ever accountable for their behaviour?

She sounds a little needy and lonely and possibly pnd esp as a new single mum

lovely he wants to help but not all the time and if he is in a meeting to him to ask you is cheeky and you need to say no

going behind your back moaning to him about you is also very wrong and I would pull her up on it

unless it is council , why on earth did she move to a 2nd floor flat

guessing no lift

A pram (rather than a cheap fold up buggy) is absolutely fine for going up and down stairs. You just have to walk up backwards. Maybe send her a YouTube link of how to do it because she is an absolute piss taker.

Exactly, his own family should be his priority and so should his employment. He’s WFH not lazing about. I would hate to have my train of thought broken when working and having to step away to collect someone’s groceries or take them to appointments.
Your DH is being far too accommodating and some people will take advantage of this…I speak from experience.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Clearly the issue impacting on OP’s life isn’t the literal cumulative amount of time her DH helps this woman, it’s the dynamic that is being set up.

Sweet, pretty, lovely, helpless, grateful neighbour who needs his help and makes him feel good vs nagging, critical, unkind wife who makes him feel bad for just trying to be nice. Unfortunately OP has massively played into this narrative by going to the neighbour behind her DH’s back, resulting in this escalation.

OP what I think you should do at this point is have a “cards on table” talk with your husband about how you’re feeling about all of this, and ask him to support you and be on your side by setting some boundaries for the neighbour. If he won’t you’ve got big problems.

Agree! Except for the bit about going round there. You both need to stop responding to her texts.

Just pretend she didn’t send them and ignore for a day. Don’t suppose there’s any way you can physically leave and stay with family for a couple of days or something to get away from her?

A bit extreme but it might help, then you can blithely ignore her and in two or three days when you’re back just tell her sorry you didn’t see her messages, you were away.

Why does she even have his number

I was imagining a tiny newborn, what a CF texting your partner you'd been unkind!!!

You dh can always say no

he doesn’t want to and she knows that

your problem is your husband wanting to help out so much if he didn’t she wouldn’t be asking

If he can't see that she's stirring up trouble and trying to drive a wedge between you by texting him privately to complain about something you said, he's either a fool or he doesn't want to see it. Don't let him minimise that manipulativeness and paint you as 'unkind'.

Loyalty to you should matter more to him than coming to the rescue of some random (pretty, young) neighbour.

Interesting he is honing in on you “not being kind” rather than NDN being needy and a CF. No doubt she is stroking his ego by viewing him as knight in shining armour. Ignore her calls and suggest your DH not be cornered into doing things for her.

She has her sights on him. Ultimatum time, DH needs to put your feelings first and block her number.

She's living in the wrong accommodation by the sounds of it.

This is absolute bollocks. If people in wheelchairs manage to catch a train, then there is absolutely no reason why an able bodied adult pushing a pram would be unable to catch a train. How many train stations don’t have lifts, these days?

Your DH wasn’t bothered about being there to help you when you had a small child? Presumably you had to manage yourself while he was working. But now some helpless single mum clicks her fingers and he goes running? And how dare she go running to him to complain about you? And how dare he tell you that you’re being unkind? His loyalty should be to you and his family, not some random neighbour who expects him to come running every time she clicks her fingers.

I think I would insist on sitting down together and having a proper conversation about this. Tell him that her constant requests for help are intrusive and inappropriate and his desperate desire to play the saviour is inappropriate. Tell him that you have just watched her run to him to tell him what a mean woman you are, and instead of saying ‘that’s my wife you’re talking about’ he’s agreed with her! Ask him how he would like it if the single dad on the ground floor needed you to show him how to work an iron or change a nappy 4 times a day and you couldn’t wait to rush down there and show him? Would he be talking about the importance of kindness then? No of course he bloody wouldn’t. I’d also remind him that he’s free to do whatever he wants, but that you’re free to decide what you will and won’t tolerate. And weird little friendships like the one they’re developing is not on the cards.

Quite.
There's nothing altruistic about him choosing to constantly help a young pretty woman

I bet he would t be ducking out of work every day to help 85 year old Mildred get her shopping trolley down the stairs

OP do you know if your DH is verbally reinforcing her by saying - let me know when you need help or brushing off any thanks or acknowledgment of help with offers to keep helping her? I think she’s being a CF but I wonder what she’s being told. I don’t like how you’re being made out by both of them to be the bad guy. He’s liking being her rescuer a bit too much when ger demands sound way past normal or reasonable. Difficult. Can you be the one to respond to her requests & then when you show up get her to do it herself while you show her how you managed up the stairs for eg with the baby carriers? So she gets the msg she’s got to do it /can do it herself & gets bored of the attention/protection of having your DH saving her?

I'm also getting those vibes😬

That is fucking hilarious! Last laugh to his ex wife!