To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

I agree, @EarthSight. It’s the claim she has staked and the bubble they have formed together.

@Babycarrierdilemma, your marriage is under threat. Your H is on a slippery slope as he is investing elsewhere and marginalizing you.

During the past 3 months he and young, attractive NDN have been bonding and enjoying mutual validation as he plays her rescuer. This KISA/Damsel dynamic can be highly intoxicating as emotional intimacy and reliance build and flourish in the absence of strong boundaries, often resulting in EAs and PAs.

It is you and them now. You’re being sidelined as his allegiance shifts to her and your feelings are devalued and dismissed. When you drew a line with her, she was confident that she could manipulate him with her crocodile tears and that he would jump to protect her against meany you. It worked - he is now creating further distance between you by sulking, belittling, and name-calling to make you back off.

Their inappropriate behavior is breaching your peace and damaging your marriage. I too would have declared his continued prioritization of her and her demands a dealbreaker. He needs to understand that he will experience the loss of you if he doesn’t close this window. You will need to keep a close watch, @Babycarrierdilemma. They may go underground when you’re not around.

How dare you equate disability with helplessness! My DD has a disability and she is as far from helpless as one could possibly be. If someone described her as helpless she would quite rightly be confused.

I would be quite happy if all those people who think having a disability equals helplessness lived in a different society.

She is a total menace. I would really step away and block her on line and phone calls. She has overstepped the mark here. I wouldn't trust her an inch. She is a user.

I'd go nuclear and I'm seriously laid back.

I'd be telling her to fuck right off.

Tbh, I wouldn’t have intervened without talking to DH first and making sure we were both in agreement.
I think you’re right, but could have handled it better. Perhaps that’s a place you can have conversations from?

Apologies if what I said has offended you, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm talking about women who deliberately act helpless and look to others to deal with any slight issue or problem, instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their situation.
Having a disability and needing support is a completely different scenario to what the OPs neighbour is doing.

She really needs to learn how to navigate public transport with baby, with or without pushchair, its a basic life skill

Red flags all over this. I once dated a guy that got friendly with the single how parent downstairs. It was very overfamiliar but I never said anything. We split over something else but I found out he very quickly had a baby with her 🤷‍♀️

Id be wondering why does she have no support network?? Where’s the father???

I don't see why any of this is your family's problem! You've been helpful to her, but she's taking the piss now

Yes she is definitely giving the impression that for some reason your H actually owes her the help a partner would normally give.

And the fact she is comfortable complaining to him about you OP shows a level of expectation that he should prioritise her.

It will be very telling if he actually goes ahead with giving her the lift to her appointment. If he does you will definitely know the level of attachment they have that the texting behind your back and his sulking are already worryingly indicating.

Complaining to your husband about you is a red flag to me, sorry. DH is a dumbass if he can't see that. As for the stairs, she can make two trips up, baby first then back down for the pram, or buy a bicycle lock and chain and chain it downstairs.

The more I think about this the more suspicious I am about her texting him directly. Is it possible this has moved into the territory of an emotional affair? Or more?

It’s much easier to catch a married man than a single one, because his frame of comparison is his wife, and not all the single ladies. I think your dh is being played for a fool here. The question now is, how big a fool is he?

You’ve cast yourself as the unfeeling witch against her vulnerable damsel in distress - you need to rewrite this fairytale fast!

If the neighbour happens to be in the hall at the same time then of course ask them to help. Call them several times a day to drop what they are doing and leave their home to help you? Nah. Find a solution.

CF she may be (and absolutely is), but I’d be really pissed off if I was the DH and you’d taken it upon yourself to speak for me. If his desire to help (however motivated) is causing difficulties between you it’s him it’s between you and him to sort out, not for you to warn her off.

Must be difficult for her to get a pram and baby safely up and down the stairs on her own. I wouldn’t think a neighbour a cf if they asked for help with this. If DH is fine helping with pram then that seems reasonable but she should be sorting her own taxi etc

I agree, but also possibly a hypocrite.

I used to take thr baby out of the pram and carry her up. Put her in the moses basket ir bouncer depending on age and go back to get the push chair. Slings were not a thing back then, but I would have definitely bought one. You need to tell her how to do this independently otherwise this will be daily for years! Why can't she leave her baby in the cot to go and get her shopping? Nothing will happen to the baby, it might cry?

What a nasty piece of work, complaining about you to your husband!

A key issue here is that your husband works from home and you work part-time out of the home, presumably, so he is a sitting duck for her messages or a knock at the door. He should be prioritising his job not messages from a random woman. Could he return to the office for a while - though I suspect he would not want to.

In the first instance, I would be organising a very hectic family weekend out and about so he cannot be at her beck and call. Followed by weekend visits to family members if possible. Keep him busy with his own children and family

I think this is going to be a tricky phase for you as he thinks he is some kind of hero. Would ridicule from his family and friends work or entrench his position? He is on very weak ground here as you managed the stairs, transport etc without relying on others.

Fingers crossed he comes to his senses!!

And you are certain DH didnt know the woman before she moved in?

Because he is acting more like a father responsible for helping out than a random neighbour.

How old is your husband? Is the retired? I would never begrudge helping someone, especially a single mum recovering from a c section - but when it becomes daily/every time she needs to leave the house - its too much. Strange your husband seems to enjoy it, does it make him feel needed? Is she seeing him as a father figure type or a substitute husband.

Her texting him complaining about you Is 100% inappropriate, this says alot about her. And your husband siding with her says alot about him too.

No no no.
I always managed these things on my own. It’s not that hard. It’s nice to get help, of course, but this is super inappropriate

You need to tell him how you feel but not saying what he’s doing wrong if that makes sense or he’ll just get defensive.

Having worked in mental health this is at best, incredibly naive and at worst, dangerous. The average lay person wouldn't have a clue how to deal with someone else's mental health issues and could actually do more harm than good.

What we need is decent, properly funded mental health services not random people playing at being psychologists to people they barely know.

Agree but two wrongs don’t make a right. The DH is still a twat.

I'm sorry but I would be very suspicious of this reaction and the relationship.