To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

It is her fault she thought it was ok to slag a wife off to her husband though.

Agree with this, I'd tell her you cannot assist any longer.

Going behind your back that would be it for me.

She needs to sort herself out.

I don’t disagree it was too much. However, I can understand a woman with a young baby getting upset, potentially feeling a bit abandoned, if she wasn’t aware there was any issue. Which is sounds she wasn’t as your husband has been happy to help. So you turning up at the door ‘here’s a baby carrier, you’re too much’ was probably upsetting and embarrassing for her.

Genuinely I think you should have resolved this with your husband first, rather than jumping to basically telling someone you don’t want to help thel anymore, when he has obviously being saying it’s not a problem. It’s not her fault you both aren’t on the same page.

It maybe ok sometimes, but what if you were having an in depth conversation or something and then she knocks on the door. It's disruptive. People have a right to peace and quiet when they shut their front doors.

Are you actually kidding? Women are constantly blamed for things, including things that aren't their fault.

I would say husband is reasonably young if op still has baby carriers. Lol

You've really played into her hands by speaking for your husband without talking to him about it first. Now they're both talking about how mean and unfair you are and it's you against them. You need to get on the same page as your husband because it should be the two of you as a married couple against the demands of your needy neighbour.

I had a C-section and there are steps outside of my house but I would never expect any neighbour to be at my beck and call for appointments or walks or shopping. She needs to cultivate some resilience and independence, relying on neighbours for everything isn't good for her either.

Sounds like she already is with the message about the crying etc.

Fuck me that's a fair story you've completely made up.

I’d be suspicious personally but maybe that’s just me… Do you have a Ring doorbell or anything? With your DH WFH especially and you going to work, I’d just watch it. Especially since you mentioned she’s ’young and pretty’, and particularly given his reaction towards you not wanting to constantly drop everything to help her… I think he fancies her and there’s a danger that with her currently feeling vulnerable and lonely, this could turn into something if it hasn’t already.

She really shouldn't have moved into a place that she has to carry a pram up and down the stairs. What if your husband wasn't there?. I think you should let him keep helping with the pram. Compromise with your husband that he can help with the pram when he is available but nothing else.

She doesn't sound like a CF, she sounds like someone who's always had everything done for her, and doesn't know any different. Might I suggest she's young? Never had a job? Comes from a household where no-one ever had a job? Everything has been handed to her? She's had a baby (presumably not planned) with someone who's disappeared, and has absolutely no concept of consequence of these actions. She's up two flights of stairs with a baby and a pram and never gave a second thought to how this will be handled - because she's never had to think about it. Free house, as expected. Now there's a bit of a problem, but she doesn't see it as her problem to solve. She probably has no idea that what she's constantly asking for is out of line. Nice that your husband likes to help, but this woman needs to figure out the ways of the world.

YANBU to set boundaries but I don't think she's necessarily being unreasonable to be seeking some help from people around her if she's on her own.

It's definitely unreasonable for people to be assuming she's trying to crack onto your husband. He can help a woman with a pram if he damn well likes.

What I don’t understand is why, if you were with a man who would have an affair with a pretty neighbour because she asked him for help, you would consider staying with him! He is obviously an unfaithful dickhead you’d be better off without.

How does she manage if you’re on holiday? Maybe you could book some time away to break the habit (for both of them).

There seems to be lots of jealous women here who struggled alone as single mothers begrudging another single mum for asking for (and getting) some help. Let’s not set the bar so low, eh?

I dont agree with this- I think people are saying they coped because they feel asking for help several times DAILY is ridiculously excessive. I am happy to help out my neighbours if I can, but I certainly wouldnt expect them to be asking me several times a day. That is intrusive and frankly, weird. Its taking advantage to be asking that much and its definitely crossing a boundary.

She's making him feel good about himself. You're trying to take that away.

Dangerous territory.

I agree with you but wondered if I was being unreasonable? I told my husband about this, he thinks she is massively taking liberties. He first 5 wrrks i eould have done the same as you, because if c section implications. But its been 16 weeks! She's trying to push her problems onto you and getting you both to fill in her partners role. You need to nip that in the bud. She is being very cheeky and emotionally manipulative.

You should ignore the door. Or be firm e.g. tell her to use the carrier, leave the baby in the cot while she grabs the shopping. Where are her parents? Do they never visit? If they don't then that's very telling. If you do see them, then have a word with them. Explain you're concerned as she doesn't seem to be coping with the pram or getting to appointments.

I would point out how ungrateful she is being for all the times he has been kind when it wasn't his responsibility and her attitude is unfair and manipulative for deliberately trying to guilt trip.

He never had to do that, but it's got too much and she's impinging on your freedom and lives and turning around in this way is throwing everything he has done back in his face and really only serves to distance yourselves further as a result of her behaviour.

She needs to cope by herself.

It sounds like she is struggling. It is worth reporting to the local HV team that you are concerned about her.

I'd help a neighbour sometimes, especially someone alone and justifiably finding lifting, carrying and logistics hard.
But this is obviously one of those situations where there's been 'creep' and a favour now and then is turning into something she expects.
She's behaved very badly and manipulatively complaining to your DH about you. I'd stop the help just based on this.
He's behaved just as badly giving her your number and now telling you you're unkind and sulking instead of discussing it like an adult.

Lots of different things going on in these comments.

I agree that the OP was out of line in speaking for her DH (as was he in giving the NDN her number).

There seems to be lots of jealous women here who struggled alone as single mothers begrudging another single mum for asking for (and getting) some help. Let’s not set the bar so low, eh?

A NDN isn’t a random stranger and it says a lot about our society that some people think it is.

If people say the OP has to rein her man in because otherwise he’ll have an affair with a young single mum with a 4 month old baby - well, if he’s that kind of guy it doesn’t matter what the OP does, and she should be arranging to leave him already, yes?

It sounds over the top the amount that she’s asking. The OP doesn’t need to get involved, she can ignore her messages if they are inconvenient, and respond as and when she likes. But so can her DH - that’s surely up to him.

I think I would go around and say
You have to find a way to manage on your own, it is disturbing us on a daily basis and our lives and it is going to continue. Choices are - pram in bike store, locked etc down stairs or baby in carrier and small foldable pram that you walk down.

I had a baby and a child on my own (husband left) and I never asked anyone for help the logistics are yours to manage.

You telling my husband that I am unkind is out of order - totally out of order.

I would be having words with my husband, there is helping and enabling - she needs to be able to parent alone.

What I don’t understand is why, if you were with a man who would have an affair with a pretty neighbour because she asked him for help, you would consider staying with him! He is obviously an unfaithful dickhead you’d be better off without.

Totally agree! (From another disabled but very far from helpless person)