To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

She needs to do what my work colleague did, she had two in a top floor flat, no lift. One infant one toddler, she took the pram down and put the bike lock on it connected it to the stair rails, them took the kids down, same in reverse coming home, took kids up stuck them in the cot and playpen then got the pram. This was before grocery deliveries too.

When the husband has clearly told her to ask for help when she needs it

Disingenuous. Helping a neighbour out is not the same as an expectation that it will be many times a day whilst he is meant to be working.

You were happy to help for a temporary period when it seemed like she would need it most. That is generous in itself.

She has carried on and made you + your husband her "go to" for every difficulty. It is too much to expect you to help indefinitely. You were not "unkind" and your husband is letting himself be played.

But sadly its all too common. The 'helpless young woman' knows exactly what she's doing.

So VERY this. I suppose it does reflect a bit how shit some men are-but really…..

Absolutely. If he's so desperate to help her, he can move in with her.

She must have known her circumstances when she took a flat that wasn't on the ground floor or had a lift. It's not hard to take a pram up on your own one step at a time.

What would she do if DH was out? I had two DC two and under at one point and out house has twenty steps down to the front door. I managed for years, not because I was alone, DH worked long hours.

She'll be wanting him to do all her DIY next, surely when he's working he doesn't want the constant disturbance? He needs to shut this down now.

I've also seen these things end very badly. I'm sure you can imagine. Just because you see it far more clearly for what it is, doesn't make you mean and uncaring. Tall fences make for good neighbours...

I agree she needs to help herself but it wasn't for you to speak for your husband. I would be very angry if my husband made decisions for me. You can tell her you can't help her anymore but you should leave him to speak for himself

Some women on mumsnet really are
utterly obsessed with everyone being out to steal their man, and everything being a sign of it. It’s frankly fucking baffling, and really sad that that’s the only conclusion you come to, totally discounting a woman with a young baby who has been receiving help suddenly having someone turn up and tell her to stop asking for help. When the husband has clearly told her to ask for help when she needs it.

The only problem is the shit communication between OP and her husband. The neighbour he has been offering to help is frankly victim to their shit communication.

Good grief, you need to put a stop to this now. She's asking you and messaging you to help her every single day?

This is only going to escalate- trust me. When the baby gets a bit older she will be expecting you to babysit daily, or asking your DH to watch the child whilst he WFH so she can go out to work.

After all, it would be so cruel to not allow a single mother a chance to bring in an income wouldnt it? what kind of heartless monster would say no to that....

I agree, go HARD on this one.

Well dh is actually sulking and told me he can’t believe he is with someone so uncaring

As for this I would be telling him to wind his neck in and ask him exactly what impression he has given this woman for her to think she can go behind your back and message him slagging his wife off. You told her no and that should have been the end of it.

Absolutely not acceptable from either of them. Put your foot down hard.

The absolute CHEEK of her texting your husband. I would go absolutely livid at this tactic. You need to cut her off completely and look after your own house. Have absolutely nothing more to do with her. Give her the details of the Public Health Nurse and ignore her. Sneaky snake.

Now that’s a reach! The number of times I’ve been disturbed in the middle of an in-depth conversation by Amazon, the postman, Ocado, the Mormons….

You need to not engage any longer, this will end up a problem one way or another....where is the baby's dad in all this?

There is a big difference between genuine disability and learnt helplessness. No one should begrudge the former, but the latter is annoying.

The fact that she has gone behind your back and messaged your DH is very sneaky indeed and I would be rescinding all offers of nicety and sending her a message telling her not to message again if I’m being honest!

This is crazy.

She sounds like she doesn’t understand boundaries and if you give her an inch she’ll take a mile, so you do need to just stop helping her completely or she will keep pushing.

The fact your (idiot) husband doesn’t seem to see any issue with it suggests he’s actually enjoying this whole thing, though he obviously won’t appreciate having this pointed out to him so you may need to tread carefully.

He gave her both our numbers

This really feeds into the narrative that it was no coincidence this woman moved in next door.

It smacks of hiding in plain site because if he she just had his number you would, quite rightly,have been asking why she has his number.

There’s helping a neighbour and then there’s helping a neighbour!
I can’t believe she thinks she’s being reasonable and I can’t believe your husband can’t see how ridiculous the situation is.
I get that she’s possibly struggling on her own with a new baby but you and your husband shouldn’t be her crutch.

Yeah. Wait until she starts asking for babysitting when the kid is a bit older. I would nip this in the bud now. Sit down with husband, apologize for overstepping by talking for him and then explain in a reasonable way how this is impacting you. Give him some future scenarios such as if he's sick to think about.

The parents thing is a bit harsh! I hVe a 2 month old and my parents never visit cos they're both dead!!!

You shouldn’t have intervened without his knowledge. He isn’t your property or employee that you can choose whether or not to lend out, he is a free agent.

Your pov is not unreasonable but you could have spoken with him about the impact and how you could help her manage more independently.

I would be furious if my partner told someone else what I was and was not ‘allowed’ to do.

Going behind your back that would be it for me.

Same here. And I would tell her this too

I agree. She is massively taking the piss and being incredibly rude considering how helpful you have both been to her. Bloody hell.

MN has a weird obsession with helping NDNs. When it's a family member they advise to cut them off for the slightest thing and go no contact because you dont owe them anything. When its a NDN you are meant to become their carer/personal assistant/butler and basically do whatever they ask because #bekind