To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Absolutely agree with all you’ve said. Horrified that poster so ignorantly thinks women get PPD because their neighbours don’t want to carry their shopping for them.

From little acorns do big oaks grow m'dear. It's not just helping in an emergency is it.

Well done. Hopefully in a week or two she will start using the baby slings you gave her. It will do her the world of good, she needs to learn how to cope on her own.

Jesus wept. Imagine a men saying to do this to watch their wives because they bloody helped someone.

He seems happy with it. So OP needs to sort her shit communication with her husband, and not barrel on round and give a totally different message to the woman, who is only asking for help because the husband has encouraged it.

Exactly! - women get post partum depression due to hormonal/chemical imbalances after birth. Women can get PPD even when they have an entire extended family to help them and lots of people around them who love them. Or, is that poster suggesting its entirely the OP's fault this woman has depression (self diagnosed of course by them, a person online who doesnt even know her)

Be a Miss Marple here.

If you don't have one, get a ring doorbell, to check on her approaches to your door when you are not there.

Block her number from your phone. But check DH phone for her messages AND his replies. ( yep, that's a bit mean, but needs must sometimes!)

No point in thinking something's going on, get proof that it is or isn't. Worth it rather than it going over and over in your head I'd say.

Help in emergency only.

I'd want to kill her and DH TBH.

(edit missed your latest post, I see things have moved on somewhat after your chat with DH, but I'd still keep an eye out 😉)

Yes I would be absolutely cool with that. I would find it incredibly unattractive if my dp wasn’t prepared to help a neighbour with a young baby living on the 3rd floor. Mind you, I’m also certain that my dp would not seize the opportunity,in the 5 minutes it would take him to carry the pram upstairs, to have a quick shag.

I think this would be totally inappropriate - she’s a random neighbour that they’ve known a matter of weeks - she doesn’t get an equal say with OP on what OP’s DH does, she has no right to be treated like she’s worthy of input in their marriage, her “point of view” is completely irrelevant here.

OP needs to speak to her DH, explain that it’s not appropriate, and then DH needs to tell the neighbour to stop bothering them. End of.

This is not at all why women have post partum depression. What a stupidly ignorant thing to say!

I think I'd go round, with DH and sit down with neighbour and explain. DH is there too, to listen to both points of view; he might take it more seriously you explaining that it is impacting your time together and her reaction might be more telling if he is actually there. If he is very obviously siding with neighbour against his wife who is sitting right there telling them both that it's making her unhappy, and neighbour can sit and listen to it and still say 'yeah, but what about ME' without any indication that she has sympathy and understanding... Well, it might not sort out the issue but it might make OP see her DH in a new light.

I think this is wise advice. The problem isn’t helping another woman in need of a bit of support at all, but that this woman is looking increasingly like a serious liability all round.
(A top floor flat was really a barking mad choice for her, unless she had already presumed on 24/7 help and an emotional crutch being available, which is pretty mindboggling of her)

She surely has access to assistance from some part of the health service, a GP at the very least if the birth has discombobulated her, but continued fetching and carrying like this isn’t a good idea when the person is already very emotionally manipulative where you two are concerned.

I think OP is absolutely right to want this to end right now, and it’s not about possessiveness or being mean-spirited. The neighbour has already created an unsettling atmosphere, and I’d say safety, on one plane or other, is a concern now, and they are walking straight into trouble.

The neighbour wanting help shouldn't be an issue but its become one because you are now arguing over it. At the end of the day she needs to learn to cope - while it might only be a short stage for pram etc where will it end once baby is a toddler will she become so dependent on your dh that she asks him to look after the child? Household jobs, diy etc I also wouldn't be happy that when hes busy and not replying she's bothering you why did he give her your number!

This. The neighbour has already crossed a line by doing this. She's not as helpless as she makes out. And let's face it, if the neighbour was 92yr old Bert, then I doubt the DH would be so keen to help.

@Notatallanamechange "Some women on mumsnet really are
utterly obsessed with everyone being out to steal their man, and everything being a sign of it."

So you'd be absolutely cool with a neighbour asking your DH every single day (sometimes twice a day) to help her carry shopping, give her lifts, help with the pram etc etc? She's young, fit and pretty - not old and disabled. And she's also messaging him, and only him, and complaining about his wife. Regardless of whether she's trying to steal the man or not, I personally don't know anyone who wouldn't be a teeny bit irritated (or more realistically fucked right off) by this level of intrusion.

Agree. Some of the posts on here are so depressing. This woman is struggling. She definitely doesn’t need OPs DH caping for her but she does need some advice to get her to be more independent. I despise this competition some women set up in their heads about this woman stealing OPs DH.

She's already triangulated them by complaining to her husband about her, creating an us and you scenario.
Unbelievable.
Highly manipulative.

Trhis is honestly why we have a MH crisis in this country.

A woman completely on her own!! with a tiny baby - has found a friendly neighbour and there is nuts talk of her stealing a man and people saying 'be HARD on this' . this is why people have post partum depression

so she is completely alone with a newborn?

I do think your attitude is a bit on the mean side!!

Could you check in with her have a cup of tea and get to know her?

I'd leave him to it. When he has to do it all because you're not doing any he'll soon realise.

Agree @BellesAndGraces he is putting himself in a precarious position. If she is prepared to complain about OP then that shows a manipulative streak. What if this gets to the point where he jumps every time and when he doesn’t she makes an allegation about him? “He insisted on helping me all the time. I felt uncomfortable refusing and now he’s assaulted me Officer”. That may sound like a catastrophizing idea but it happens. Helping to a point is fine but he needs to be unavailable sometimes and he needs to say “no’ as a matter of principle on a regular basis. I think he’s a sitting duck right now.

She looks like the bad guy because she IS the bad guy!

It's really worrying and a massive red flag. I'm actually not sure what I'd do at this point, because the OP is now in a really awkward situation of looking like the bad guy, thus driving the narrative the DH is obviously lapping up and which is giving him quite the dopamine hit of him being the hero. Could really escalate. I think I'd tell my husband that this risks their relationship and tell him it's his choice if he'd rather be with someone else. I would say the NDN is pretty unstable, but clearly the DH is blinded.

and you would want to stay with this man exactly why?