To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Next time she comes round you could offer to call social services as she is clearly struggling

I'd be fuming. She's using your partner as a substitute partner/baby's dad and he's letting her and putting her above you, no way should you tolerate this from either of them. It wouldn't surprise me if that's what she's aiming for. I'd show DH the replies on here if I'm honest as he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. This isn't normal.

I love that film!

Yeah fair play to you @Babycarrierdilemma you were right to nip this right in the bud, I hope this is the end of it now for you 💐

I used a harness carrier with my DD until
she was over 6 months. Made traveling and stairs really easy. She will have to learn away of dealing with this. Would it be safe to store a buggy downstairs is there a place in the flats where they would allow this?
it’s not your regular job to do - but I do feel for her x

In my opinion, the fact she messaged your husband after you had been round tells me you were right to do so. I would have done the same.

Yes, I thought the same thing!

However, I have noticed in many threads that #bekind often only goes one way. Funny that!

Weird how the be kind trope doesn't seem to apply to NDN slagging someone off behind their back to their spouse.

You’ve done the right thing Op by nipping this in the bud now. Not only is she massively cheeky but she’s also very manipulative trying to turn your DH against you! Glad he has seen sense & agreed to step back.

Wow. Community is everywhere, no?!

Since it is a block of flats, OP always has the option of hitting all the intercom buttons are shouting, "Get your own damn man! Superintendent, you have a whore in the building!" etc.

told me I should have been proud of that.
That's annoying but overall it sounds like you've understood each other and come to a good solution.

As harsh as this is, she needs to suck it up. When my ds was born we lived on the 3rd floor no lifts. I'd carry ds in his carry up on flight then run back down and bring the pram and repeat. If I had shopping then did that with that as well. It wasn't fun but is what it is.

What happened to be kind? It was weaponised against women who had chosen to set clear boundaries within their lives.
‘This girl’ should seek support from her midwife, health visitor, social services or family/friends if she’s struggling. Not someone else’s husband.

Yes, and it's annoying. If it's already happening with Amazon, the postman, Ocado, the Mormons etc, you don't need another one. And at least with those you pretty much just have to open the door and take the parcel or whatever, but what if they're in the middle of something and this neighbour wants a hand and DH cuts off the conversation and is out for ten minutes or more helping her downstairs and then getting back up? Hardly the same as a quick open door, 'thanks', shut door and back to it.

She also needs to get a grip. What if you were out for the day or on holiday? She'd have to find a way to manage.

You can get roller trolleys that you can move up and down stairs, so easy to decant your shopping in and pull up the stairs even with a baby in a carrier.

If she doesn't drive and just does short distances in taxis, she could even get a doona car seat that turns into a pram, so no transferring of the baby is needed, and it's easy to carry up and down stairs.

Her lack of planning is not your problem to fix and if she doesn't start trying to find solutions this problem will never end.

Is your husband triangulating this?

Like her saying you've been mean, has he said something along the lines of "well I don't mind helping you at all, it's my wife that is the problem"?

If so, it would also make me consider separation, because that's a lack of united front.

I get this might be a tad annoying but what happened to be kind and “it takes a village” where she happens to be single? Your DH is not bothered, stop being defensive of your relationship unless you think there is a vulnerability. This girl is probably having the hardest time of her life and shedding many a tear behind closed doors. Does a couple of minutes to you matter in that context ?!

it's not just 'some help' though, it's at least daily, for things for which there are other solutions, and it's creeping, from help up and down the stairs to lifts to appointments (and presumably waiting around and driving her back too).

It probably would have been better to discuss this with DH before going to here. However you were right to nip it in the bud. The demands for help will increase. The fact she went back to your husband and complained about you is worrying. I agree with the suggestion of a ringdoor bell or similar and strongly advise your husband not to be alone with her. I suggest that you both block her number. In an emergency I am sure she can knock on your door.

Id be careful and make sure that youre actually allowed one and wont be infringing on her privacy, if as you say, her door is directly opposite yours

Is it a buzzer entry system type building with flats in? Id be surprised if you can have a camera in a communal area

Crying to your husband about how mean you are crosses such a huge fucking line it isn’t even funny. He can be as innocent as can be but she is trying to husband your husband. She needs him and you’re a mean old witch taking him away. Absolutely not. She is playing the victim, she can’t cope and she can’t do anything herself.

What would she be doing if she lived elsewhere?? I’d be telling her if she can’t cope with her DC or manage to leave the house with her then it’s time to get SS involved, not your DH.

OP, strongly recommend you take a very hard look at your husband.

Are you married long, have children?
He sided with her far too easily.
Not the actions of a loving loyal man at all.

And you're quite right on both those issues.

Helping out the odd time is one thing but she’s wanting help everyday rather than finding longer term solutions to whatever she’s struggling with- getting out and about etc. good for you for knocking it on the head now rather than waiting months or longer and getting more and more pissed off.

i agree with others that this woman has been quite manipulative going crying to your husband because you were “mean” to her. I’d be pissed off with my husband for being so daft to get taken in. She’s obviously used to getting her own way by using this tactic- learned helplessness and then crying when people say no.

@CurlewKate no op isn't the bad guy here.

It's perfectly reasonable to have boundaries in a relationship and if Op DH had any sense he would have set them himself.

I've been the single mum in this scenario, no way did I go round leaning heavily on married men. It's clearly inappropriate and disrespectful. L ok