To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Sorry OP but your update isn't very encouraging.

It sounds very much as though they are communicating another way. Unless there is something else on his phone he doesn't want you to see. Otherwise why would he be being so precious with it?

And I'm afraid if you weren't at home there is no way you can be sure he didn't go out.

Given how much this woman relied on him and felt so entitled to his help it seems very strange if she has just suddenly found she can manage by herself after all. And he is suddenly acting cheerful again.

No she’s taking the piss. I was a single mother of 2 under 2 and yes it was a struggle at times with prams and car seats but I dealt with it. If I knew I had appointments I’d plan bus/train routes days ahead and that was with a big chunky double pram. Women have been managing for decades like this I’m sure she can to. There is being a good neighbour helping the odd time but she needs to learn to manage on her own.

The phone holding would make me suspect messaging on another platform/app.

I have been thinking of you. I hope your silence means all is good.

Been thinking of you op, hope all is ok xx

@Babycarrierdilemma, I’ve been thinking of you. How are things going now?

Sorry to say the deleting of messages sound every suss

but yes if an iphone you can get them back

press edit top left of texts. It will then Show this menu pic 1

then click on show recently deleted and any in the last 30 days will show

then restore them

@Babycarrierdilemma how did you get on today?

I meant if he went out to take her to the appointment like she asked

Also wondering about your husband, you know him best OP. Does he have a people pleaser personality or a tendency to "go out of his way" A LOT for people, even strangers?
Because if this was my DH behaving that way, I would know straight away that something's wrong - he hates his work and family time being interrupted and he is never shy to tell people or get rude/abrupt if they continue pushing. And for him this would defo be a pushing boundaries/CF scenario. No way would he be getting roped into giving lifts to anyone's appointments (unless it was a genuine emergency).

It won't differentiate between OP's flat and NDN's flat. @MoodyMargaret11

I was going to suggest the same. Dont give him the heads up on changing shifts and be somewhere nearby in "spying position". Sounds awful but you really cant trust him.
Another option - are you able to track his movements via a shared location?

Yes, you can retrieve deleted messages on an iPhone by using the "Recently Deleted" folder in the Messages app, which holds messages for up to 30 days
. To restore them, go to Messages, tap "Edit" or the back arrow, select "Recently Deleted," and then tap "Recover" on the conversations you want to get back.

The alarming bit is her thinking she has the leverage to moan about you behind your back to your other half...what gives her that confidence to think that is okay.

You need to play detective change your shifts and watch and see.

Take care.

Yes I prefer this OP. You need to try to catch him in the act to avoid him having any plausible deniability.

They may not be having physical affair but from his sulking it certainly sounds like it’s edging into emotional affair territory.

I would change shifts too OP, but I wouldn't stay at home, I'd position myself somewhere where I couldn't be seen, and wait to see if he goes out with her in the car. Then ring him, and ask him what he's doing, if he lies to you, you know what you have to do.

Sorry they are putting you through this.

Sorry OP but I think you have much bigger problems than we all thought. This paired with the fact that he’s still stamping around like a child are huge red flags.

Change shifts but don’t tell him. Just be home that day and see what his reaction is.

i would be mortified if I was the neighbour and the wife told me that they could not help me anymore. I call down with a box of chocolates and an apology and no way would I text her husband even if he texted me. They are both undermining you. I hope you get the answers and your husband sees his family is far more important than other people.

At least read all posts by the OP to be up to date with the thread.
You'll find that it quite possibly is a ltb situation.
He's deleted the messages communicated between him and her upstairs (why??) and continues with an atmosphere.... Doesn't sound good.

OP I feel bad for you that you're in this situation all of a sudden where you are doubting your DHs sincerity to you.
I was joking when I asked if he was the father when you first posted, not saying I think he is because I don't, well I bloody hope not; whatever the reason he feels/wants to help her, to be behaving how he is really gives a reason for suspicion.

Be as strong as you can, good luck x

Sorry to read the updates OP. I would also change shifts without telling him. Return home when you’d expect they’d be leaving. I think if not physical, they have been having an emotional affair.

Nobody deletes messages unless they have something to hide. Most people have messages from like 3 years ago. The only other logical reason to delete is if you run out of storage but that obviously hasn’t happened here. She’s been contacting him and he hasn’t blocked her or even told you.

This is triangulation OP. She knows exactly what she is doing and your DH is either flattered and enjoying the feeling of being her saviour OR there is a mutual attraction, in which case, spells serious trouble for your marriage.

I would change shifts too. You need to know what it is you are dealing with here because the deleting of messages hints to far more than a bit of neighbourly help.

This is the clincher - her telling YOUR husband you upset HER. Massively inappropriate and clearly thinks she has some allegiance with your husband. You are right to get this stopped in its tracks.

Personally the fact that they are deleted in the first place is a huge red flag.

She might not legally NEED a car seat for a taxi, but she is right to have one, the idea of taking a baby or small child in any vehicle without having them properly secured is insane.