To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Plot twist 😆

I really do hope that most people not on Mumsnet are nicer than the people on. Fortunately in my experience, they are.

It’s Shroedinger’s Mumsnet again. Simultaneously unable to do anything like entertaining a visitor until their babies are toddlers but also run up 3 flights of stairs carrying a baby, a pram and a bag of shopping.

His initial reaction prioritised her, because he called her uncaring, didn’t stop to consider her position, and wanted to continue assisting the neighbour.

This isn’t just about the physical act of his assistance, and the NDN clearly knows this or she wouldn’t have immediately texted him after OP spoke to her, pitting him against her!

Maybe she's grooming the husband, subtly encouraging him until he does something inappropriate and then she'll turn around and start blackmailing him?

Are you sure he isn't the father? Could have had an affair then moved her in next door to see the baby 🤣.

Not very long at all so what is the young lady’s problem doing this herself? At 16 weeks old her baby is tiny so if he’s well strapped in she can just pick the pram up with baby inside and get on with it. Or put the baby in his cot, tuck the baby monitor in her pocket and go back for the pram or to pick up the shopping.

The OP and her husband aren’t her staff! She needs to do the BAU of life for herself. If she is struggling emotionally she could invite the OP and her husband around for coffee and a chat with no need for their labour. She sounds like an entitled little madam and the OP is fully justified in imposing boundaries both about what the NDN can expect from her but also the respect she expects from her own husband.

He’s not naive… he’s enjoying the attention. A nornal decent guy would be fed up by now. Maybe he’s hoping she’ll drop the robe ove of these days…. @Babycarrierdilemma is 100% right

Exactly, so why is she swooning and expecting OP's husband to be her Hero ?

All a bit Edwardian isn't it ?

Except for the OP it seems, some posters think she should suck the situation up and to hell with how she feels about it, there's helping someone occasionally which is absolutely fine but now it's crossed into territory which makes the OP feel uncomfortable and causing arguments between her and her DH which is not on, and as for the NDN crying to DH about how mean the OP is, well that's bang out of order and I'd be telling her so. Trust me, this woman knows EXACTLY what she's doing....

This

Yes, she had already told him it upset her with the constant requests and interruptions. It’s grown to way more than a couple of requests to help. And he chose to ignore that OP was upset. If he’s going to keep doing it then he clearly doesn’t see OP’s feeling as ranking higher than his or the other woman’s. So what else can OP say?? Other than she’s not happy and it’s not going to work for her?

The point is that this woman is expecting him to jump when she says jump, and he’s doing it. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s 2 minutes or 5 minutes or 30 - it would be weird for anyone to be at their neighbour’s beck and call like that.

If she can’t manage without this level of support then she needs either professional help or her own family need to step in.

Cheap bicycle lock will work well…

Cheap bicycle lock will work well…

How long does it takes someone to carry a pram up 3 flights of stairs?

How the fuck is he prioritising her over the OP? In case the OP urgently needs his help at the exact 5 minutes the neighbour does?

Its not "a tad annoying" and its not "a couple of minutes". You're actually making the OP's point for her, if it wasn't a big deal there would be no need for you to minimise or reframe it in the way you've tried to do here.

She is expecting your DH to act like a partner to her. Fuck that.

What is really worrying is that your DH doesn't seem to mind and is taking her side. Time for a serious chat with him.

The only thing i would have done different is addressing it with DH before telling her you wouldn't be helping any more... by telling her first, you've given her space to complain to your DH about it, while not making sure he is onside first.

It’s a bit suspect that he works from home and she’s constantly around too. Lots of opportunity there. I would keep an eye on this.

It’s always the pretty single women that DHs want to help isnt it. If it was 45 year old Fat Barry who smells a bit constantly knocking on for help then I am sure he would be on the same page as you about the daily intrusions.

That she feels comfortable enough to slag you off to him, and he backs HER, says something about their relationship already. Watch out.

I could not tolerate any of this.

if someone needs help several times per day then their living arrangements are clearly unsuitable.If you can't manage the stairs you can't live on second floor, seems logical.

That thought that H is the father went through my head too....

Since you’ve come to an agreement with your OH, have you also told him that aside from the help interrupting your lives, it’s making you feel insecure because he’s prioritising another woman over you? I would be asking him to message her back to make it clear he is with YOU and you two are a united front. This could very easily become a situation where he still assists her when you aren’t there and/or him sympathising with her upset via text. So I think you need to be really clear here, and get him to also view how he feels about her.

I had two babies in a top floor flat. I just coped and would never have dreamed of bothering neighbours in this way. I would carry my baby up the stairs, put him in a bouncer/cot and nip down to get the pram. Or buy a lock for the pram and leave it downstairs.

Yes its hard, going up and down stairs and carry a baby but it is what it is.

Texting someone's husband like a damsel in the distress being upset like that is really not ok. I would have been really unhappy if my dh would have entertained those tears. It is really inappropriate.