To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Because she's trying to manipulate him into being her donkey and hasn't actually been crying.

That's not fact, at all.

She is desperate for help, he is happy to give it.

baby is 16 weeks old, not even a newborn. Still not being able to manage to get out of the house and use transport with a 4-month old is taking the piss.

A new mum crying all day because she can't cope.

What might that be because of...?

I've always been willing to help neighbours and have exchanged phone numbers/email addresses/Facebook messenger. We've taken in parcels, put bins in and out when someone is away, watered plants, given lifts if a car is out of action. But nobody has ever taken the p*ss. Offering to help a neighbour occasionally if they need it is one thing. Becoming the neighbour's daily helper is quite something else and needs to be nipped in the bud.

I'm pleased to see that your DH has agreed to stop, but I think he needs to explain to this young lady that the daily requests have become too much and that she needs to find methods to solve her 'problems' with dealing with her baby. It would be neighbourly to say that you would help her if there was an absolute emergency but not with day to day tasks.

It all smacks of lacking confidence, maybe even anxiety - which I can empathise with, I had HUGE anxiety after giving birth. What if you drop the baby down the stairs? If you don't routinely put a car seat into a car because you don't have a car, it's faffy and daunting - once you get the hang of it, piece of piss, but those first few times, while a meter is running and someone is watching you? I get it.

The idea that because one woman can cope with a newborn, every woman can cope with a newborn is ridiculous. Hormones play a huge part, as does support network. Maybe OP could deal with taking the pram downstairs because she had a partner upstairs making dinner and a mum coming round regularly to help with the cleaning and washing.

I’m on your side here. I would never begrudge any one of any help but daily is abit much. There are millions of single parents absolutely managing and smashing life alone. I would get annoyed if it was daily as well.

i do feel for her but there must be ways to cope, you have to adapt. I am alone with both of my kids, its slightly different though because their dad works away, so its only sort of 3 weeks out of 4 I’m alone… and he’s fab when he is home the 1 week. But it’s been like that since before they were born and we used to live 400 miles away from any friends or family so I just had to adapt and manage…

Did you RTFT? OP said she was more than happy for DH to help her at the beginning when she was recovering from her C section. She’s had loads of help now and OP has kept quiet for months. Now it’s become every day, crossing personal lines and this woman seems unable to even leave her house without the help of OP’s DH. She can’t even put a car seat in a taxi. She is relying on the DH for everything.
When OP did say something this woman thought it appropriate to cry to he DH and bitch to him about OP, his own wife!

You think this is all perfectly appropriate? You would be happy with your DH being the neighbour’s white knight - helping her daily, being in her house daily, all while you work away from home. You watching them form a close intimate relationship where he offers personal emotional support to her in her times of need and where bitching about how awful you’ve been is fine. Yes? Or am I just terribly old fashioned?

Point is, it's fine to offer help and for people to take it when it's occasional; but messaging or knocking for people at least daily is obviously different.
They might need a neighbour's help one day, sure. I doubt they'd latch on to her like she's latched on to them though. Or if she refused tell her they'd been crying all day because they were so sad about it and she'd been unkind. Or try to create a them-and-us situation.

Her messaging your dh complaining about you is bang out of order and a 🚩. She’s looking for him to agree with her, side with her and create a common problem for them to unite over. You will be the problem.

Your dh is being daft. She needs to learn to cope.

A village has to be exclusively heterosexual women then? Are we in the 50s?! OPs husband is being compassionate as far as I can see. Maybe she does not have any one else to help? Good on him, IMO. Some completely ridiculous possessive thinking in this thread.

I'm sure if the second floor of their apartment building was as busy as a train station, the neighbour would ask someone heading that way to help. As it isn't, and she has two flights of stairs to negotiate with a pram or a pushchair, she's asking for help. The OP has said no one has visited her while she's been home. I can't believe how little empathy there is with the poor woman.

Yes, she's needy, yes those needs are probably cumulatively annoying, but it isn't the OP having to do the lugging up and down stairs, and one day they might need help from their neighbour.

It’s just excuses at this point. You can’t manage your own DC’s car seat into a taxi? Right, if that IS true what else aren’t you managing behind closed doors? Not being able to put a car seat into a taxi suggests you need quite serious additional support as I said before. SS is the answer, not someone else’s husband.

At some stage this woman is going to have to learn to plug a seat belt into the car seat and it should be sooner rather than later. OP’s DH isn’t doing her any favours for leaping in to save her every time something might be a wee bit difficult.

It’s beyond a joke at this stage. She’s had help, time to stand on her own feet as a parent and manage simple basic tasks like leaving the house.

I hope your DH replied to her message and told her how inappropriate she was being. That's absolutely outrageous OP.

She'll have to learn at some point that she can put the baby down in its cot & go down to get her shopping, alone.
If not, When does this just "getting the neighbour to do it" ever stop ?
For Drs aptmts, she has to get a taxi with a baby seat, If she can't afford it, she will have to call on family, or one of her own friends, or use public transport with your sling.
I would be telling her this, your husband is not her young, free & available valet, nor her Dad. also that messaging H & criticising his wife after all the help she has had is manipulative, totally out of order & she has shot herself in the foot. I would then say you both will be blocking her number. Then do so.

She's asking for help with everyday things that all other new mums manage perfectly fine. Can't manage the same stairs OP herself did with no issues? Can't take the train? Can't take the taxi because she can't manage her car seat? Surely that's unusual.

You feel it’s a ‘cat pissing territory’ issue when the dh is ‘helping’ everyday afd us asked to fo more and more for her.
When do you think he should stop? When she is making advances to him? When he’ll have to take time off work (like taking her to an appointment)?

I hope the dh was happy to do all of that for the OP when she had THEYR babies. And he wasn’t expecting her to go to appointments on her own and just, you know, get on with life as a new mother…..

It takes a village doesn’t mean “it takes a strangers husband.” And it certainly doesn’t extend to getting so intimate with said husband you feel comfortable crying to him about how his mean old wife has suggested lines are being crossed.

This woman needs to find her own village, not saddle up beside a taken man and use him for every ounce of needed emotional and physical support.

She's a cheeky fucker.
I had a boss like this who when pregnant expected me to do her morning shifts because she had morning sickness. I put my foot down and said no. I had 3 kids and had morning sickness but had a job every time.
Keep putting your foot down op she is taking the piss.

Neighbour sounds like a cheeky fucker. It's one thing helping if it's desperately needed but she's knocking daily and taking the absolute piss. She lives alone with a baby she needs to learn to manage to do some things herself. Whilst she probably didn't intentionally choose to be a single parent she is one and needs to manage herself and her baby accordingly. She can't go imposing herself on you and your husband for every little thing. Taking her baby to appointments etc she should be able to manage a bus or train ride with a little one in the pram I mean come on public transport accommodates wheelchair users so it's not like she's going to come across any obstacles getting a pram on them. Seems she's taking advantage of your husband's kindness. To go behind your back with a sob story painting you out to be a nasty cow is manipulative and your husband shouldn't have even entertained her whining

If they’re not already! He’s wfh all day while he’s wife off at work and she’s downstairs on her own with a baby!

That's quite a spin you've put on things.

The fact of the matter is that this woman and OP's DH seen desperate to see eachother and OP rightfully doesn't like it.

Do you think that it was appropriate of her to complain about the OP to her husband?

Your husband can help as much as he likes, however it’s excessive and she’s not going to learn to cope if she doesn’t have to figure things out herself. For me, I wouldn’t want my husband hanging round with a single younger woman, baby or not.

I know it’s hard being a new mum but she’s taking the mick a little!! Also how dare she message your husband afterwards to almost manipulate him into being in her side.

I have to ask is there any possibility this is his baby? It something has happened with them because it’s a little odd that he’s helping her more than his wife!