To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Also, an interpretive dance

🤣

It comes down to the fact that she wants a husband, and she has found one. Unfortunately its not HER husband.

The texts about crying etc are such obvious manipulation. Its an unpalatable fact that there really are some women who will go out to deliberately steal another womans husband. And lets face it, targetting the right area on most men will work in at least getting him in her bed if not away from his wife. Again, unpleasant but true.

So the OP is doing exactly the right thing to shine a light on this at the start to prevent it escalating.

@Babycarrierdilemma did you point out to your husband that he expected you to manage by yourself at that stage with your own children? What was his reaction? I am going to guess that "that was different".

Ah, that’s beautiful- you should set it to music

I'd be so pissed off if my husband had expected me to manage the stairs with a baby and then the same stairs with a baby and small child, but then considered that another woman couldn't possibly be expected to manage these very same stairs and he had to step in.

This is awful and you are stuck in the middle.
How are you being unkind ?
I can understand maybe her getting her own shopping occasionally from the entrance and you listen out for the baby but why is it anyone else's responsibility?
30 years ago I was in a first floor flat and I had to throw the folded pram down the stairs ( sounds ridiculous but I wasn't going to leave the baby alone in the flat and I couldn't carry him at the same time)
This won't end unless you put a stop to it , she will rely on him more and more , your husband should put a stop to it.
He shouldn't be giving her lifts .

@DaringlyDizzy , Does your wife object? Does NDN ask for your help when you are WFH, and your wife is at work?

Does your NDN, knock on your door wanting help at 9 p.m. when you are with your family watching a film?

Does your NDN give you a sob story about your wife being mean to her?

God people are selfish. Whats the harm in helping? I give my NDN a lift most days and babysit when I can. There is no harm in inconveniencing ourselves for others

That's an important point, and one I'd be making to your husband if he backslides into White Knighting for The Damsel In Distress next door.

You have been where she is now, and you managed without expecting your neighbour to jump when you snapped your fingers. You had a problem (stairs) and found a way round it all by yourself (carrier not pram). She had a problem (stairs) and her chosen way round it is to stroke your husband's ego so that he does the lifting and carrying for her. Not on! I think it was kind of you to give her the carriers so that she can be independent.

Similarly she can manage her own groceries. Most of us do; I was humping shopping up stairs for years before deliveries were even a thing.

"We had a chat this morning as last night dh just wasn’t wanting to speak to me at all. He’s said that he can see my point of view and if it’s a deal breaker then fair enough he was just trying to be helpful and told me I should have been proud of that."
Proud? Watching your husband being a bit gullible and easily-played? Yes he was being helpful - but he should also be capable of seeing he was being taken for a mug, and gently discouraged it. Because in the long run, it's not actually kind in the slightest to allow someone to become dependant upon your help. There will be times when you just wouldn't be there to help (e.g. holiday) and then where are they? So no; I wouldn't feel proud watching my husband be played and in his turn facilitating/encouraging helplessness in another to feed his own ego/ Big I Am.

DH is 100% trying to hit that.

What?

@Wingingit11 , the 'it takes a village' does not mean slagging off a neighbour for caring that boundaries are being overstepped.

@Babycarrierdilemma , it's already in emotional affair territory.
She's knocking on your door for favours when you are there and when it's only him there, and he's lapping up the being the knight in shining armour to the damsel in distress.

So true. You will be the problem and it will all be your fault. Nip this in the bud

living with the OP i reckon.

Seriously though, she cant be putting all this on you and your husband.

“It takes a village” doesn’t mean “I can choose one of my neighbours and make them do whatever I want them to do”.

If she has PND she needs to see a GP, not get OP’s husband doing her chores.

She's not asking 'community' though...

Because the OP will undoubtedly report her to social services if she thinks the baby’s being left alone in the flat 3 floors up.

YANBU, I would be particularly irritated by her texting your DH to complain about you! It's as if she feels like she's got a close enough, or important enough relationship with him that she's sure he will side with her against his own wife (which to be fair, he did). I'd be really cross at the fact that DH had allowed things to get to the stage where she felt this was appropriate.

Why is she incapable of bringing her own shopping up?

Yeah, this whole village thing is just the DH it seems, no other neighbours are helping are they?

You have done the right thing priority is your marriage and now nipped in the bud a danger to that marriage. You don’t want to be second guessing what her next move on your husband would be (men can be s bit slow sometimes ) so your right to say you don’t like it, would other’s preferred if you just shut up & got upset in silence - no communication is import in a marriage you made yourself clear and he has adjusted his behaviour accordingly. She is s major red flag going behind your back and texting him effectively saying what an awful wife he has - na get rid she is trouble waiting to happen. Good idea to get a ring door bell too then there is no ambiguity. Good luck

If the neighbour has post natal depression she needs medication, therapy and support from social services. The next door neighbour’s husband carrying her pushchair up and down the stairs for her will make zero difference to what is a serious mental health condition. I can tell you this from firsthand knowledge.

so stop using a diagnosis you’ve come up with on the basis of no evidence to bully the OP when even if your speculation was correct it’s completely irrelevant to the issue the OP is complaining about.

Can't believe anyone would stick up for her, it's nice to be helpful but many of us have been in difficult situations with little ones and wouldn't dream of repeatedly asking a stranger who has his own family! Those sticking up for her, pretty obvious what kind of a neighbour you would be! 😂

Also the absolute cheek to try to drive a wedge between you by texting him one to one, she has zero shame and your husband is getting something from this even if just emotionally and it is VERY unfair of him to turn the tables and make out like you are being unreasonable.

How would he have acted if back when you were in a similar position you had gone running off to the hunky neighbour then started getting pissy with his wife if she'd complained?? I'm guessing he'd have told you that you were being unreasonable and you should have just managed and not cause issues between other couples. ..

Not yet maybe but I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t lining your dh up so she won’t be a single parent for very much longer

Maybe drop hints about her not coping well on her own and how maybe SS or her health visitor could maybe help her with dc and you will call them for her

what if you help her out when you are around instead of dh. Wonder how many times she will ask if she is getting you and not dh

Tell dh you will do it. Then see his reaction

people have suggested where the woman can go for help - OP also hasn't mentioned her or her DH are trained (hypothetical) postnatal depression experts.

If you're on your own, lacking confidence and haven't done it, how do you build the confidence to do it?

Post-natal depression can start at any point during the first year following birth. The OP hasn't once speculated about her neighbour's wellbeing. It's all about her.