To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

Yeah, it's never ancient Eric, or 65 year old overweight Mabel these men just can't help white knighting.

Nope. OP said the cheeky fucker NDN messaged her husband and "said she didn’t know how to say and didn’t want to say but she has cried all afternoon and is stressed after my visit and that I wasn’t kind" - so only wept hysterically all afternoon and accused OP (to her husband) of being unkind for daring say no to her demands.

So, definitely not remotely just saying she was "upset".

And nope, she approached them and introduced herself to them, and has been daily demanding help, banging on the door and messaging and this includes demanding they bring her food shopping up to her and twice demanding a lift from OPs husband next week because she can't manage a train journey on her own, apparently.

Stop screaming (if you are going to lie and pretend others were "screaming" I have to assume that's how you usually communicate) and stop making things up.

A pity he wasn't there for his own fucking wife when she was in the same position with his own children.
I think the OP needs to look back and ascertain her husband's " need to be needed/ loves helping " people" schtick with a clearer eye.
It would not surprise me if something jars her .....
Because her husband is not being altruistic, that's for sure.

Or 80 year old Eric...somehow I doubt it.

Read the OP. She clearly stated that the demands are daily, various and escalating .
Stop with the gaslighting attempts, or better still, don't use your lack of boundaries as a life compass for anybody else.

My view would be that his actions are kind in the short term but will actually hinder her in the long run. She's a single parent. She needs to be able to solve logistical problems. DH is perpetuating the problems (and annoying you, and making you look bad).

I live in a house up 22 steps. I solved this kind of stuff by using a carrier to get the baby to and from the road/car and used the car as a handy on road cupboard, staging (non perishable) groceries, buggy wheels, folded prams etc from the car boot. My mum got a cheap pushchair from Freecycle for her house.

If I needed groceries asap I'd walk to the shop with the carrier.

Figuring this out made public transport quite doable. A pp was wrong to say all stations have lifts (they don't outside main terminuses often) but you can plan your journey round the ones that do.

Would he be just as willing to help a middle aged unattractive helpless woman I wonder.

This is definitely a husband/rship issue not a neighbour one (albeit I can see why you went to the source of the problem). Also, do you know what conversations they've had? If he said "text me anytime, I can help every day, need a lift - just shout, I'm always home, i love helping, please ask daily, definitely don't do these stairs alone" and then you've told her not to, I can see why she's upset (not crying all day, that's manipulative) and he's annoyed. I suspect he gets a kick out of helping young women, offers himself to her to help (she clearly recognises a goldmine when she sees one) and now you've ruined it for both of them and spoken on his behalf. I see why you did it but you and he need to get on the same page and be a united front.
Talk to him about why it bothers you (missing bedtime, leaving you to clear up, taking the car when your kids might have an accident and need taking somewhere - whatever it is) and see what he says. You can't control him though, he'll do what he wants to do and then you'll need to think how you deal with that and how much it matters to you. Hopefully he will hear how it impacts on you, realise you're the priority and set some boundaries with her. Also when she texts you asking if he can help, ignore her completely and leave it unread. I don't think going to her is very effective and has made your relationship look weak as clearly he's gone "oh you poor thing, I'll talk to my horrid wife" (which is also a discussion you need to have with him).

She texted him that she was upset and not that she wept hysterically all day! Stop making things up. He offered to help, hence she was asking. Imaging it was a refugee or other vulnerable person, would you all still be screaming CF

OP, did you discuss this with your husband before you went to see the neighbour? To be honest, if my husband went off to someone I was helping and unilaterally told them I wouldn't be doing it any more, without talking to me about it first, I'd be pretty pissed off.

Omg, I hope you are alright OP and you don't need therapy after this traumatic event of pausing a movie!

Don't be silly, the woman wept hysterically for a full day (according to her) and went crying to the OPs husband because OP said we can't run around after you anymore, and it sounds like she is not managing at all, demanding pram assistance at least twice a day, food to be delivered to her and now a lift repeatedly requested as she cannot manage a train by herself, apparently.

So either she is, in fact, unwell, challenged and in need of a check in from social services or whatever supports are in her area, or she's just a cheeky fucker trying her luck.

Either way, it's not in any way normal to be daily banging on the door of people you met 11 weeks ago demanding help, messaging them daily and then having a total melt down (as described by the cheeky fucker NDN herself) when someone says no.

Oh my goodness! A single mother asking for a lift and help with getting her stuff up the stairs and you think the authorities should be notified!! What strange world do we live in! Just think for a minute what you are actually saying! In other cultures the village is there to help and nobody needs to ask for help, the help is there. Here we do need to ask and well done to her for actually doing it and not suffering silently. How can other mothers be so cruel and heartless. AND OP she doesn't want your husband, she needs a lift not a shag...you are heartless and I hope you DH will continue to help and be a good human being.

Yep. Not to mention her other demands of food shopping delivery, lifts in the car and messaging DH to retaliate against OP saying, perfectly fairly, enough is enough. Asking once is maybe ok, twice is pushing it, banging on someone's door and messaging them daily then weeping all day when people don't give into your demands is frankly astonishingly poor behaviour.

NDN is either pathetically incapable, has all kinds of challenges, or is a sly and cheeky fucker.

Whatever, it's not OPs problem, glad she nipped it in the bud.

Meant Wouldnt totally agree

Hmm would totally agree but if that works for you

Why would you want to be with a man you don’t trust to help a neighbour carry her pram upstairs without wanting to fuck her?

It must be very difficult being a lone parent with a new baby, in a new place on the second floor with no lift. I can understand about the practicalities of deliveries. And it’s great your DH was being a kind neighbour.

She sounds like she may be struggling to cope (PND?) if she’s cried when you spoke to her. Does she have family/friends nearby? I’d keep giving her kindly, neighbourly support while she gets on her feet. But also kindly explain that you can’t support her all the time (if that’s your boundary) and ask if anyone else can be there to help her with deliveries etc.

It’s best to set boundaries up-front so as not to cause misunderstandings or let a situation develop that you’re uncomfortable with. Your DH (being kind) may have said “let us know anytime if you need help”. So that may be why she seems demanding.

I agree lots of parents, like you, have to manage with stairs and public transport with babies and toddlers. I never had a car and took buses and trains with a buggy or sling. It can be daunting at first, but you soon get used to it. And people offer to help (e.g. with stairs) or respond if you ask. But carrying tons of shopping up two flights of stairs with a baby can be tough.

And when someone’s struggling to cope (physically or mentally), it could feel huge. We always tell people who are struggling to ask for help but often when people do, no one wants to help, and it can make it worse. Help to do things yourself is the best help, as some people can become over dependent and demanding. So, you did the right thing offering the sling. That was very kind.

But you’re new neighbours rather than family or friends. She shouldn’t expect you to help all the time, as it’ll damage her relationship with you.

It’s funny because I think many of us see it form the other side and are incredulous at being so helpless you need help a couple of times a day from your neighbours for weeks (barring illness or disability). As you say: Urgh. Most independent self-sufficient women would find that idea ludicrous.

I do actually agree that she has overstepped and is out of order. But lots of people on the thread were saying that the help she was asking for was just too much - which you agree with too. Honestly, I think that’s a sad world to live in. I do lots for my neighbours (especially those immediately to our left). I don’t regard communications or requests from them as inappropriate - I’m glad they ask for help or small favours when they need it. If that make me a “sainted martyr”… fine. Personally I think the rest of you live horrible isolated inhumane lives 🙂

Did you see the flurry of speculation that the dp was the baby’s father? That was a good bit!🤣🤣

@Babycarrierdilemma Your DH's sudden change of attitude is very suspicious. Yesterday he wasn't talking to you because you asked him to stop helping NDN and now he's fine with it?

The fact that you have also mentioned that he recently switched from office working to WFH is a big red flag.

Helping with baby and pram is one thing but grocery fetch really is taking the piss