To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

It should end at him breaking his back to go and help a stranger up and down the stairs when he was happy for his own wife to do it alone with a sling.

Why SHOULD it end? Life can be hard, we are all in this together. If it costs little effort to help someone, why not help them? I think this thread is about something other than just helping a neighbor.

Better to cross the line now @Babycarrierdilemmathan regret how it’s panned out in 6 months time! Just ask him though, no need to check sneakily, if they’re still messaging one another or if he’s seen her etc. Depending on his response, you can then check if you feel you need to know for sure (check deleted items too). Sorry that you’re now in this position.

And the OP had kindly given the NDN baby slings, so why doesn't she use those just like the OP did?

I would be very concerned about emotional affair territory. He’s being cold and distant with OP because she offended his precious and helpless NDN lady. It’s not okay,

The slings are a solution to the problem though? The equivalent would be giving the old person a starlift.

Of course, the actual problem is the need for a huge amount of emotional support.

It's got nothing to do with the stairs really.

I agree. It’s nice and neighbourly to be helpful to a young woman with a baby, but messaging the dh was a mistake.

I must say though that OP giving neighbour the slings is a bit pass agg. Like giving an old person who asked for help carrying something up the stairs a Stannah Stairlift brochure.

I think OP should have another chat with dh and acknowledge he wants to be kind, but that the message upset her (play neighbour at her own game!) and whilst helping with the pram and ad hoc heavy things is neighbourly, the request for lifts is a line in the sand.

Because when OP's children were babies her DH was working in the office full-time.

Where does this end? It's daily knocking, asking for help. It's too much! She cannot keep relying on them daily. There is a problem, she is not coping well and needs to learn better strategies. She is a capable person. If she relied on them less then yes she could ask the odd favour but not excessively.

Why didnt he do it for his own wife then? 🙄

I think helping her to be more independent is key here. Next time she knocks asking you to fetch the food shop say, I'll watch the baby in their cot/baby bouncer while you get it. When she asks for help with the push chair say, I'll watch the baby while you take down the folded push chair, set it up then come back for the baby (this is what I had to do while the baby was inside. Then going home I left the pushchair there, carried up the baby then went back to fold down and carry the chair upstairs). Or I can show you how to use the carrier before you go. It's pushing her to be independent. Instead of relying on other people.

Just read your update OP.
And yes your H's reaction seems to show he really is already emotionally involved with this woman.
Do you know if they are still messaging each other because he could very well be still doing that?
Do you know for certain he hasn't seen her when you have been at work or out of the home?

No, spite is texting her husband behind her back and coming between a married couple because the OP said something she didn’t like hearing.

Where are all her family and friends?

The thing people are missing is that LOTS of things require or are made easier by having two people. Putting together Ikea furniture, lifting stuff into and out of lofts, lifting pushchairs up stairs and into cars. It doesn't take much effort from OP's OH to be very helpful at little cost to him, so letting the NDN struggle seems like spite from where I am sitting.

Yep, we've all been there done that with young kids, and got on with it. Asking for a hand a few times is fine, she has well and truly gone past that and then slyly messaging your husband to crap on you was well overstepping the mark.

If your husband is behaving badly because you are not stupid and weak enough to let a CF interrupt your lives and make unreasonable demands, if he is angry because he wasn't given your blessing to run around after a demanding and attractive young woman, then I am afraid you have a husband problem OP.

then she uses the very kindly offered baby carrier!

And you would be the same person saying she neglects her child by leaving them alone in the apartment

Yeah, there are some odd responses on this thread for sure 😕

I know, and they are more likely to be vulnerable’ than lady CF! This is honestly such a bizarre post from @Stravaig
A man who enjoys being needed, a woman who is asking for help, an OP who despises needing help. One of these does not fit, whilst the other two complement each other perfectly.
so if he wanted a shag, op wasn’t available, but CF was, that would compliment things perfectly?….

Yeah, funny that isnt it? If 89 year old Eric was asking him to carry his wheelchair up and down stairs 3 times a day I suspect the OP's husband would suddenly be very "busy"

Yeah, it's never ancient Eric, or 65 year old overweight Mabel these men just can't help white knighting.

Hmm, I wonder why! 🤔

Why can’t she carry the pram down and then go back for baby!

thats what most people do

she is being ridiculous

also,
tell hwr to go get her own shopping, lazy cow