Page 2 | To be upset by this comment from my mum?

ffsmumouch · 2025-11-13T16:06:51+00:00

My mum has been going on and on at me for Christmas present ideas. She hasn’t accepted that I just want money, so I told her I’d appreciate a contribution to a little hair makeover, I want to go from blonde to my natural brunette. She’s come back and told me she won’t do it because she thinks it won’t look good on me and I suit being blonde a lot more. To be honest it’s just upset me a little because I want to make the change and I don’t really see the need to say it, just say you’d rather buy me something tangible (I’ll just ask for a stock up of skincare etc)

BartholemewTheCat · 14/11/2025 10:45

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 10:21

Do you not understand that my issue isn’t the money, but the rudeness?

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Totally understand. My mother has form for similar. A PP suggested a decent response - don’t let her get to you, OP. I hope you get the colour!

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 10:21

Happyher · 14/11/2025 10:02

She’s choosing not to give money so there’s no issue about dictating what it’s spent on

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Do you not understand that my issue isn’t the money, but the rudeness?

OP posts:

shhblackbag · 14/11/2025 10:06

So her Christmas present to you is all about what she wants? Tedious.

Tell her you're fine, no gift necessary. She'll likely buy some tat you don't want. What's the point?

Happyher · 14/11/2025 10:02

LadyHetheringtonSmytheBourbonbiscuitAsquith · 14/11/2025 07:21

WTF? You cant give someone money to buy a gift for themselves and then dictate what they buy! thats manipulative and controlling to the extreme

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She’s choosing not to give money so there’s no issue about dictating what it’s spent on

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:49

thepariscrimefiles · 14/11/2025 07:46

OP is going to have her hair done how she wants it anyway. Her mum's unwanted and unneeded intervention has just caused an unnecessary rift between OP and her mum.

Normally people who 'tell it like it is' and give their 'honest opinions' are not very popular. What makes you more qualified than your sister to choose an outfit for an important event?

OP's mum sounds overbearing and quite unkind.

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I’m not more qualified, she’s better than me at that sort of thing. But two heads are better than one and I know she trusts me to help her and not see her wrong. So I’ll keep that trust.

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 07:47

CountryVic · 14/11/2025 07:43

I give my children money, but I like to give them something to unwrap too, so maybe she wants to do that? Does she like shopping? Going out to buy a gift, wrap it, get a card, watch you open it… if she doesn’t have many people to buy for and they just want money then it’s not very eventful.

But I do see why you want money rather than something you won’t use. Could you ask for something you typically buy and then put some of your $ towards your hair?

She does it all online. Like I’ve said, because she’s so insistent I will be given her debit card and left to pick what I want and order it within a certain budget.

It’s not to do with wanting to pick it herself

OP posts:

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 07:46

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:40

Were those her words @ffsmumouch? Because you said upthread she said it wouldn’t ‘look good’.

Edited

She’s said multiple things about it in the course of the conversation. Basically all amounting to the fact that my natural hair colour will apparently look shit on me 😂

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 14/11/2025 07:46

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:33

I think we all need people we trust to give their honest opinion. Your mother doesn’t need to be your ‘yes man’. If she truly doesn’t believe a hairstyle will suit you then I think it’s ok for her to say that.

If my sister had bought an outfit for an important event and I really didn’t think it flattered her then I would tell her (assuming that she had time to return it for something else — If she were on her way out the door to the event then I’d keep quiet obviously).

I think this is the same. It’s your hair and your decision, but she’s allowed voice an opinion as your mother. That’s assuming she has your best interests at heart of course. Most mothers do, but I don’t know yours.

ETA Also remember in this case she has to imagine what your new hair will look like. Maybe the picture in her head doesn’t match the one in yours. It’s hard to know what a new hairstyle or colour might be like.

Edited

OP is going to have her hair done how she wants it anyway. Her mum's unwanted and unneeded intervention has just caused an unnecessary rift between OP and her mum.

Normally people who 'tell it like it is' and give their 'honest opinions' are not very popular. What makes you more qualified than your sister to choose an outfit for an important event?

OP's mum sounds overbearing and quite unkind.

CountryVic · 14/11/2025 07:43

I give my children money, but I like to give them something to unwrap too, so maybe she wants to do that? Does she like shopping? Going out to buy a gift, wrap it, get a card, watch you open it… if she doesn’t have many people to buy for and they just want money then it’s not very eventful.

But I do see why you want money rather than something you won’t use. Could you ask for something you typically buy and then put some of your $ towards your hair?

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:40

Were those her words @ffsmumouch? Because you said upthread she said it wouldn’t ‘look good’.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/11/2025 07:38

TodaRythm · 13/11/2025 17:51

I will concede that your mother should be able to buy a present on her own without having to pester you for ideas all the time .
But I can see how depressing it must feel to just chuck some notes into an envelope or perhaps not even that, these days it will be a just a bank transfer. A complete obliteration of the happiness and charm that involves giving a present to the other person and seeing how they open it.

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The sort of people who refuse to give money (so tacky) or to buy a gift requested by the recipient, even if it means going against the recepient's wishes, seldom manage to give a gift that is full of 'happiness and charm', as they are the sort of people that always think they know best, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 07:36

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:33

I think we all need people we trust to give their honest opinion. Your mother doesn’t need to be your ‘yes man’. If she truly doesn’t believe a hairstyle will suit you then I think it’s ok for her to say that.

If my sister had bought an outfit for an important event and I really didn’t think it flattered her then I would tell her (assuming that she had time to return it for something else — If she were on her way out the door to the event then I’d keep quiet obviously).

I think this is the same. It’s your hair and your decision, but she’s allowed voice an opinion as your mother. That’s assuming she has your best interests at heart of course. Most mothers do, but I don’t know yours.

ETA Also remember in this case she has to imagine what your new hair will look like. Maybe the picture in her head doesn’t match the one in yours. It’s hard to know what a new hairstyle or colour might be like.

Edited

I think turning round and going “well it’ll look shit” when I’ve told her I think it’ll be a confidence boost for me isn’t being honest, it’s been unnecessarily mean.

OP posts:

Earlgreyhottish · 14/11/2025 07:33

I think we all need people we trust to give their honest opinion. Your mother doesn’t need to be your ‘yes man’. If she truly doesn’t believe a hairstyle will suit you then I think it’s ok for her to say that.

If my sister had bought an outfit for an important event and I really didn’t think it flattered her then I would tell her (assuming that she had time to return it for something else — If she were on her way out the door to the event then I’d keep quiet obviously).

I think this is the same. It’s your hair and your decision, but she’s allowed voice an opinion as your mother. That’s assuming she has your best interests at heart of course. Most mothers do, but I don’t know yours.

ETA Also remember in this case she has to imagine what your new hair will look like. Maybe the picture in her head doesn’t match the one in yours. It’s hard to know what a new hairstyle or colour might be like.

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 07:25

LadyHetheringtonSmytheBourbonbiscuitAsquith · 14/11/2025 07:20

Your mum is being unfair and rude.

This is what I'd do- tell her you agree with her, you want the money to do your hair in the way she suggests. Then once you have the money, go blonde.

Yes, she'll probably be annoyed about it but so what? she's being horrible and deserves to be taught a lesson

Edited

I’m genuinely not bothered about the hair. I’ll have the money to do it myself. I just mentioned it would be nice because I think it would be a nice confidence boost for me, it’s a full change in my hair (blonde to brown). She responded by saying it would look bad and that’s what upset me. It’s not about the money but what she said.

OP posts:

LadyHetheringtonSmytheBourbonbiscuitAsquith · 14/11/2025 07:21

Happyher · 13/11/2025 18:27

The point I’m trying to make is she doesn’t want to pay for something she doesn’t agree with and why should she?

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WTF? You cant give someone money to buy a gift for themselves and then dictate what they buy! thats manipulative and controlling to the extreme

LadyHetheringtonSmytheBourbonbiscuitAsquith · 14/11/2025 07:20

Your mum is being unfair and rude.

This is what I'd do- tell her you agree with her, you want the money to do your hair in the way she suggests. Then once you have the money, go blonde.

Yes, she'll probably be annoyed about it but so what? she's being horrible and deserves to be taught a lesson

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 14/11/2025 07:17

Happyher · 13/11/2025 19:58

It’s just a mum wanting to buy something for her daughter but not wanting to buy something she doesn’t agree with. Op has said she will probably ask for hair or skin care.

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We’ve spoken this morning.

She has really doubled down on the fact she thinks it’ll look bad, it’s not to do with that. She’s insistent that I have lots to open on Christmas Day, so I will come up with a list and probably purchase it myself, with her card. Nothing screams loving mum wanting to get Christmas gifts like that!

OP posts:

Happyher · 13/11/2025 19:58

DappledThings · 13/11/2025 18:45

But if there's nothing OP wants then there isn't "something nice" to get her that exists. Refusing to give someone money to contribute to what they really want and insisting on getting an object that the recipient doesn’t want is such a silly hill to die on

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It’s just a mum wanting to buy something for her daughter but not wanting to buy something she doesn’t agree with. Op has said she will probably ask for hair or skin care.

DappledThings · 13/11/2025 18:45

Happyher · 13/11/2025 17:24

Because she wants to buy her daughter something nice. She sees having hair done as something you pay for yourself and not given as a gift.

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But if there's nothing OP wants then there isn't "something nice" to get her that exists. Refusing to give someone money to contribute to what they really want and insisting on getting an object that the recipient doesn’t want is such a silly hill to die on

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 13/11/2025 18:41

Happyher · 13/11/2025 18:27

The point I’m trying to make is she doesn’t want to pay for something she doesn’t agree with and why should she?

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I’m not saying she should.

But saying “I’d rather give you a tangible gift” is different to saying “that thing you really want to do with your hair? It’ll look shit”

OP posts:

Happyher · 13/11/2025 18:27

ffsmumouch · 13/11/2025 18:13

surely you see there’s a difference between a tattoo (permanent) and getting your hair dyed?

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The point I’m trying to make is she doesn’t want to pay for something she doesn’t agree with and why should she?

Original poster

ffsmumouch · 13/11/2025 18:20

Tiebiter · 13/11/2025 18:18

Shes rude but yabu to ask for money. She's not a cashpoint.

She asked what I wanted, knowing what I’m saving towards and what it would mean for me. I’m not going to lie when she asks

OP posts:

Tiebiter · 13/11/2025 18:18

Shes rude but yabu to ask for money. She's not a cashpoint.

ChristmasFluff · 13/11/2025 18:17

I hope you remember to object to whatever she's asked you for (because it's tacky/unfashionable/a colour you don't like/smells bad etc), and tell her to think of something else,

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 13/11/2025 18:15

She’s totally on the wrong. I think I’d agree with her and ask for money towards keeping it blonde. Then dye it brown anyway.