To be upset by this comment from my mum?

This one is easy, just say some money towards a dress and spend it on the hairdo, simples!

The clue is in your first sentence: “SHE wants a list that SHE can choose from”. However, gift giving is about the recipient - it’s really not that complicated. She’s got own way anyway, so I’m sure she’ll be delighted 🙂

Can you reframe the way you think about this?

She thinks you look really great right now, so from her point of view she's saving you from an expensive mistake.

But she's from a different generation with different beauty standards and rules. Also she also doesn't look at your hair and face in the mirror every morning and every night like you do. So, you're the expert here: just ignore her and do what you want and do it with your own money. Get her to pay for a present that frees up money so you can pay for it.

I’d be buying something with her £350. Then taking it back and keeping the money to do with whatever the hell you please. 🤭

I give my children money if they need it or they want something they can’t afford. I also like to buy them gifts too. But all are my choice to give

Iam a mum.

if either of my children asked me for money, that’s what they get, id buy a few bits to unwrap of course.

being someone’s mum does not give you the right to be mean or unkind to your child, whether they’re grown or not.

OP would probably miss her mum a lot more if she was nice to her.

'You'll miss her when she's gone' is always a manipulative cheap shot to try and guilt trip anyone who has a problem with their mum.

Just ask her to get you a gift card for a salon that does alot of treatments, she can think she’s paying for one thing but actually get your hair done.

Can you pick something you’ve already bought but she hasn’t seen, and wrap it up? I’m only half-joking.

Don’t do that. The whole ‘you’ll miss her when she’s gone’ thing is only ever used to make women feel guilty for standing up for themselves against parents who treat them badly, and it’s bullshit.
I didn’t speak to my mother for a decade because she refused to respect my boundaries. We did reconcile and she died 5 years later. I don’t regret that time spent away from her, it was needed for me to work on how to stand up for myself and for her to realise how shoddily she had treated me in the past.

So this thread has got nothing to do with Christmas or gifts, it’s to do with your mum telling you her opinions on your new hair colour, opinions you don’t like.

“My mum thinks reverting to my natural hair colour will make me look ugly - help”. Short of posting a photo of yourself and garnering further opinions, I can’t see what you want randoms on the internet to say. There aren’t many options to choose from. Personally, I’d say “ok, and?” and move on! It’s your hair in your head, do what you want 🤷🏼‍♀️

or maybe, you know, as it's Christmas she wants a list she can choose from & to buy present she can wrap up.

it's not that complicated.

@ffsmumouch I can understand you being hurt about what she said about your hair colour. However she wants to enjoy giving you a gift, can't you put a few things on a list for her to choose from?

As annoying as it is, she won't be around forever to irritate the living fuck out if you & you will miss her.

Is your mum rude to you often?

If my daughter wanted a tattoo I’d tell they are vile whether she wanted to pay for it or not

She asked you what you want.
You told her what you want.
Each time she asks you again, remind her what you've already told her.
End of conversation.

Giving a person a gift isn’t (or shouldn’t) be about you and making you feel good. It’s about the other person and what would make THEM feel good. How utterly self obsesssd do you have to be to make giving a gift about you.

Your mum is a controlling twat. What has she asked for for Christmas? Tell her you won’t be getting it because you don’t agree with it.

Yes because for many many people that money is what they need more than another bottle of bubble bath they won’t use. That’s not tasteless it’s reality.

Not controlling. But say they are saving towards buying a house or having IVF or some other thing that is expensive. If that’s what they’d rather have surely that’s more important than what you feel like on Christmas morning?

She’s going back to her natural hair colour. Telling your daughter that their natural looks doesn’t suit them & they shouldn’t have their natural colour because you don’t like it is just awful

The issue isn’t about gifting something she doesn’t agree with, it’s the fact that her mother is telling her that her natural hair colour that she was born with is ugly. Would you say that to your kids?

That sounds so like my mum was
i would ask for one thing costing say £50, maybe a nice eyeshadow palette and she would say no
i would get over £50 worth of crap that I would never use including a £5 eyeshadow palette

Using a seemingly benevolent question like ‘what would you like for Christmas?’ as an opportunity to give you unsolicited opinions about your hair is a masterstroke of shithousery. If you wanted her feedback on that, you’d ask for it. That’s how it works in emotionally intelligent conversations where folk want an honest answer to their questions and only ask questions they want an honest answer to—something your mum seems to be finding difficult to grasp.

I wouldn’t much want anything from her. It sounds as though she’s the type to use gift-giving as a means of control and I’m not playing those games.