The dreaded Christmas dinner

Why don’t you offer to host? That’s what we have started doing and we are gradually setting a precedent that ours is the Christmas house and they are welcome if they want. It’s great

God yes, OP don't do this. We got sucked into this alternating bollocks (Xmas day with one set of parents, boxing day with the other set) early on in our marriage and I really wish we'd never started it. We did it with the aim of making things 'fair' but it isn't fair to us, because it means never being able to have Christmas in our own home.

There's no reason for anyone to get worked up over this. Do what suits you best. Neither set of in-laws will be alone on Christmas, so OP's decision is easier.

How unreasonable of both sides! Biff them both off! What do YOU and your children and husband want to do? Do whatever that is.
I refuse to go to anyone else's at Christmas, people are welcome to come to us and everyone always gets an active invite but I want my kids to get to play with their new toys in their jammies and just enjoy the day rather than be carted around for obligational reasons. Fuck that noise.

Have dinner at your own home and visit both sides instead. Less hassle than alternating! I alternated for 4 years and then decided on cooking myself and I couldn’t go back! People get jealous of whose side gets to do the dinner first, etc. It’s your Christmas aswell just do what you like

I have told my parents and ILs that we intend to broadly organise but if it doesn’t work for us one year then we won’t be doing it. Setting things out early stops people getting upset about it

YABU not to have worked this out months ago. November and December are prime for getting upset about Christmas plans. If you decide what you are doing in August, people know where they stand and have gotten over it by the time comes and made other arrangements

I didn’t like it when I was a kid and neither did my mum. We just wanted to be home doing Christmas our way. I had aunts and uncles but no grandparents though. For me Christmas has always been about being in my own home, whether that was as a child or adult. I really don’t enjoy being in someone else’s house. The only exception will be when my own kids start to host.

You need to take this in hand now.

You'll alternate each family (you can have a year at home too if you like). Both mums need firmly telling that the other partner has a family too. You'll arrive late morning after a lazy breakfast and your DC opening their presents and you'll go home in time for a decent bedtime.

Toss a coin for which family is this year and which is next.

We had years of this "Completism" where MIL didn't feel it was really Christmas unless she could survey the full complement of her offspring around the table. They need to learn to share.

This. Why are you dragging your poor kids around? Surely the day is about them too? Not trying to run around pleading all the big grown adults?

Why not see Christmas via your dc's eyes. Dragged from house to house or stay home and play with their gifts? Stop worrying about pandering to grown ups.

Alternating dates can become horribly binding, once you start you are stuck.

Ours love going to my parents and seeing their cousins. We do one year at home (aka as the boring year) and one year at my parents.

Time to stay home and relax

We have this every single year and it drives me insane, no advice really but you can’t make everyone happy someone will always have something to complain about! In my case anyway!

Stay at home and don’t get sucked into alternating years.

Due to having this same issue and not being able to cope with the sulking from either side we always have Christmas at home just the four of us. Kids prefer to be with their presents and not travelling anyway. Spend lots of time with both sides of the family both on the lead up to and after Christmas. My mum moans but I distinctly remember this being how mum and dad did it when we were small too!

Personally I feel it’s how much time you spend with them both during the course of the year that’s important not one day.

Dont go to either. We used to alternate but now the children are at the age they want to play with their new things we stay home. MIL comes to us, my parents are welcome but wont come, so we see them another day. I love not travelling Christmas day!

Prioritise yourselves and your children. Look to start alternating Christmas/Boxing Days each year (or whatever rotation works). If either set of GPs kicks you a stink then stuff it, stay home, avoid the grief!

Whoever asked you first gets this year then alternate

Announce that while the children are small and in the Santa phase you're staying at home on Christmas Day. You get to say 'No, we want this' as well, you know.

Three year rotation is the other option. Your own house, one side, the other side.

Stay at home. Everyone will be equally moany and it's therefore fair. Kids will have a nice chilled Christmas

Stay at home. See one lot Christmas Eve and the other lot Boxing Day

You can't tie yourself in knots trying to keep everyone happy - you and DH and your kids deserve to have a peaceful day too. Just pick one and tell the others you'll come to them next year. Who asked you first? Or you can just flip a coin!