The dreaded Christmas dinner

We alternate sides each year. My children really wouldn't want to spend christmas at home with just the five if us. They can do that all of the time! What makes christmas special for us is being surrounded by family.

Stay at home and leave them to it

Stay at home and let the children enjoy Christmas at home with their presents. We always have Xmas at home and the option is there for people to join us. Personally, I dont like giving the kids presents and toys, then taking them to someone elses house, and them not playing with their new toys on Xmas day.

Did you never watch the vicar of dibley? 🤣

one year we had 1 xmas dinner at one then evening another at other set of relations, we felt so full we felt ill never again.good luck

Ultimately someone is going to be upset here.
we had an alternate Christmas arrangement. One year with the in-laws and then the following year with my parents.
if that is what works for you then insist on it.
Were the in-laws on holiday last year because it wasn’t their year or was it just that you have no alternate arrangement and they just did what they wanted. Similarly, were you meant to see your parents but didn’t due to illness?
in all of this is anyone thinking about what you two may want? It’s your Christmas too. Have a chat with DH to decide what you want.

We never went anywhere on Christmas day even before kids.
Christmas eve we saw in laws and boxing day we saw my parents.
We didn't invite my parents christmas day because they always preferred to stay home even when we were kids. My in-laws spent every christmas day with one sister and stayed over then went to other sister for boxing day.
One year we asked his mum and dad for christmas day and she said no as they always go to Mary's. Dh was a bit upset as we asked in January so months of notice. We spoke to Mary and she said "i wish they would fucking go somewhere else as they'd never had a christmas day with just their kids.
Someone is always upset so best just to suit yourself.

Christmas at yours anyone is welcome to come. If they don't that's on them.

Most of our family live close by so quite easy to split time (although my Hubby's parents and brother are no longer with us so it is mainly my family) Christmas Eve is a large buffet tea at our house for whichever family members can make it (can be any number from a dozen to 20+)
Christmas morning has always been just Hubby, me and our children (our daughter now has family of her own so they alternate staying with us and her partner's family) after dinner we go to my Mum's, usually my sisters and their families are there and we swap presents. When my in-laws were still alive we would go there for a light buffet tea and more presents from them and my brother-in-law's family, now we come home to have a quiet night in front of the telly, although this year it might not be as quiet as it's our turn to have our daughter and her family stay with us so there will be a giddy 2yo Grandson in the mix.

As soon as we had our first we made it a tradition to stay home. So if kids are young it’s not fair to drag them away from all the new shiny toys they have got.

So my parents come to us, my in laws also come to us. On Boxing Day we had a buffet with my parents and brother, SIL and kids.

Do what is right for YOU and YOUR family

You can never please everyone. I don't have any solutions.

They all want you there. But the most important thing is - what do you want? What is best for your family?

I'd stay at home so your DCs have a lovely Christmas day in their own home without rushing around keeping everyone else happy.

Invite them all to yours on Boxing Day or visit one on Boxing Day and one the day after. I never understand the obsession with the 25th of December being the only day good enough to see family. Bizarre. Seeing them on 27th will be just the same. It's not as if any of them will be sat home alone with a ready meal on 25th is it?

Stay at home!! People are free to join you if they wish, but you have young children who deserve to enjoy Christmas in their own home. Other people can do the travelling if they want to.

Put your kids first. Create your own family traditions.

Go NC with all relatives

Three young kids? I'd stay home and enjoy the revelry of three kids on Christmas day, especially when they're young so will be getting toys from Santa Claus to play with! Don't get dragged in, you've been invited to two places and you can't please everyone, so please yourselves. They can drop in themselves if they'd like and you have your dinner at home.

Just because they both want you to go to their houses doesn't mean you have to go to both of their houses or to EITHER of their houses. You can stay home if that's what you would prefer!!!!! Do what works for your own children. Some people alternate and if you want to do that, that is fine. Then, just pick one and then see the other one next year.

Given that you think going to BOTH houses on Christmas day would be hard on your children, you definitely need to stand your ground on NOT visiting both houses. I can tell you from experience that I have at times done things to please my in-laws for Christmas, that made Christmas a lot harder for my kids, and I regret it A LOT. Adults should be able to manage their emotions but sometimes adults act as if they are the ones who need their emotions babied, and they expect the children to endure boredom, exhaustion, or unhappiness so that the adults can get everything they want. Christmas can be a source of joyful memories for children, if you don't let grandparent neediness get in the way.

This is the best response
ILs next year then home then parents in that rotation

This would be my reply.

Sulking is EXACTLY what we get

Whatever you choose, do it because YOU want to. I didn't years don't what my parents expected, including spending the day with the while family two days post partum. It took until covid to be able to say no. My kids only have happy memories of the day but I wish I'd been stronger.

I am really against the alternating years between the two sets of parents when you have young children; its really unfair to give them loads of new toys and then drag thm off to see grandparents & family when all they want to do is play with their new toys.

Your in laws have said what they want, your parents said what they want - what about you!? What do you and dh actually want!? Because your in laws and your parents feelings are not more valid than yours. Yes, they will be upset if you pick the other side, or if you stay at home - that's for them to feel, leave them to their feelings. It's not your job to manage their feelings for them, or find a way to keep the peace. Do whatever you want for Christmas day, whatever your children want. Everyone else can manage around that (e.g. see you boxing day, see you next year, visit you at some point during the day). It makes me sad the number of people desperate to do what all and sundry want, at the expense of their own happiness. Of course it's lovely to make others happy, but it's not your responsibility and it doesn't trump your own wants/needs. Your MiLs or dad's happiness isn't more important than yours, prioritise what works best for you, let everyone know the options for meet ups and let them deal with that however works for them.

@Aprilmaymum , we take turns (with our DILs family ) seeing our elder son and his family on alternate Christmas or Boxing Day.
You are being very reasonable if your collective parents can’t accept that you can’t cut yourselves in half perhaps you should stay at home and invite them all over on Boxing Day.

See initial post. OP did. MiL nixed idea as wants to host.