The dreaded Christmas dinner

Put your feet down now, and tell both sets of parents that you're staying home on Christmas Day from now on, but you'll see them both on Boxing Day, for brunch/ dinner at yours.

Honestly you can’t please everyone. You could totally please one side and the other would feel left out and vice versa. Your young children are the only people you need to please. Christmas’s are so special when they’re little and you don’t want to look back thinking you put the older generation first when they had their special Christmas’s with their kids. It’s your turn now. I did all the ferrying round and taking turns for dinner and it’s not kid friendly, it’s people pleasing.
Now I cook dinner myself and we leave at 3pm, visit 2 houses only (grandparents on each side) and back around 7pm. We’ve still seen people but doesn’t take up the full day! We used to leave at 11am and back around 8pm. That’s such a long day and let’s face it, kids would rather be at home with the toys they asked Santa for than sitting round houses.

This sums me up aswell and my daughter! My FIL actually said you’ll resent driving around different houses as he did! I did 4 years of taking turns (2 turns at each sides) and that was it, it was fair so no need to do more. I got so annoyed that my daughter barely had time to play with her toys she was excited about getting until the next day because we were out most of the day!
It was my parents turn that year and I said we will only be visiting and having dinner at home from now on because I wanted my daughter to have longer at home. Now we don’t leave until around 3pm and we’re home around 7pm! It’s so much better and much more laid back.
You just can’t please everyone and im not spending Christmas Day pleasing adults instead of my child! Christmas is about the kids and Santa

You can never please everybody so just please yourself.

Christmas is in my house..i also used to cook Christmas in my Mams house but she died suddenly 7 years ago so now it's only mine..one of my brothers and 2 sisters lives in UK,I live in ireland and they come home every 2nd year..I don't ever go there for Christmas..my other brother my cousin and her daughter come every year aswell..some years there's about 15/16 others 10 and I love it..my kids are grown now youngest is 16 and next is 18..older 2 are moved out 27 and 29 have own husbands and a child each..they will come to mine ..everyone loves this and are happy with it ..

This year I’m spending Christmas Day at my in-laws and Boxing Day at my parents. Next year it will swap - if my parents decided to go away next year, that’s fine - but they will “miss” their year to host Xmas day.

The whole point of Christmas being a 12 day festival is that there should be enough time within the 12 days to celebrate with everyone who is important to you. It's ridiculous to try to fit everyone into one day. It is still Christmas a few days later. In your position I wouldn't accept either invitation. Stay at home on Christmas day, visit one set of parents for a few days from boxing day and the others for a few days after that.

Reading this thread, you’d think no one enjoys spending Christmas with their families! If OP would prefer to stay home, then that’s one thing - but don’t stay home just because you can’t choose OP. Just do one this year and the other next. And I’d prioritise your parents, since they invited you last year but were unwell. I have little patience for parents who go on holiday for Xmas then expect people to drop everything on the year they’re around.
I’ve got young kids, and whilst we enjoy Xmas morning at home, I’d genuinely be sad if you told me we had to spend the whole day at home just us - that’s just every weekend. My kids love going over to grandparents/aunts/uncles houses, esp on Christmas.

You're gonna have to either pick one this year and do the other next year, or stay home

Or you go to your parents and he goes to his, and take which kids wanna go to which

Or...... book a holiday on xmas.

Plenty of similar responses but:

Stay at home with your children. Every year. You are a little family and you spend Christmas Day with that little family. Your children can have an un-rushed day, relax in their pyjamas, watch a movie and play with their toys.

We spent years visiting parents, dragging our little one along after present opening to visit both sets of parents (alternating dinner with each) We would leave the house around 10:30am and arrive back at home around 9:30pm. Everyone tired and grumpy, both sets of parents disappointed that we hadn’t spent longer with them. Daughter disappointed that she hadn’t had chance to play with her new toys. I said no more last year. When we were both little we spent our Christmas Day at home. People came to our (parents) house.

Everyone lives local, has access to a car and knows where we live. If they are that desperate to see us they know where we are and are more than welcome to come over at any time that suits them. That won’t happen as they will have to change their routine.

This year we are putting our daughter first.

Whose turn was it for Xmas 2024? Your parents or your in laws? It’s not your fault they were sick / on hols.

Just go to whoever’s turn it is this year.

You could just tell both sets why - that you can’t be in two places at once as they might just understand

Given your update, I'm assuming the siblings that are travelling in are here for a few days and not just the 25th, and that as a whole you get on with inlaws etc, I'd try and sort something so you can see both families over Christmas , if it's unlikely all family members will be together over the next few Christmases. You can't be in 2 places at once on the 25th so can you arrange something with one side on one of the other days but do ensure your kids have plenty of time at home to play with their new toys. Or stay home on 25th and arrange a day with both families another day

Honestly, as so many others have said, spend the day at home with just you, DP and DCs. They’re the ones to prioritise (don’t be guilt tripped).

I’ve always thought that the older generation of parents/in-laws had years of doing exactly what they wanted when their own kids were little (or years of trying to keep everyone happy but themselves). IMO it’s the one day of the year that kids want to be at home! And the one day mum and dad can have a drink without one being there the designated driver.

We used to spend the day at home because the DCs loved it, had an open invite to anyone who wanted to drop in (no one did usually, because they also wanted to stay at home!!) and did a whole family get together at some other point.

I understand that grandparents would like all their kids and grandkids together for the day, but there’s 364 other days to arrange something!

But you can have a Xmas meal together as a family on the 27th or 28th etc.

We stayed at home every year so that the children could play with their presents.

We have stopped visiting on Xmas day. We stay home now. It's not forever but with 3 children 4-8 they deserve it, toys to play with, their own memories to make. Anyone is welcome to come to us. Xmas eve and boxing day we are happy to move about. But Xmas day, we are staying home until they want to start visiting again.
I suggest you stay home this year and have a think about what you want your family Xmas to look like going forward. It sounds like both parents have other guests so you aren't leaving anyone alone. Just stick to your guns. It's nice to spread out the visits and extend Christmas.

So you are willing to ruin your own? But not anyone else’s. Your brother wants you to go to your mums but that want doesn’t cancel out your want to stay at home. He’s not more important than you are.

Please just stay at home and let your kids play with their gifts If they are young they will want to play. They are only little once and to be honest, I think younger kids find the traveling around after all the mornings excitement too much. Visit family on the following days. Explain nicely to the family your 3 young ones are excited for their gifts and when they are older, and it's easier to explain to them why they need to leave the house Christmas day then you will be joining them.

You have no need to feel guilty about this OP. It’s one day that’s special for your children and you don’t need to feel bad about prioritising them (and what YOU want) above what others would like. I’m sure if siblings are visiting from a long distance away you can get together with them either before or after Christmas Day.

Your parents and in-laws both want all their children together for Christmas Day, why is that more important than what your family wants to do?

When I was little we would get up (me and brother) all excited then mid morning we would have to go to one set of gran parents because Santa had left some things there.

After a couple of years my mum declared she had had enough, she would cook Xmas dinner, everyone was welcome but she had had enough of takin children away from their Xmas present.

make a choice, it doesn't have to be the same every year, but while your children are little they are not going to want to go to gran and grandads.

You can have meal with siblings another day.

How far are they both from you? Christmas eve have a takeaway at yours or one lots
Home for xmas eve night and Xmas morning play with toys etc
Go to whoever has younger children visiting so your littles can play with their cousins. Rock up for lunch with no prep, have a drink, play games with family
Boxing day see the other side for a buffet either at yours or theirs

Alternate if you wish or don't. Just say the travel is a bit much on the younger ones but you look forward to seeing them on boxing day or you could host a new year's eve party buffet. If there's lots of young children in the family I would enjoy it for the kids playing together. If it's stuffy and boring and all adults who want to do exactly the same stuff then I wouldn't
But I'm from a big family and loved huge Christmases. Harder now everyone can't afford a big house though and people are more spread out

Who did you go to the year before? Whomever that was, it’s the other sides turn this year. Was it yours?