Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aversion to darling little niece whilst pregnant

78 replies

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 13:57

I am probably being very unreasonable here. My little niece is 2 years old and bless her is a walking petri-dish. She goes to nursery 4 days a week and is sent home ill at least every other week. It isn't her fault, it's the nature of the beast, all the kids spread germs amongst each other and they're all always coming down with something. My parents who then do pick ups for my brother are also coming down with bugs frequently as well.

My SIL is so excited I'm pregnant (well everyone is) and keeps going on about how DN keeps asking when I'm having baby, and how excited she is. And to be honest the idea of her around my new born turns my stomach a bit.

They weren't that interested in me before I was pregnant, and I'm finding the attention overwhelming. But I also can't help seeing this runny nose and red cheeks and feeling queasy.

Is this normal?

OP posts:
TravelPanic · 13/11/2025 23:58

I kept my newborn away from all sick toddlers. Now I have a second I keep my elder child off nursery when there’s a bad bug going round, to reduce the risk of them catching it and passing it on to newborn.

just tell SIL that you want to reduce risk of newborn catching anything so please don’t bring niece along if she has even a hint of a sniffle until your baby is 6 months.

vitalityvix · 13/11/2025 23:35

Just make sure to ask everyone to be sensible when visiting your newborn - no visitors who are poorly or might be coming down with something, hand washing before holding etc. We’re entering RSV & flu season so you’re not being unreasonable to be cautious.

Allswellthatendswelll · 13/11/2025 23:29

QuickPeachPoet · 13/11/2025 22:56

Great, your niece can meet your child when she is at secondary school and yours in about year 4 then. Or how about keeping them apart when they are both at uni? Freshers flu and all that?

OK well that's a massive stretch from not wanting a snotty toddler visiting you in hospital newly pp isn't it 🙄.

Allswellthatendswelll · 13/11/2025 23:28

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:56

It is like my morning sickness. The same feeling of nausea I get when I think about blue cheese or raw meat (stuff ive always been fine with). It is a feeling of physical reaction.

I have no problem with sick kids. It is just when I hear another story from my brother about this week's ailment I feel physical revulsion about exposure to that. Whereas a few months ago I would have happily looked after her myself

Show quote history

That makes sense- pregnancy aversions are no joke!

There is absolutely no need for them to visit you in hospital. I can't think of anything worse than extended family there! We definitely are careful if DC have colds around new babies. Although Baby DD does get loads of colds off her brother and has been fine.

Elektra1 · 13/11/2025 23:05

It would be good to get used to the idea of a child with a runny nose being near a baby, if you plan to have more than one child.

QuickPeachPoet · 13/11/2025 22:56

Great, your niece can meet your child when she is at secondary school and yours in about year 4 then. Or how about keeping them apart when they are both at uni? Freshers flu and all that?

Indigomelon · 13/11/2025 22:39

YANBU Definitely sensible to avoid colds if at all possible. It’s so hard for a young baby to feed or sleep.when they have a blocked nose. It’s just miserable for them and you. I remember having to hold my baby upright all night as they were so congested with a cold. Hopefully your family will understand that they need to be careful while the baby is younger and more vulnerable. And a breast fed baby is not magically resistant to all viruses.

ApplebyArrows · 13/11/2025 22:05

Is all.this super-caution around babies getting infected a relatively recent thing, or just something I only noticed recently?

THisbackwithavengeance · 13/11/2025 21:46

I thought that one of the benefits of breastfeeding was to transfer immunity against common germs from mum to infant?

Original poster
Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:56

Allswellthatendswelll · 13/11/2025 14:29

I think saying ,"turns my stomach a bit" is a bit extreme. Unless you have horrible morning sickness! In a few years you might have a second child and then your new baby will most likely be exposed to nursery germs.
It's easy to get overwhelmed a bit when you are pregnant I think though.

It is like my morning sickness. The same feeling of nausea I get when I think about blue cheese or raw meat (stuff ive always been fine with). It is a feeling of physical reaction.

I have no problem with sick kids. It is just when I hear another story from my brother about this week's ailment I feel physical revulsion about exposure to that. Whereas a few months ago I would have happily looked after her myself

OP posts:
W0tnow · 13/11/2025 16:55

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 14:29

Of course not. But I think there's a bit of a difference between a robust toddler and a little newborn.

Show quote history

But if you have a second child you may well have a snotty toddler and a newborn.

New little cousins are so exciting! Just do what you can. No touching baby’s face, wash hands. No kissing.

Brenda34 · 13/11/2025 16:53

It goes like this....

She mentions visiting again
You say, "We're not having visitors."
She asks why
You say, "because we don't want them"
She says why not.
You say "because we just don't".

Bright and breezy. Job done

Brenda34 · 13/11/2025 16:51

Find out what the hospital policy is. Hopefully it's siblings only. Or you can just tell her that you're not having visitors.

Original poster
Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:50

saraclara · 13/11/2025 16:47

Did you have a second baby, or do you intend to? You can hardly keep siblings away from a newborn for four months!

Show quote history

Surely it's about avoidable risk though. If you have a sibling at home that can't be managed, but why would you go out of your way to find risk when it isn't necessary.

Just like if someone has a pet at home, that can't be helped, but comes with germ risk. It doesn't mean we should all go and seak out cats and dogs because baby can probably tolerate it.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 13/11/2025 16:49

Babies get colds. Wait until your literally sucking snot out of their nose as your that desperate for them to sleep more than 10mins

MrsFionaCharming · 13/11/2025 16:49

saraclara · 13/11/2025 16:47

Did you have a second baby, or do you intend to? You can hardly keep siblings away from a newborn for four months!

Show quote history

I’m currently pregnant with my second, and no I won’t be able to keep my toddler away from the baby. But I could keep him away from my niece, so why wouldn’t I try and protect her where possible?

saraclara · 13/11/2025 16:47

MrsFionaCharming · 13/11/2025 15:29

As the owner of a gross snotty toddler, I didn’t get to meet my new niece until she was 4 months old because I didn’t want to put her at risk. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want a newborn exposed to nursery germs.

Did you have a second baby, or do you intend to? You can hardly keep siblings away from a newborn for four months!

gigglygrace · 13/11/2025 16:47

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:44

Actually i don't really think I'd want anyone apart from my partner coming to the hospital. My SIL is the only one who has said outloud they assume they are visiting though, which is why I mentioned it.

I don't plan on being there long enough for visits- and if I am there for long enough then I doubt I'll want to see people anyway

Show quote history

I expect visiting will be for your children only, so I wouldn't worry too much. You might be able to find out for sure

Original poster
Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:46

StandFirm · 13/11/2025 15:51

I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep a baby isolated from other people, including germ-riddled toddlers. Your niece shouldn't be allowed to touch the newborn but being in the same room is no problem. Not to say babies should actively be made to pick up germs but if the toddler is up to date with their vaccinations, it's all part of a natural environment and good to build up immunity. Are you going to breastfeed OP? Your skin will have bacteria on it anyway even if you shower twice a day.

There's a difference between skin microbiome and colds and flu.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:45

Misanthropologie · 13/11/2025 16:22

But how do you think they get from the newborn stage to the robust toddler stage? Exposure to germs, is how.

Show quote history

But building up exposure gradually. Not from day one in the hospital.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 16:44

TableLegs001 · 13/11/2025 16:02

There’s a clear dislike for your SIL and DN in your post. Ok, leave them out. But it seems you will accept your parents in the hospital who apparently are germ-ridden as well.

Actually i don't really think I'd want anyone apart from my partner coming to the hospital. My SIL is the only one who has said outloud they assume they are visiting though, which is why I mentioned it.

I don't plan on being there long enough for visits- and if I am there for long enough then I doubt I'll want to see people anyway

OP posts:
HDready · 13/11/2025 16:22

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 14:30

It is only early on I'm worried about. My SIL was explaining to DN and said "we might be able to keep auntie company in the hospital" and I thought not bloody likely!!!

Edited
Show quote history

Most hospitals only allow siblings to visit maternity wards, so you’ll avoid that at least!

Misanthropologie · 13/11/2025 16:22

Lifeonaplate · 13/11/2025 14:29

Of course not. But I think there's a bit of a difference between a robust toddler and a little newborn.

Show quote history

But how do you think they get from the newborn stage to the robust toddler stage? Exposure to germs, is how.

TableLegs001 · 13/11/2025 16:02

There’s a clear dislike for your SIL and DN in your post. Ok, leave them out. But it seems you will accept your parents in the hospital who apparently are germ-ridden as well.

StandFirm · 13/11/2025 15:51

I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep a baby isolated from other people, including germ-riddled toddlers. Your niece shouldn't be allowed to touch the newborn but being in the same room is no problem. Not to say babies should actively be made to pick up germs but if the toddler is up to date with their vaccinations, it's all part of a natural environment and good to build up immunity. Are you going to breastfeed OP? Your skin will have bacteria on it anyway even if you shower twice a day.