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AIBU?

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Original poster

'I didn't say that'

33 replies

whyaretheylikethis · 13/11/2025 13:40

Don't you just hate it when you KNOW someone said something to you, you remember it clearly, you know hand on heart they said it. Would put my life savings on it type of know...

Then they hit you with 'I didn't say that' 'you misheard' 'you've made that up' 😡

No point to this thread btw. Just needed to get that off my chest.

Really REALLY aggravates me!

OP posts:
Namechanged47 · 13/11/2025 15:04

What would you say if the other person, perfectly sincerely, also was convinced that "hand on heart", their recollection (which is different to yours) was correct?

We all have bias to believe our own memories. And as @Greggsit says, despite how convinced we are, the reality, proven many times in many experiments, is that our memories are terrible, fallible and wildly inaccurate, and change over time (you are remembering the last time you recalled the memory, not in fact the memory itself - kind of like playing Chinese whispers with yourself).

We all look at life through our own filters.
Maybe aim for compassion and reaching common understanding - they're often times not doing it intentionally to spite you, and they may be just as frustrated with your "wrong" remembrances....

(And yes, some people also do it intentionally as a tactic )

elviswhorley · 13/11/2025 15:02

I literally will not tolerate this. I will not be around anyone who pretends to live in another reality. My abusive ex did this. He would begin with 'I was joking' then later 'I never said it'.

Greggsit · 13/11/2025 14:54

Memories are fallible, far more than people realise. They can change over time, far more than you would think possible. It's why eyewitness accounts in court should not be given the weight they often are.
That applies to both sies of a conversation.

RamsaySnowsSausage · 13/11/2025 14:50

My parents about everything in my childhood! They either didn't say or didn't do anything I remember and was also there for.

TheFlis · 13/11/2025 14:49

Who is doing this OP? It’s gaslighting and it’s abusive.

ChaosCoordinator2 · 13/11/2025 14:48

or "That's not my recollection"

Medexpert · 13/11/2025 14:41

My husband, every time I raise something he doesn't like to hear !

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 13/11/2025 13:46

Yes it's very annoying 😑