To think it would be nice for them to come to us for once

If your DM isn't bothered about you and their young grandchild, I wouldn't bother with them either. Stay at home this Christmas.

Difficult one, but I'd probably do whatever it takes to keep everything sweet, even though it meant putting myself out.
Christmas is such a memorable time that fall outs can drag on for years.

As someone with an expat DH, it really pisses me off when I hear people go 'but you chose to move'. I find it a very narrow minded view. Generally it is accepted that the person who does move is the one that travels home (hence every holiday I've had for 25 years, has been with the in laws 😀). But it wouldn't bloody hurt for you to travel and see your loved one in their home, just once for Christmas, would it?! Especially if it would mean the world for them. Or do you just stubbornly sit there and refuse on the basis that it was THEM who decided to move?!

I know for a fact that my DM wouldn’t want to travel to another country during the Christmas period if she had other dcs in the UK.
She would be willing to travel any other time .
Your parents visit twice a year but your dm doesn’t want to visit at Christmas . Tbf you are the one who moved abroad and I honestly don’t see why your DM should do something that she is not comfortable with
Also, it is too late to invite someone to another country
However, you should send a message similar to the one suggested by another poster and ask everyone to come next year

Stay home and enjoy your own family Christmas.

Maybe DM doesn't want to uptip the applecart by changing the routine with DS & DB at xmas - it seems unfair in one way but depending on personalities within the family it may cause bigger problems than she's willing to face. What is your relationship like with DM, DS & DB? Is there any sibling rivalry? Do your sister & brother ever visit you?

invite your siblings too?

I think this goes with the territory of being the one who moved abroad, unfortunately. You no doubt gain a lot, but a lot is sacrificed too. I think it's unfair to ask parents to spend Christmas away if they like spending it at home.

I have the opposite problem. BIL lives abroad and PIL have never been there for Xmas, so we always have to entertain them!

I'd stay at home if I were you. Tell your parents they are welcome to come and accept that if they don't want to then you can't make them. YANBU to be disappointed though.

It would be unreasonable to invite at short notice but you could say next year you would love them to come(can you invite siblings too?) and if they come great I

We had this issue when our children were small. We went to the inlaws a few times. One year, we just said we weren't doing it. MIL said that was absolutely fine as that's was their attitude when their DCs were little.

You see your family enough. Enjoy your peaceful, stress-free, Christmas.

Me too. It’s a huge life decision and fair enough if you want to do it. But to expect other people to travel to the random place you decided on as a regular part of their life is asking a lot. If they love visiting and have the money, time and energy, fair enough.

I agree with this.

I also think there is no obligation for you to come back to parents for Christmas. You want to spend Christmas at home, so do. Arrange a visit for before or after Christmas.

I don't think you can invite them for this year as it's too soon but presumably you are with them this year just say we're staying home next year and would love if you'd come and see DD open her gifts.

The ball is in their court then.

You don’t have to travel home every year. Stay at home .

It sounds like your brother is on his own while you have a family? I can fully understand why your mother would be more concerned about making sure he has somewhere to go over spending Christmas with you. Can you not invite your brother to come too?

I would stay at home this year. Then in January invite your parents and siblings to have Christmas with you next year. They have months to save for fares or decide not to come.

Read the post!

Invite your parents. If they don’t come have your Christmas at home just the way you want it.

Let them know you plan to stay home this year, let them know they are welcome to come and stay with you and then they can decide if they stay home or visit.

Hi DM & DD
we’ve decided to give DD a magical Xmas at home this year, one where she ( and us) can enjoy the festivities in our own home.
Let us know if you can make it , understand if you can’t and look forward to seeing you next year .
Love from Dogshatetherain 😊

Because they haven’t moved away so they have more of an ongoing relationship with them.

I say this as a sibling who moved away.

Because you are the ones who moved abroad, and so she’d have to leave them and her home and pay all the extra money for it, and possibly have Christmas under a different climate? Just stay and have Christmas on your own

Ultimately you can't control what anyone else chooses to do. You can explicitly invite them, absolutely, and let them know that you definitely won't be travelling for Christmas this year, but you can't compel them to visit you. That's up to them, as it should be.

What you can do is decide that it's a win-win situation, as far as you are concerned. Whatever your parents choose to do, you know you're not travelling, and that you will be either having a nice Christmas in your own house with your parents, or a nice Christmas in your own house with just you. Either way, your child gets to wake up in her own bed, and you don't have to try to conceal her FC presents in your luggage while travelling, or have them delivered to your parents' house or whatever. You can't lose.

It’s a bit last minute then, the flights will be quite expensive.

I stopped going back to my home country for Christmas because it was just prohibitive and stressful.