To think it would be nice for them to come to us for once

The change in rules for travel to and from the EU and possible greater delays than usual could be the reason to give this year, perhaps might make them think about coming to you say for Christmas 2026.

I wouldn’t travel for Christmas. They are assuming you will come if they don’t visit you. They might change their mind after realising the one 7yo grandchild was missed at Christmas…

DH moved away from his home town and the attitude is that we always had to go there as ‘he moved away’. Moving is a reality of life, not everyone can work in their hometown.
Might be too late this year but your DC deserves a Christmas at home.

To be fair, there is a huge difference between leaving your home town and leaving the country!

The latter involves international travel and a plane ride

Just stay hoMe at Xmas fgs.

You are not being unreasonable to want to have your UK family come to Christmas at least one. It is wonderful to be able to host family.

All you can do is invite them, then the ball is in their court.

When our children were small, we went to the inlaws (USA) once because we couldn't really afford it. When we moved to a larger house, we invited DH's parents and siblings to us. All but one brother came. It was lovely but we knew it was a one-off.

When we moved back to the US, we visited the ILs for the first Christmas (we literally arrived on the 18th December in suitcases, so it worked out). We did one more, and then said we wanted to stay at home (250 miles away). MIL said that was exactly what they did when they had young children. There really was no expectation in our family to get together at Christmas.

Christmas is such a rubbish time to travel and it's dark in the UK. We have a built in time to gather with family - Mothering Sunday, but I suppose these days, not a lot of people know this.

Fair lol, people move for all sorts of reasons, sometimes work. Families are more spread out now.
What should people do, never leave their home town?

I agree you should spend Christmas in your own home now and visit another time. Invite your parents (and siblings?) and it's up to them if they take you up on the offer.

I suppose if my children moved overseas I'd visit them when suitable for both, not necessarily around an event like Christmas (though maybe once in a blue moon). Travel around Christmas is more expensive, so maybe not the optimal time to travel to visit family anyway.

I don't agree that if you moved away the onus to travel is on you. You don't need to travel to them, but they don't need to travel to you. If people are invested in the relationship, they'll work it out, though you'll never see each other as much as when you lived local to each other.

When we were very young children, my parents moved us to another country. My sibling has returned to the original country as an adult. I've moved to a third country. My parents remain in the country they moved to. So who should travel then, since everyone moved? We just travel when we can (and, at this time, my parents do more travel to us as it's just easier for them).

You could just stay at home
you did move away - it’s a little unreasonable to expect others to rearrange lives around your choices

As someone who also lives abroad you are not being unreasonable here.

We are going home this Christmas, honestly I’m dreading it. Travelling with a 2 year old, having to be wet and cold instead of enjoying a warm Christmas holiday.
Once you have kids, it’s so much damn effort to get home (not just the cost) so it’s not an unfair ask to see if they would like to change one of their visits to be on Christmas.
In both our families, I find the ones who make the least effort at keeping that connection are always the loudest that ‘“You don’t visit enough”

Now since your siblings are adults, not children I’m sure they could handle being without your parents.

So do as she is. Have Christmas your way. At home.
Your dd will appreciate it..

Staying at home for Christmas seems fine to me. Given the inability of some airports to organise themselves well for Christmas and things such as border control queues, I can sympathise with anyone not wanting to travel over the festive period. Apparently Heathrow often fail on this, despite the airport having been open for over 80 years and Christmas celebrated in the Uk for over a millennium.

I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas abroad in a warm country. It’s just not Christmas.

You can’t expect to move country and then expect people to come to you.

im sure your mum would love to spend more time with her Grandchild but you took them abs moved country so you don’t get to feel a certain way about the effort she puts in.

They go back twice a year, her parents go over twice a year. OP says it's expensive and time consuming, so wants her parents to make another trip - presumably coming over three times this year so they only need to go back once?

I understand why this feels hurtful but there’s a lot to consider from their point of view as well.

You chose to move away to another country. When you do this, you have to accept that other people may not want to travel to this country and pay for all tne travel costs etc.
You say you don’t understand why your “siblings can’t be left, but we can.” I think the problem here is, your parents haven’t left you, you chose to leave. They may see it as, you made the decision to up and leave to another country, it’d on you, they can’t be expected to travel especially at Christmas etc.
You also say where you live is warmer, not everyone wants warm climates at Christmas. I’ve never fancied winter sun, I like the cold at Christmas and being all cosy and snug. This may not seem like a valid reason to not see family at Christmas, but it’s just a reminder to you as you mentioned it’s warmer where you live, that that may suit you and be nice for you, but it might not be what they want.

Ultimately I do agree with you that yes, it would be nice for them to come to you for once, but you have to understand why they may not want too. It’s a shame that it feels they are choosing your siblings over you, but your brother is alone etc. They see it as you have your lovely little family and you chose to jet off abroad so they feel you don’t need them the same anymore, unlike your siblings.

I do think the solution is to invite the OPs siblings (or at least her DB) as well.

But while the one who moves should do the travelling is the general view, it’s also fair enough to say if you’ve moved away and your family don’t want to come to you, then you can just stay at home and not visit either. It’s ok to not spend Christmas with extended family.

Eh? you seem quite angry about this and are painting a picture of people who would love to see their relatives but are not visiting out of sheer cold spite.

I dont think thats how it goes down at all. People might not have the funds to travel all that way, people might have pets to look after, people might have other elderly relatives who cant be left alone at Christmas, people might have children with SEN who dont travel well etc There are a myriad of reasons why people might not be able to do this and not all of them are to do with stubbornness. You could equally argue, if not seeing your family bothers you so damn much then why did you move so far away?

It’s probably for all the reasons you list (expensive, stressful, not the same as being at home) that your DM doesn’t want to come to you. It’s possible that she’s using your siblings as an excuse because she just doesn’t want the hassle.

It always surprises me when people move far away or abroad and then get frustrated when people choose not to travel to them. You chose to move away OP.

I have to say, I feel the same. You chose to move away from your family and therefore it's a bit cheeky to expect them to travel all that way. Would it be nice for them to visit you?- absolutely yes. Should you expect it- absolutely no.

Sorry OP.

Just because you moved abroad doesn't mean you always have to be the ones travelling at Christmas. A fairer scenario would be alternating, so you go to them one year, they come to you the next. But if they don't want to come to you (even though they have travelled to visit you at other times of the year), then they stay at home and you stay at home. They miss out on seeing their GD at Christmas but that's their choice? You've said you visit them during the year so it sounds like you're all doing a reasonable chunk of the travelling.

Would your DB and DSis not want to come out one Christmas, if there was space to host them all (or a handy B&B nearby)? If one of my siblings lived abroad, I'd jump at the chance to have a Christmas abroad (and my DS would like it too, none of us feel tied into having a "traditional Christmas" to enjoy it).

In short, you can have a Christmas at home if you want to; you may or may not have guests but I don't see why you can't alternate to make it fairer for yourselves.

I’ve seen this stance pop up multiple times across MN, it seems to be the general consensus here.

I honestly don’t understand it and find it quite sad, people move for a multitude of reasons and very often is also to help the family that stays in the home country. Half my mother’s siblings live abroad and she always made arrangements to visit them, it was the highlight of my holidays, and they also visit when they can. I live abroad too and it gets grating after a while when people constantly ask when am I visiting. Same distance both ways.

@Doghatestherain enjoy Christmas at home. I’ve grown to appreciate my stress and hassle free christmases, plus not spending a fortune on flights.

Nowhere near the distance you have but we hit a similar spot. My MIL would only have Christmas in her home. It was too hard for us to take in both parents with the distance involved and we just wanted to have Christmas in our home for once. That turned into having Christmas at home every year. The kids preferred it. It was more restful for us. So we told everyone we are staying home for Christmas, they are welcome to visit on the day, or around the day. An open door on Christmas policy works, then it's up to them.

You need to be assertive this Xmas. “Next year we’re having Xmas at ours. It’s not fair on DD, and too much stress on us every year. We would like you to come to us for a change, but the decision is yours.”

I don't think they are unreasonable for saying no. Just enjoy your Christmas at home, and celebrate on one of their other visits.