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Original poster

How can I protect myself financially? (Unmarried, children involved)

53 replies

Pippir · 13/11/2025 11:58

Figures and dates rounded for simplicity!

I met DP in 2020, he had three children who are with us part-time, and I earned more. In 2022 we bought a house as tenants in common for 400k and I paid all of the 75k deposit (plus fees/costs of about 20k). We agreed a declaration of trust to say, if the house is sold, I get my 75k deposit back plus 90% of additional equity as I was to pay 90% of the mortgage payment. Property prices were rising so this felt like a decent investment for me; better than wasting money on rent.

Fast-forward to now. We have a baby in nursery, I’ve chosen to work part-time and the property value hasn’t risen at all. We now have equity of c. 100k, so if we sold today, I’d get around 97.5k and he’d get 2.5k. He’s had an inheritance of 75k which he wants to spend on an attic conversion to add a bedroom (and I agree) and we both want him to pay 50% of the mortgage, as I’m struggling to on my part-time salary.

How would you update the declaration of trust?

a) first 97.5k to me, next 2.5k to him, 50/50 of anything on top
b) first 97.5k to me, next 77.5k to him, 50/50 of anything on top
c) as we’ll both have put in 75k deposits, first 22.5k to me, next 2.5k to him, split anything else
d) something else

Complicating factors: the 75k of work won’t add 75k of value (probably half of that) but we don’t want to move. He is from a wealthy family and likely to get lots more inheritances over the next few decades. I am not and won’t. We have been going through a rough patch and doing counselling, but hope having more space would help. If we split, I’d be the primary carer of our baby and he wouldn’t pay much maintenance as he already has the three children. For these reasons, I want to protect my own finances.

I have overthought this and can’t make sense of it anymore.

OP posts:
TheTwenties · 13/11/2025 12:47

What would happen if the market crashed and there was a negative equity situation- would you end up owing more than DP? It might seem far fetched but isn’t beyond the realms of possibility. At least an ongoing 50/50 ownership would rule out you being worse off in a negative situation.

Original poster
Pippir · 13/11/2025 12:36

40YearOldDad · 13/11/2025 12:21

Option D - Variable Equity Adjustment Clause

First £97.5k to you.
Next £2.5k to him (to preserve current equity split).
Then, credit him £75k* or whats left from the sale if sale price doesnt cover all costs
Split any further equity 50/50.

*You could argue this should be the lower value of a price increase, ie if it costs 75k but only adds 45k of value. Still, who knows what will happen to markets in 3,5 or 10 years? Today, it may have a zero effect, but in 10 years, that extra room, etc, could potentially far outweigh the 75k purchase price. IMO it wouldn't be fair to only offer the value increase at today's rates.

You could also have a sunset type clause written into this, whereby the rates decrease over a specific period of time, ie married 20 years it's 50/50, etc, that's something his solicitor may ask for.

Thank you! Is that not the same as b, ultimately?

I guess that seems fairest, but also it feels unfair that he’s paid barely anything for three years, and I’ll be paying five times that for no return for an indefinite period.

I suppose I took a gamble which didn’t pay off but he benefitted from, and now he’s taking a gamble too which both of us could lose from (him on his money, but also me as my 50% won’t be going to me, but to paying back his share, probably for a good few years). Does that make sense?

OP posts:
40YearOldDad · 13/11/2025 12:21

Option D - Variable Equity Adjustment Clause

First £97.5k to you.
Next £2.5k to him (to preserve current equity split).
Then, credit him £75k* or whats left from the sale if sale price doesnt cover all costs
Split any further equity 50/50.

*You could argue this should be the lower value of a price increase, ie if it costs 75k but only adds 45k of value. Still, who knows what will happen to markets in 3,5 or 10 years? Today, it may have a zero effect, but in 10 years, that extra room, etc, could potentially far outweigh the 75k purchase price. IMO it wouldn't be fair to only offer the value increase at today's rates.

You could also have a sunset type clause written into this, whereby the rates decrease over a specific period of time, ie married 20 years it's 50/50, etc, that's something his solicitor may ask for.

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