Exasperated with nip screw husband.

LOL, He sounds fine to me. Recently, the sole on one of my hiking boots started to come away from the shoe and DH offered to glue it back on for me!!
See, he could be a lot worse!
Love your very amusing and well written post😀

@moita
Most of our money is in joint accounts - but I've always asked to spend larger amounts (he doesn't) - he bought a boat without my knowledge recently.

He has been known to send stuff that I've bought back. I'd be embarrassed if I had to arrange for a new dishwasher to be collected.

But I'm not washing the dishes! And I'm not caving in! I will stand firm!

My own money is in savings which cannot be accessed easily.

I don't want a fancy, more expensive model - just a good basic make will do. And I can't see another lasting as long as this one has.

He says I'm extravagant - which couldn't be further from the truth. The current dishwasher is the first one I'd ever had, I refuse to go back to dishwashing by hand.

That doesnt make sense. If a part is broken and can be replaced to make it function again then it is waste to throw away. This applies even if its a second part that broke.

@Mix56

I usually get clothes (treat myself) Christmas and birthdays. Can't remember when we stopped doing presents for each other. Hairdresser - every 6 weeks. He drives an old Audi A6 and has vans (and motor bikes), I have a new Toyota CHR and a little black Porsche with very little mileage as I mainly have the grandchildren with me.

He's just left to go pick up a new bicycle for our grandson which he's bought on a whim - don't even know if he's grown out of his current one. But he won't pick up a dishwasher which happens to be in stock and closer than the bike shop.

There's nothing he can't mend - he's brilliant really. Will happily do anything for everyone - apart from me.

I once used my friend's phone to call him - a 'plumber' (although he was a gas engineer) to come and mend my shower. He said he'd drop in after 6pm on his way home from work until I gave him our address when he promptly told me to F Off.

It's me - isn't it?

I thought this was going to be about BDSM

What on earth does nip screw mean? Edit to say - I get what it means, but where does the expression come from?

@QwertyAtThirty

I think I am scared - yes.

How bloody ridiculous - I'm 59 for God's sake.

Just to add, in regards to your final sentence, I think it's quite normal to be more generous with the children, in many ways that with yourselves. It's also his dishwasher, his kitchen, his washing up, so he's not singling you out, the dishwasher is a joint thing belonging to the adults of the house, if you see what I mean. He's trying to save you both money not trying to make you personally suffer, I'd suggest. Based on this, I wouldn't say he hates you at all! He's just trying to do things in a different way to you.

However he's being silly here and you should just buy the dishwasher, or tell him he must do all the washing up until it's sorted if this is what he really wants to do.

I would say just order a new dishwasher. You are married, supposed to be a partnership.
No washing up, no cooking as no clean pans or utensils. Order takeaway that you can eat without cutlery.

Whatever happens, I do hope he doesn't decide to buy you a dishwasher for Christmas or your Birthday.

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

This might be the saddest thing I've read in a while, I really feel for you OP.

That conflict between your 'for better or worse' vows, knowing that the behaviour shift is likely medical. And on the other hand, not wanting to waste your own life on someone who just isn't nice to you.
There's no right answer here - I don't even know what I'd do - besides exactly what you're doing, carving out your own life and keeping away from him as much as possible.

@PrizedPickledPopcorn

Aye - all six grandchildren are ND. One DGD has a life changing illness. Another DGD carries this illness. Another DGD has a growth on sinus which we've been told is benign - gives her terrible headaches, it continues to grow. One DGS has espilesy and we get the impression that school can't be bothered with him and will inform us at his next EHCP review in November that they can't meet his needs (also global delay). One DGS has ARFID and is painfully small/thin. One DGS has many meltdowns per day.

I knit daily and I'm learning to crochet. My life is full of medical appointments and hospital visiting. DGD has had more than 15 weeks in hospital in the last 14 or so months.

And to cap off my wonderful day - all three of the DGC I picked up from school paddled through a huge pile of dog dirt plus dog diarrhoea. So three pairs of disgusting shoes. Oh plus worm casts as I told them to wipe their shoes on a grass verge and they ended up mud caked in addition to dog dirt up the fronts and sides of the shoes.

Both my daughters have offered to have me live with them but I would never do that to them. I wouldn't leave my home.

Whenever I ask H to talk about our situation rationally it's never convenient. There's a birthday this weekend so we'll turn up and smile as usual. Straight after he's going to our static caravan for a week of walking with his father - my respite. He refuses to go from Fri - Sun when I can go because the 'site is too busy at weekends' so he only goes late Sun -Fri, so I can't go because I'm taking DGC to school.

We rub along daily, I don't talk to him unless I have to. I go out regularly on evenings with my daughters and with friends - we get dressed up and have a good time. I have a social life now which doesn't include him. I'm not lonely for want of being with people, I'm missing our past social life, lovely meals out, days out at weekends, gardening together, hikes, skiing - it all seems a lifetime away.

If the boot was on the other foot and it was me who had a changed personality/brain damage - I don't know if he would have walked away.

He always said that we'd be the white haired old couple holding hands on the bench, looking out to sea.

It's such a shame - I believed him.