Exasperated with nip screw husband.

I am sorry that you are scared of your husband. Sounds like the problem runs deeper than replacing a dishwasher. Sorry, I was jesting earlier about a new dishwasher being cheaper for him than divorce, and had not realised that your situation was more serious.

Maybe it's time for you to consider some individual counselling and some independent legal and financial advice - particularily if he has become abusive.

What you need is a divorce solicitor. This is no way to live @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

I couldn’t live like that.

I would just order the dishwasher and have the old one taken away.
If he complains I'd just say "You bought a new boat without discussion".

If he gets abusive and aggressive because of you ordering a new dishwasher I would consider leaving him.

While I'm all for mending things rather than just replacing an item with a new one, sometimes there's no point continuing to mend things if the appliance is on its last legs. It was a good idea to try to fix the dishwasher with a new part first but as it's broken again already then it's time to get a new one.

My ex used to be like this with repairing things. He insisted on repairing everything but then took forever to get around to it (due to being out drinking with his mates etc), but got very aggressive when I said I'd call a tradesperson in to do it. He said everyone in the village would speak badly of him if I had to phone one of the village businesses to get someone to repair something he could replace himself. Well FUCKING DO IT THEN!! This would sometimes spur him into repairing whatever it was pretty quickly. Or not.
He used this as a way of getting at me and it took me a while to realize. He used to do it with the car wheel changes in winter (I live abroad and it's compulsory to change to winter tyres before a certain date).

Anyway, he's an ex. And I'm glad. Because if something breaks I'm free to decide which company to call to repair the thing or to replace it if it can't be repaired. And here we also get money back from the local government if we get electrical appliances repaired - you can claim up to €150 per year for repairs.

He bought a boat without consulting you but won’t "let you" replace a broken fifteen-year-old dishwasher?? I wouldn't hesitate to order it immediately. And why on earth would you be responsible for arranging to send it back if he objects? I certainly wouldn’t do that, and if he sent it back himself that would be the end of our marriage.

Imo you need an urgent review of your relationship and financial affairs. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

This. But I assumed a nip screw was um, a possibly minority practice best carried out in the bath.

This. Absolutely. What makes him the boss?

A top of the range new dishwasher would be a bargain for him compared to a divorce!

You have my sympathies OP!

I am more grateful for having a lovely (but faaaar from perfect!) DH every day I spend on MN. The large and small acts of selfishness and thoughtlessness in marriage written about in posts makes me quite sad - why are so many people so crap to each other when there is no need for it?

I’m going against the grain here because I would not order the new dishwasher. However over my dead body would I wash so much as a teaspoon. I would wait him out as you are doing. To order it allows him to continue to be the problem, to complain and play the martyr. He should buy into the decision. I’d order take outs if necessary if no cooking implements are left until the dishwasher works.
However, I would attempt to set a monetary limit for you both and state either, any purchases by both of you over that limit need pre-approval, or each can buy what they want - which is it? Oh and by the way option 2 involves a new dishwasher turning up tomorrow. If he goes option one then buys a boat, return it!

Waste not want not.

Have you heard yourself - you hate washing up, 2 days of washing up. Bloody hell it’s only a bit of washing up.

I’m nowhere near tight, but putting stuff in landfill when there’s nothing wrong with it is wanton waste.

Previous generations will be turning in their graves.

"He drives an old Audi A6 and has vans (and motor bikes), I have a new Toyota CHR and a little black Porsche with very little mileage as I mainly have the grandchildren with me."

You have all those vehicles between you - plus a boat - and he's quibbling about a new dishwasher? Good grief.

Tbh OP, with all the talk of spare Porsches and boats and the like, you're not exactly hard up! A dishwasher is, what? £400? Just order it, have it delivered, get the old one taken away. You don't need to be asking permission, or getting him to pick it up. Just make a decision. It's not that deep.

Unless you're worried about him exploding in anger when he discovers it. In which case your problem isn't that he's tight; it's that he's abusive and frightening.

I just this morning texted DH to tell him I'd ordered a new microwave and it's getting delivered on Saturday, to which he replied "Oh thanks for sorting all that, sorry I forgot to even do any research!" I think that's a pretty normal response unless you're really living hand to mouth.

“Don’t you dare”? Unless he’s likely to respond with violence, you dare. How fucking dare he speak to you like that?

Yes, he hates you. Why haven't you left this prize years ago? Still, it's never too late.

He bought a boat? Like, a small canoe? Or an actual boat? And he calls YOU extravagant?

I can only conclude that this man hates you.

You are allowing him to be the boss. You need to get into the habit of not asking him.. Buy a new dishwasher. Get it plumbed in when he is not there and get the old one taken away.

Making you send back stuff you have ordered is a particularly sadistic kind of controlling behaviour, but all.of this is controlling and therefore abusive. He is a misogynistic twat (and I suspect he is also coaching his daughter to "be good" for the men in her life).

If he was nip screw (wonderful expression) about everything - an equal opportunities meanie if you like - that would be tiresome..But this sounds pointed and abusive.

I've always known it from Georgette Heyer books.

I would order it to be not only delivered, but spend the extra to get it installed and the old one taken away. They won’t have it returned once it’s installed.

Good point.

Get a new one from AO and get the disposal option in with the order.

They'll take the old one away, so he won't be able to fix it and send the new one back !

Come on OP, be a bit creative, you spotted a Black Friday bargain and went for it………. TaaDaa!