Exasperated with nip screw husband.

Most sensible post so far.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche Do you think your life would improve if your husband had some therapy that is specific to his post-op situation? Can he be persuaded to do so? The current situation does not seem compatible with you holding onto your sanity and good mental health.

Is it that he is unable to now keep how to behave fairly/cooperatively in his mind? Has his executive function been affected as well as his personality? There are strategies for supporting poor executive function, like having visual reminders up where he can see them. Do you know what is involved in the therapy he was offered but did not take up? Were there any adaptive strategies taught? I guess you might know this already from your fb support group, or you could write to his consultant asking for general information and support (explaining your current difficulties).

Another one saying you need to reframe your language OP - we have a dishwasher in our house I have never referred to it as mine. It’s an appliance - it’s everyones.

I’m glad a replacement is coming and I’m sorry to hear how ill your DH has been. That is a terrifying thing to happen to anyone. Now’s the time to start referring to all appliances as “the” dishwasher, “the” washing machine etc.

Honestly OP I’m so sorry, I’m sure there are times when you wish he hadn’t survived 😢

But the one thing that experience should have taught you is that life is short and we will all be dust soon.

Time to stop him ruining what time you have left.

I googled and I got mostly nipple weather bar screw results (not remotely as sexual as they sound!).

It sounds as if he spent a long time with a very low blood pressure as a result of his dissection. That would be enough to sustain brain damage due to not enough blood getting to the brain.

His personality change sounds a lot like this: impulsive purchases, loss of empathy, not being able to assess risk.

Ideally he would see a neuropsychologist but he would need to recognise he has a problem. And it is also fine for OP to feel she is done with this relationship.

Odd because the term “nipcheese” means miser, but nip screw means nothing - it’s nonsense. @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche , you said your mum used the term so maybe she mixed up nipcheese and a loose screw?

I am sorry @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche it sounds like you are in a horrible situation. The man you married all those years ago has gone. The man you are married to now is a different person.

From what you have talked about with others is recovery possible? If that seems unlikely then I wonder if the only reasonable next step is divorce.

I was going to say the same thing! It’s categorically not your dishwasher, it’s a kitchen appliance.

Tell him the new dishwasher is an early Christmas present to you both. Sadly, 15 years is old for household appliances nowadays and they're not really built to be repaired (however skilful the handyman). I'm very sorry for your situation.

Nothing will change unless you change your responses to him, OP. When he 'goes beserk' over the new dishwasher, you should first warn him that you will not tolerate this behaviour from him. When he doesn't believe you, you should calmly get your coat and go and stay elsewhere for a few days. I would have a bag packed in the car in readiness. He is not going to change unless it inconveniences him to behave the way he is behaving. Seriously, you could investigate the process of separation and divorce, even if you're not fully ready yet. What's the point in spending the rest of your life being 'exasperated?'?

Have you read OP's post about post- surgery personality changes?

However many flash cars they have, brain damage is not most people's idea of a stealth boast!

Why are you still with him? What does ge bring to your life?

But it's not waste though is it. He's fixed it once and it's broken down again so as it's 15 years old, it definitely needs replacing. I understand if it was a couple of years old but 15 and already broken down twice. He's a tight bastard, especially when he buys fucking boats without telling OP

Hang on - your shower was broken so you used your friend’s phone to call your husband to schedule a time for him to come and fix it and when he realised that it was you calling he told you to “f - off?”

Just go and see a lawyer. Get all your financials organised and find out how much you would get if you divorced. It’s easier once you realise that not only will you have peace of not being told to “f-off” but you will also have money from a man who hates spending money if it will benefit you.

Only here to find out what nip screw means…

By the way IKWYM about the husband who will jump to help any needy neighbour or acquaintance whilst jobs stack up in their own home. My dad was one of those and DH would be if he wasn't such a decent person. It's a curse being practical and able to make, build and fix things becuase you will NEVER pay a tradesperson to come and do something here and now.

Either that or massive financial abuse...

12k to your daughter?
A new boat for him?

But no replacement dishwasher for you?

Madness.

This thread feels a bit like a stealth boast 🙄

Oh I thought this was going to be a kinky thread 😆

’don’t you dare’…

Fuck off.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, can you let your daughter know what’s happening so she can talk to him, and also so she knows the situation if things got worse? (Which I hope they don’t). If he’s irrational and shown himself to be abusive I would be concerned about your welfare, please consider leaving the house. I’m also concerned that replacing things like heating elements and circuit boards could lead to an electrical fire

At your age you could have another 25 years of this, and that's way too long to be financially controlled.

Buy the dishwasher, get it plumbed in when it's delivered, so it can't go back. If he won't accept that you have the right to do this, then tell him counselling/mediation or it's over.

Sounds like you can afford to split up, but if necessary you could always pick up a part-time job, or your children could pay you for babysitting, if the time you spend looking after your grandchildren would stop you from being able to work.

He's taking you for granted - the huffing about not having a clean spoon, because you haven't cleaned up after him, would kill any affection I had for him.