Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

Very strange. There must be feelings involved otherwise how would it happen?

I am heterosexual and it wouldn't even occur to me to kiss one of my close female friends. It would be like kissing a family member.

It is up to you whether you tell your DH or not and whether you feel like you can live with the secret, but surely you must be questioning your sexuality? If you identify as bi or pansexual etc then please ignore me but I can't understand how a person who identifies as straight would find themselves in a situation where they have kissed another woman who they are close to.

My ex wouldn’t, my current partner would definitely see it as cheating. I (wrongly) thought because it’s a woman all men would be like my ex and automatically enjoy the thought of it but it’s not the case at all.

As a lesbian who only realised I was gay later in life (mid-30s) and came out then, I don’t think the concept of “just a kiss between friends” when the friends are adult women with families, is consistent with “I’m very much a straight woman”. You can have a very close female friend as a straight woman without ever having the desire to kiss her. Conversely, when I believed I was straight, definitely wanted to be straight, I kissed “friends” sometimes and always brushed it off afterwards. Eventually I met a woman I fell head over heels in love with and that was the end of “I’m straight”. I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone else at the time, though.

What is the situation....

The two of you at one of your homes watching a film etc leading to a kiss, yes I am sure he will be jealous (I would be).

The two of you on a night out with friends and have a quick peck on the dance floor, no that's fine.

How did the kiss happen? There's a difference between a silly drunken kiss and being overcome with the urge to kiss your friend, I think the fact it was another woman is irrelevant

Mine would be buzzing

I'm male and I'd be fuming if DP had done what you've done @Loralo .

When we were younger, DP would occasionally kiss one of her friends on drunken nights out, because she knew it was a turn on for me, and because the reaction of the men around amused her.

What you've done isn't that though. You've engaged in an emotional affair. It's no less of an emotional affair just because it's not with the sex you're usually attracted to. And now that affair has progressed to physical. Why on earth would your husband not be upset about that!

You cheated.
I don't think you should tell him.
But you do need to do a lot of reflection about what happened and why.
You had an emotional affair with another person and you kissed them. It doesn't matter which sex the other person is.

I have a DH who works long hours, and frequently travels with work. I also have lots of close female friends in similar situations. We confide in each other, and offer practical & emotional support. I’ve never kissed (or been tempted to) kiss any of them. What I’m getting at, is it seems like there’s more to unpick here for you, is it lack of attention, lack of affection, feeling overlooked, undervalued?
All of this you can address with your DH.
is your friend going to confess to her husband, as that may force your hand.

We've agreed to be monogamous so yes, of course he'd care about "just a kiss". And don't people always claim it's a one-off? I think you had better take it seriously.

If you are determined to make your marriage work, I don't think you should necessarily confess. Why risk making your husband unhappy for no reason? But you need to avoid the person to whom you are attracted, focus on what you value in your family life, and make sure this doesn't happen again.

Gender and sexuality has nothing to do with it- the point is you kissed someone else.

I am a bisexual woman and one of my oldest female friends is gay- we have shared beds etc over the years and never kissed, because we don't see each other in that way. You clearly do with this friend.

A kiss is a kiss imo, makes no difference what the sex of the other person was. In our marriage we don’t kiss other people and that’s it. I think my husband would be just as upset if I kissed a woman as if I kissed a man.

Whatever the case male or female you kissed someone else, yes you should tell your dh if he kissed another women or male what you be thinking right now I wonder

If you decide not to tell DH then you need to take a step back from your “friend”

Being a mum is tough but I’ve never kissed a mum friend even through the toughest of times.

You cheated on your husband - emotionally, practically and now sexually.

I asked my husband this ages ago as a hypothetical question and he said he would still class it as cheating regardless of who it was with . I agree with him

If it really is a one off, then I wouldn’t say anything as I can’t see what is to be gained by telling him. Sounds like you were both low & lacking something in your marriages & found comfort in one another but have realised that it’s not something you are going to pursue further. Try working with your DHs on your relationships & getting that back to where it needs to be & keep your distance from one another.

Kissing another woman is the same as kissing another man. Would he laugh it off if you kissed a man? Why would he because she's a woman? You cheated on him, you had an emotional affair and kissed someone else, that's the end of it really. If you come clean it's down to you but I would think very hard about the outcome of this before you plough ahead.

It sounds like you were attracted to each other or you wouldn’t have kissed. So possibly not straight? This may come as a shock to admit it but perhaps you’re in denial about your sexuality. I wouldn’t tell him as it could blow up your marriage.

I had a similar co-dependent relationship with a female friend. Nothing physical ever happened but I'm certain if I'd given her the slightest encouragement, it would have. We were both married to men. My husband can be shockingly perceptive sometimes (and horrifically dim at others!) and he was definitely uncomfortable with mine and this friend's dynamic. He generally expressed it jokingly by saying things like "you fancy her more than me" or "you'll run off with her someday". She did, for a time, feel like my (platonic for me) soul mate so I get where he was coming from.

The friendship has now ended for unrelated reasons but looking back, I can see that she very frequently said and did things to undermine my marriage. She was quite manipulative and we were definitely unhealthy for each other.

In terms of your DH, he'd be quite right to feel you cheated - because you did. I think if I'd shared a kiss with my co-dependent friend, my marriage could very well have imploded.

@MinPinSins see also the post where a man describes this as 'the milder end of cheating'. Why? Because it was 'just' a kiss or because neither of them have a penis? The misogyny on this thread...

Was it a mistake? Or did you want to kiss her back op? How do you feel about her?

I ask because whilst young (and unmarried but in a serious relationship) one of my friends suddenly kissed me. It was so out of the blue, I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do - and was curious whether it was an experience I would like. Did you have the choice? Were you consciously choosing to kiss her?

If the answer is no, then I would tell your dh the entire truth and that you were blindsided.
Maybe she has feelings for you, and was looking for the right time.

If you did enjoy it, welcome it, kiss her back please go into counselling before doing anything to decide how you feel before doing anything. You need time to establish your feelings first.

Man, woman, it really doesn't matter.
You cheated.
And it does seem as if you're somehow trying to blame your husband for you kissing someone else because he's never there.

I think you should tell him only because it might spiral if you keep it quiet ie he might be more concerned that you hid it, instead of being concerned about the kiss itself.

Of course he would - it’s cheating!