Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

What a peculiar response! It really wouldn't bother you if your husband kissed someone (man or woman) that he had been spending a lot of one on one time with? Wow, get you, you're so cool! Your husband must be loving the freedom you so generously allow him with other women.

The only time I’ve ever known this happen was a friend of a friend who was getting a bit bored in her relationship and kissed a random woman on a night out. She told herself it meant nothing and it was a one off to feel “free” again.

Fast forward six months and she had met a woman on a dating site as she needed to scratch the itch further, and left her husband. Fast forward a year and she is now engaged to that woman. Just saying!

It’s weird because without the kiss, I’m not sure it constituted as an affair as such purely because neither of you consider yourselves to be homosexual. I can see why people are saying it was an emotional affair because obviously had this been a man, it may well have been but when it’s a woman and you’re both heterosexual, it’s surely just a very close friendship?

The kiss complicates things a lot. In combination with the over reliance you’ve developed for one another, I’d say it pushes it into affair boundaries irrespective of sexuality. You’re right to give her a break.

I probably would tell DH and would frame it as you have on this post. You were both feeling lonely, husbands are not around much, you had a shared vested interest in your DC and it all became a bit too much. You don’t know why the kiss even happened and feel confused about it but have parted ways from her and wanted to be honest with him.

Reminds me of the film bridesmaids when the two women get drunk and kiss on the plane 🤣
there are a lot of very judgmental and uptight people on this thread!
I wouldn’t tell him unless you think there’s more to it as in you are actually attracted to this friend.
All the judgy people on this thread who have obviously never done anything wrong should take a look at themselves! Little Mr and Mrs perfects everywhere!!

My DM had an emotional affair with a woman that became sexual briefly.

They divorced but when my dad died 10 years later, we found information about it. So my DM had to tell us all and apologise.

I don't know what you ought to do about telling anyone, but I do think you should end it.

Am I missing something? You say this woman is just a friend you spend a lot of time with and got close to. Most people don't snog their friends, even very close ones, unless perhaps they are blind drunk. Something is going on!

I think he will be very upset. Imagine if it was a man you kissed? How would he feel? I would imagine he would feel similar about this woman but a bit more confused. If it was a one-off and you want to keep your marriage I would be inclined to keep quiet.

It's cheating and yes my DH would care.

Ouch, that will hurt any man’s ego.

If a partner of mine kissed another fella I would be even more disgusted than if they had kissed another woman. Having said that I would end the relationship in either scenario.

Wow ! You cheated and imo the worst way by having a gay affair . Your husband should leave you !!

Are you serious? What do you expect to achieve by telling him?

He's unlikely to be impressed that you kissed anyone regardless of sex. At best.

That's called having mum friends but I never kissed mine 😂

I’ve had a few friendships over the years, people whose company I enjoyed and really got on with and spend lots of time with. Didn’t want to kiss any of them. Still friends but life changes and people get busy etc so friendships transitioned to more infrequent, but still close.

I’d only ever been attracted to men so it wouldn’t have occurred to me to kiss any of them!

I then had one intense friendships where I realised I did want to kiss her, I woke up in the morning wanting to message her. Spent all my spare time with her… We’ve been married now for 10 years. So I wouldnt dismiss what’s happened as if it’s a natural thing to have happened because you got so close. It’s not. Don’t tell your husband and keep your distance while your crush dies down

this

Depends on your husband tbh only you can judge that. What were the circumstances of the kiss? Who initiated? If it was just a silly kiss then I'd veer more towards not saying but putting in the effort to communicate with your husband about feeling lonely etc and trying to sort issues you are having, if you still want to be with him that is.

If the OP realised she is a lesbian and no longer wanted to be married to man, then she should end her marriage before finding a girlfriend. The sex or sexual orientation of the extramarital relationship does not cancel out the infidelity.

Regardless you've cheated, you've crossed the line. It doesn't matter if theres no feelings involved, It doesn't matter if they are the same gender and it doesn't matter if it doesn't happen again and to be fair it probably will happen again if you are remaining close friends as there must be something that made you and her want to kiss, I don't go round kissing my friends like that, I hug them of course and occasionally a peck on the cheek. Your husband wouldn't be a "jealous caveman type" to be really pissed off about it either, most level headed people would be annoyed. I think out of respect to your partner it would be best to tell him so he can decide wether he wants to remain in the relationship.

He would care if I kissed someone else yes

You’ve cheated on your husband and he wouldn’t be a ‘jealous cave man’ to be annoyed or upset about that. It’s not blameless just because you kissed a woman. I don’t know if you should tell him or not but I also don’t think you should be making excuses for it

I'm not convinced you're being honest OP, with yourself. Kissing someone who is a good friend of the same sex doesn't just happen out of nowhere.

'It didn't mean anything' wouldn't be an accurate justification either to yourself or your OP. You cheated and there's nothing in what you've said to suggest it wouldn't happen again.

If your husband kissed someone else how would you feel?!

That is exactly my point which I made badly in my last post.

I am straight and it wouldn't even occur to me to kiss one of my female friends. I just don't see women as "kissable" or "fuckable" in any way whatsoever. It would be like kissing a family member.

You are in denial. I think you need to acknowledge that people don’t just ‘kiss’ for no reason, and it would be helpful for you to accept there are feelings there that cross a friendship boundary.

My best friend and I are extremely close and have been since being 11. Our children are the same age and we spent a great deal of time together when our children were younger due to our husbands jobs. Never did we kiss, it was never considered.

I think as level headed as your husband is, he would be hurt and would see this as cheating… because it is?

Yuck.