Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

Sexuality isn't determined on the basis of one kiss. It's far more complex than that. Obviously. Kissing someone of the same sex one single time due to a mistake, a lapse in judgement or whatever does not shape, change or describe a person's inherent attraction to one sex or another in any way.

It's irrelevant to this discussion anyway - the issue being OP has become emotionally dependent on another person outside of her marriage to the point it's becoming romantic.

I don't think the OP's talking about a friendly kiss on the cheek to say hello/goodbye. She's talking about a snog. Think tongues.

If it went further than a quick mistaken kiss, then I think honesty is important. Forgive yourselves and move on. Don't cause hurt just to clear your conscience, it was a mistake and it didn't go further than that. Don't repeat it with anyone ever again

Your marriage is over, and neither of you are straight. Fully expecting you to come back in a few years having left your husbands & be together.

I kiss, and hug, my friends (male and female) all the time and have never considered it cheating on my DH and, more importantly, neither does he!

Ooft. My partner would consider that cheating. As would I if it was the other way round. Doesn’t matter what sex they were either. It would signal to me an issue within the marriage for sure, one I would look to explore through counselling I think. I wouldn’t tell him what happened if I wanted to stay married.

You kissed somebody else, their sex is not the issue the fact that you kissed somebody other than your husband is. Shoe on the other foot would you be happy to “….just laugh it off”

I presume that the use of lesbian in the title was just for clicks/attention or are you actually a lesbian because if so that is a larger issue within a marriage to a man.

She isn't straight.

If one kiss with a woman makes her gay, does one kiss with her husband make her straight again?

Straight women don't find themselves kissing each other. It's not something we ever remotely think about doing.

I wouldn't live a lie.

I think my DH would care less that he would have 30 years ago, and that it doesn't matter whether it was male or female, he's become very relaxed about such things.

You’re likely gay

Just because you kissed a woman doesn't make it any different than if you kissed a man. Cheating is cheating regardless of what sex they are.

Yeah I’ve never ever wanted to snog one of my mates. You’re trying to minimise this but clearly there are more feelings involved than you’re admitting.

A lot of people seem to excuse 'just a kiss'. Presumably, they would be less understanding if their partners kissed friends because they felt bored.

He should be told. He can then decide if he wants to stay with OP.

This!

The OP says she wasn't drunk. She 'instantly clicked' with someone, spent all her spare time with them for a year in a way she has already said was co-dependent, and then they kissed. It's very obviously total bollocks to say she's not attracted to her friend. They have a very intense friendship and have snogged each other. That's not a drunken mistake, that's an affair.

The sex of the friend is irrelevant. It's not somehow more acceptable to cheat when it's a woman.

All the judgy people on this thread who have obviously never done anything wrong should take a look at themselves! Little Mr and Mrs perfects everywhere!!

I'm far from perfect and I've done many, many things wrong in my life. I have not, however, cheated on my partner in any way, ever.

This is what I think, too, I’m afraid. I have some very close female friends and I’ve never had any urge to kiss/snog any of them. You hug female friends, you don’t kiss them like you would a partner.

You’ve become more than friends, it’s turned into an emotional affair as has been said.

Respectfully, you are in denial.

Kissing someone else is cheating no matter if it's male or female

Genuinely, non-drunken kisses between people of the same gender/sex do not occur if both are “straight”. You might be bi, you might be gay, but no one kisses their same-sex friend because they’re bored/lonely/unfulfilled in their marriage.

Before deciding whether or not to tell your husband about this, if I were you I would take some time to really think back on your past friendships with women, and your innermost sexual desires. Have you had very intense female friendships? Do you think about women when you masturbate? There is nothing wrong with either of those things, and if you want to stay in your marriage then you can, but you need to understand yourself better and be able to be honest with your husband as opposed to “it just happened”. These things do not “just happen”.

You need to think about why this happened. If it really is that your DH isn’t giving you enough time and you’d like more time, communicate with him.

If you tell him it’ll either be him being angry over it, not caring or wanting to explore it with you…..which could be dangerous territory. He and this woman could end up together and you all alone.

Personally I wouldn’t tell him. It was a kiss.

Kissing someone else without it being agreed upon in advance would be cheating for us.

I say that in theory there could be an agreement, but I don’t see us being likely to make one.

You are cheater trying to rationalise your disgraceful and dishonest wrongdoing.
So you open a thread in AIBU, hoping that we will laugh it off and provide you moral ground for your acts. Fuck that.

Would you not be upset by his betrayal?