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Original poster

Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

190 replies

Loralo · 13/11/2025 10:07

Relatively new fried of year that you’ve instantly clicked with. Both felt a bit lonely being SAHM and married to men who work incredibly unsocial hours. Neither consider themselves lesbians. No feelings involved. Very strange and unexpected.

Ive contemplated telling dh as he may well just laugh it off (he’s very level headed and not a jealous cave man type man) but I don’t see what is to be gained by doing so. It won’t happen again.

Tbh we probably leaned on each other too much and became a tad codependent. Friend and I probably spent far too much time together.

OP posts:
GooseyGandalf · 13/11/2025 22:42

Your version of what happened doesn’t ring true for me at all and I think you might be in denial, gaslighted or you’re trying to rewrite what happened to alleviate guilt.

What actually happened? Who kissed who first? Where and how did it happen? What was the reaction? etc.

brunettemic · 13/11/2025 22:30

Why would it be any different to if you’d kissed another man?

Cosyblankets · 13/11/2025 22:26

Mikki77 · 13/11/2025 21:46

It's just a kiss. Happened to me too.
We were drunk, moaning about husbands, saying how great eachother was and kissed. Talked about it when sober. Embarrassed but laughed it off. Say nothing. Ignore the judgementals.

If it's OK why say nothing?

Mikki77 · 13/11/2025 21:46

It's just a kiss. Happened to me too.
We were drunk, moaning about husbands, saying how great eachother was and kissed. Talked about it when sober. Embarrassed but laughed it off. Say nothing. Ignore the judgementals.

Cosyblankets · 13/11/2025 21:06

It's not OK to kiss someone else if you're married.
Not sure which bit you find confusing

weirdthread · 13/11/2025 21:02

Yes, my DH would have a problem with this. It's cheating.

I'd distance myself from that friend and probably not see them again, the same way it should be if it were a man I'd kissed.

Draytoncb · 13/11/2025 20:34

JayJayEl · 13/11/2025 19:48

Would you say the same if it was the exact same scenario, but with a man?? Genuinely curious!

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Probably not. Have you ever wondered why at a gathering it is not seen as outrageous if two women exchange kisses on the cheek, but if men do it is a little odd. This of course doesn't apply with my Italian male friends.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 13/11/2025 20:30

Yes because it's cheating....

Tigger1895 · 13/11/2025 20:00

Are you thinking of telling him to ease your guilt? If so, don’t do it, it’s possible you will cause more harm than good.

TheCurious0range · 13/11/2025 19:55

Halloweeeeeeeeen · 13/11/2025 11:29

I have kissed women for fun on drunken nights out when younger, DH was present and is not bothered in the slightest. The situation you have described is different though, it’s an emotional connection and there is some form of relationship there not just a silly meaningless kiss.

This

JayJayEl · 13/11/2025 19:48

Draytoncb · 13/11/2025 19:42

Sounds like a big fuss about nothing much.

Would you say the same if it was the exact same scenario, but with a man?? Genuinely curious!

JayJayEl · 13/11/2025 19:47

Loralo · 13/11/2025 13:49

It was not induced by alcohol. Which does make it seem worse in my head. Maybe boredom?

How did it even come about? Obviously you can spare us the gory details but you're quite insistent you're straight, so I don't understand how there was even an opportunity to kiss, despite how close you are as friends.

Draytoncb · 13/11/2025 19:42

Sounds like a big fuss about nothing much.

smithsinarazz · 13/11/2025 19:42

Pollqueen · 13/11/2025 10:43

I'd keep this to myself to be honest, but would ensure it never happened again

I agree with this. It sounds like a mistake which is best kept in the past. I don't think it makes any difference whether it's a woman or a man you're snogging, really. But you're only human.

PollyBell · 13/11/2025 19:36

Why is labelling it 'lesbian' not cheating?

BountifulPantry · 13/11/2025 19:25

Time to take a massive step back from her and focus on your relationship.

MoFadaCromulent · 13/11/2025 19:18

Would I care if my wife cheated on me?

Yes.

QuiltPlantCandle · 13/11/2025 19:17

TheSwarm · 13/11/2025 19:06

Up to you hen.

But you don't turn gay because of one kiss.

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But surely you wouldn't want to kiss someone of the same sex unless you were queer?

TheSwarm · 13/11/2025 19:06

MangaKanga · 13/11/2025 18:14

Meh. If my husband kissed another man, I would not be buying that load of bafflegab there.

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Up to you hen.

But you don't turn gay because of one kiss.

QuiltPlantCandle · 13/11/2025 18:49

You claim not to be a lesbian, yet you call this a lesbian kiss. How does that make sense?

Regardless, presumably you are bisexual, but maybe you've not realized before. I am a straight woman. I have some very close friends, who I admire greatly and whose company I very much enjoy. I have never once wanted to kiss any of them, and to be honest, the idea repulses me. (Not that there's anything wrong with same sex kisses, it's just not for me thanks.)

I agree with most posters that this does count as cheating and the fact that it's with a woman doesn't make it any better. I think you need to give some real hard thought into where you want to go from here.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 13/11/2025 18:42

If the excuse is because you were ‘lonely’ I suggest not being lonely around any stray men otherwise you risk similar happening. Personally I believe a kiss is cheating and extremely intimate, no matter what sex they are.

MangaKanga · 13/11/2025 18:14

TheSwarm · 13/11/2025 16:45

Sexuality isn't determined on the basis of one kiss. It's far more complex than that. Obviously. Kissing someone of the same sex one single time due to a mistake, a lapse in judgement or whatever does not shape, change or describe a person's inherent attraction to one sex or another in any way.

It's irrelevant to this discussion anyway - the issue being OP has become emotionally dependent on another person outside of her marriage to the point it's becoming romantic.

Edited
Show quote history

Meh. If my husband kissed another man, I would not be buying that load of bafflegab there.

ohyesido · 13/11/2025 18:12

How would you feel if your DH casually kissed a man?

Lollipop81 · 13/11/2025 18:08

As a straight woman I’ve never found myself getting lost in the moment and kissing a lnother woman, I’m guessing someone is denying their sexuality here.
if it was a one off and you regret it I wouldn’t tell your husband, there is nothing to be gained by doing that.

LiveToTell · 13/11/2025 17:54

Andromed1 · 13/11/2025 13:20

Am I missing something? You say this woman is just a friend you spend a lot of time with and got close to. Most people don't snog their friends, even very close ones, unless perhaps they are blind drunk. Something is going on!

Exactly. You can’t be straight OP to have had the urge to do this. That’s fine, sometimes people realise later in life that their preferences aren’t what they thought they were. I have NEVER wanted to kiss a woman even when I’ve had a drink or two. Not even slightly tempted.

I doubt my DH would be impressed. Interestingly, if HE kissed another man I would leave him in a heartbeat. If he kissed another woman it would depend on the circumstances. I guess my thinking may be of the view that if it’s another woman, there’s a chance for us, but if he’s discovered he’s gay, well there’s no hope is there?