Am I a complete weirdo for contemplating moving to America?

You’re asking in the wrong place. Mumsnet on the whole is vehemently anti-US. But each state is like a different country in terms of its politics, women’s rights, tax etc. You need to be selective.

If well off and if you live in a pleasant place / state the US is a great place to live. Women’s rights in this context generally means abortion rights which may not be an issue for you.

You have to weigh it up against what is happening and may happen here in the UK. Although I love the U.K. I’m very worried. It feels to me like we’re in terminal decline and as I’m middle aged I’m genuinely terrified about healthcare and the prospect of getting old here. I suspect that the well off may well depart for abroad and I’d rather the US personally than the Middle East.

You could always come back!

Honestly, I have travelled to USA recently, lots of people so friendly and warm. And parts of the country are so spectacular.

However, despite any other advantages, I would never, never advise someone to go when they have children. If your marriage ended in divorce, you absolutely could end up with him staying, the courts preventing you from taking the kids to UK, but you not allowed to stay in US. There's no way I would take that chance.

Oh and more other thing! Her kids regularly had to do 'active shooter' drills in school (primary school upwards), in the way our kids do fire drills in schools here. And that's in a really well-off area, no where near a major city. I'd hate that for my kids.

Oh, and even though Conneticut isn't a Southern state, my DSis says that loads of her neighbours (and even some friends) are Trump supporters. It's pretty grim

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but look closely at school options and, importantly, property taxes. My DSis lives in NY, just over from the Conneticut border. Her kids went to an absolutely amazing high school, but the property taxes (on their lovely, big house) were insanely high (still cheaper than private school fees over there though). Also, school districts differ hugely in that area - they moved where they moved for the schools, but one district over the schools were no where near as good...

Also, she does live in a bit of a bubble. There's no actual countryside to speak of, in the way we understand it. Whilst her house and the surroundings are very pretty, the local town is still basically strip malls. I find it all a bit soulless and lacking and sense of real identity or community.

I used to live in the States in the early 2000s. There's not a way in hell I'd move back there now. Think carefully - especially if any of your children are girls.

They are (were) eligible to stay on our insurance as long as they were full-time students, meaning all through university. And yes, almost all full-time jobs offer benefits, even retail. You can also purchase private insurance.

Just saw you added after I replied. First, I have never known anyone to be fired without cause or they were let go to do layoffs or company closing, at will is more employees choosing to quit immediately.

I am not going to, nor could I possibly, explain every possible insurance scenario, including COBRA, enrollment dates, coverage terms, etc., as every employer, insured employee and insurer is different. But if I quit my hypothetical job today and broke my arm tomorrow, I would still have insurance coverage until November 30. (But if I waited until Saturday to quit, I would be covered until December 31. Like I said, it’s complicated.)

At 18, just left school snd they are responsible for their own health insurance? Does every job no matter the pay give good health insurance to all their employees?

What happens if they get made redundant or fired on the spot (as can be done in the US at-will I think it’s called) and it takes a while to get another job and they break their arm in between jobs?

We are talking about Connecticut, not a southern state. It's like comparing two completely different countries. As I said, I've lived here over seven years and literally never seen a gated community in the north east

They do what everyone else does - they got jobs. Benefits, including private insurance, being offered by employers is obviously the norm here, and their contributions are low. Our daughter works for a large tech company and pays $85 a month, pre-tax.

I wondered how to explain the straw man argument to someone a few years ago, and your comparison about ectopic pregnancies in Malta = Europe fits perfectly. Thank you.

What happens about health insurance when kids have left education? Who is responsible for it?

I think you have received hysterical responses on this thread.

Personally I would go for it.

It doesn’t have to be a permanent move and you might be able to save up, return to the UK with bolstered savings in the future should you want to.

I don’t really think two Brits that pass as white are going to be on the receiving end of “ICE” in America. Americans love the British and as soon as they hear your accent, you’ll be treated as having privilege.

I am American, my husband is Scottish, he’s says he’d never go back. We live in SoCal, own a large house with a pool, put our children through wonderful public schools, have never seen a gun outside of movies (but have seen tons of movie stars 😂), and after paying bills, including health insurance, we have loads left over every month.

We travelled outside to Europe in May, no issues coming or going,

Local and state politics play a much bigger role in day-to-day life than federal, but we are still counting down the days to when my fellow Americans wise up and vote that prick out of office.

Do you mean a permanent move? I wouldn’t personally because a huge house with a pool wouldn’t motivate me, I mean you can get an even bigger house in Texas. I just wouldn’t want to live in the US (have been several times and enjoyed the holidays). I absolutely would not go with children, I wouldn't like them growing up with the misplaced American values (the free-est, bestest country in the world nonsense) and I definitely wouldn’t want them swearing allegiance every morning at school.

I would absolutely do it. As you spend a fair bit of time in the US anyway, you’ll know that a lot of what you read here is hugely exaggerated. If you go legally and are law abiding, ICE isn’t going to be banging on your door to drag you home.

Treat it like an adventure and maybe just initially commit for a couple of years. With a job like your DH’s, he’s never going to be out of work and you can always come home.

I don't know much about America or Connecticut but I think you should try it and you can always come home, nothing is permanent.

I would absolutely not do that to children, as an adult yes perhaps. But absolutely not a chance in hell for kids. Guns and politics aside their education system is absolutely shite.

If it's at the right time of your life in terms of people dependent on you, your health is good and no other ties then it'd be something I'd consider for a few years. I'd set myself a cap, perhaps 3 years or something, and save money hard whilst there. It'd be a secondment + life experience in my perspective and I'd come back with a healthier bank balance.

Live there do you? Or consume a lot of SM?

Work protection rights vary hugely by state, if you lose your job on a working visa as here you have a time period to find another job and brutally there is more demand for good pilots in North America. As for t&c - try having a look at some of the low cost European airline t&c for their staff, many of whom find themselves on contracts based in the low pay end of Europe even if they live in high cost European countries.

As I said upthread - if you judged European womens reproductive rights by Malta you would be telling women never to come by Europe.

I would go. It’s an adventure. The kids are the right ages for you to give it a try for 3 years.

Your DH sounds eminently employable anywhere so has future options. Never turn down valuable experience I say.

Your kids will recount their childhood and not feel constrained by demographics in their future lives.
Reach for the stars. You make of life what you will.

I wouldn't. SIL lives in the states, and she's increasingly anxious about her immigration status and wishes she had not bought a home there.
Emigrating and finding you don't like it, is a very expensive and stressful mistake to make.
If you current house is worth the same as that $1,100,000 house, then you're obviously doing alright here and I'm not sure the extra money would be worth it alone.

I personally couldn't live by choice in a country whose ruling party is becoming ever more repressive. And I wouldn't contemplate for even a second sending my children to a school where shooter drills are routine. No amount of money would make that worthwhile.
And living a comfortable life potentially in a gated community... Sounds like a gilded cage.
How about NZ?

Even leaving aside that they're turning to fascism and that as foreigners you'll all be at risk: you have to pay for your own health insurance (which is expensive), education is extortionate (and unlike the uk student loans, these are private loans in the 6 figures) and that;'s a lot of house to clean. Oh and you have no work protection rights. At all. Your husband could lose his job and you're all getting kicked out again. what then?

'for people who work' - and are well paid! And that % is shrinking, which is really the key issue here. I have been a very regular visitor for decades. Many of my oldest friends are Americans who live across various states and I think their quality of life is declining.

Yes I agree. If you are so fearful of life you won’t even try something else what is the point?

But its a good illustration of how 24*7 scare stories work. I’ve had colleagues ask me more than once if London is “safe” as they have seen endless stories suggesting Londoners cannot leave their front doors for fear of being knifed. I would take my advice from those who actually live there rather than people whose experience is via SM and the odd trip to Florida.

Plus at ages 4, 6 and 9 you are well placed to make it a 2-4 year “tryout”.