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Original poster

Struggling with DP when we have no plans

36 replies

Rachel899 · 12/11/2025 20:15

DP is always a bit down if we have more than a day without anything planned. This week for example, we’ve got a week off work and have cancelled plans to have a few nights away as DC has been ill (nothing serious, we just thought it better not to have nights away from home). We’ve done a few things already but nothing lined up for tomorrow yet.

He openly says he struggles to have empty days and likes having things to look forward to. I on the other hand would gladly have a day pottering around etc.

He has always been like this, can be tetchy led in bed on a Saturday morning if we’ve got nothing on.

Do you think this is normal? Does anyone else get a similar feeling.

I’m sure he’s secretly looking forward to returning to work on Monday lol.

OP posts:
ThatChristmasMug · 12/11/2025 20:31

Rachel899 · 12/11/2025 20:26

Yea, I think so. He does go to the gym but tomorrow is a rest day for him. He can get annoyed if I take a while to get ready (would still be out the house by 11/11.30) - he’d rather be up early and get out to do something with the day in his words.

Show quote history

you just need to agree on the time you are leaving?

Then he can choose to do something else first, or not.

Zempy · 12/11/2025 20:30

I’m like you OP but surely he is capable of doing stuff without you?

gamerchick · 12/11/2025 20:27

So why can't he?

Tell him you're stopping in tomorrow and he can get himself out if he wants.

Original poster
Rachel899 · 12/11/2025 20:26

Mandylovescandy · 12/11/2025 20:22

Is it that you have an expectation that you will spend the day together but no actual plan? I find this stressful with DP because I think we have agreed we are having the day together but he will happily potter and spend forever getting ready before making a plan and I don't know if I can fit example go off to the gym or start a longer job so it feels like I am just waiting about for him

Yea, I think so. He does go to the gym but tomorrow is a rest day for him. He can get annoyed if I take a while to get ready (would still be out the house by 11/11.30) - he’d rather be up early and get out to do something with the day in his words.

OP posts:
KatyaKat · 12/11/2025 20:25

Mandylovescandy · 12/11/2025 20:22

Is it that you have an expectation that you will spend the day together but no actual plan? I find this stressful with DP because I think we have agreed we are having the day together but he will happily potter and spend forever getting ready before making a plan and I don't know if I can fit example go off to the gym or start a longer job so it feels like I am just waiting about for him

Why can't you just say "I'm off to the gym for an hour whilst you get ready", or "I'm just going to clean the oven while you decide what you want to do/get ready", why do you have to be passive, or not communicate?

Mandylovescandy · 12/11/2025 20:22

Is it that you have an expectation that you will spend the day together but no actual plan? I find this stressful with DP because I think we have agreed we are having the day together but he will happily potter and spend forever getting ready before making a plan and I don't know if I can fit example go off to the gym or start a longer job so it feels like I am just waiting about for him

ThatChristmasMug · 12/11/2025 20:22

I can't think of anything worst than pottering around, but surely an adult can sort themselves out, and.. make plans?

He openly says he struggles to have empty days and likes having things to look forward to. fair enough, but who's stopping him?

Why can he go out to do things, even just half a day, when you stay home doing nothing? Why does he even need to include you?

AhBiscuits · 12/11/2025 20:22

My DH is like this and is constantly trying to schedule stuff for all free time. I love having nothing in particular to do. Luckily I have a day off without him for pottering.

TheTwitcher11 · 12/11/2025 20:18

Rachel899 · 12/11/2025 20:15

DP is always a bit down if we have more than a day without anything planned. This week for example, we’ve got a week off work and have cancelled plans to have a few nights away as DC has been ill (nothing serious, we just thought it better not to have nights away from home). We’ve done a few things already but nothing lined up for tomorrow yet.

He openly says he struggles to have empty days and likes having things to look forward to. I on the other hand would gladly have a day pottering around etc.

He has always been like this, can be tetchy led in bed on a Saturday morning if we’ve got nothing on.

Do you think this is normal? Does anyone else get a similar feeling.

I’m sure he’s secretly looking forward to returning to work on Monday lol.

I always think ‘ADHD’ (i’m the same btw lol)

Fidgety31 · 12/11/2025 20:17

He sounds like he gets bored easily .. but that’s not your problem to fix . Let him sort his own activities out . Don’t become his mum and do it all for him !

happystar123 · 12/11/2025 20:16

I am exactly the same, I have massive FOMO!