Struggling with DP when we have no plans

I sort of hav esympathy if he wants to get going and you're faffing around side eyes DH but I also think it's perfectly okay for you NOT to have specific plans and want to enjoy a day pottering at home. If that's not his thing, fine, but then he must make his own plan and get on with it.

I'm like you. I like to faff and potter and watch TV in the evening, I leave about 11 to go anywhere aswell. Ex DP was like yours.. partly why he's an ex. Too much for me. I could never ever lie in or have a lazy day with him bouncing around like Tigger from morning until night.

agreed. 11:30 would stress me out too.

True. But it depends on where you are going. No poi t getting somewhere and not having time to see it properly or do stuff because someone can't get their arse into gear to leave the house before 11 30. And it doesn't seem as though the DH agrees to leaving that that else he wouldn't be antsy about it

My husband is like you, I find it so frustrating. A day spent lazing about feels like a day wasted. Even waiting about for him to get out of bed makes me twitchy after a while.

but is it really fair to want someone there but do nothing? Spend time together, but doing .. what?

Some people take it too far

One poster was also complaining that her husband wasn't engaged enough when watching a movie, but was on his phone at the same time. The poor guy was staying there, sat on the sofa as requested, not interrupting but still in trouble because he wasn't fixated on the screen 😂

but surely it depends?

If you agree that you leave at 11:30, you leave at 11:30.
You can go to the gym first, have a shower, get stuff done. In itself, 11:30 is fine.

If you agree to leave at 9, I would have strangled you long before 11:30 if we hadn't left by 09:05 😂

Can he not go and do something by himself whilst you potter? Is he completely reliant on you for company? Can he go for a swim, take a newspaper to a coffee shop, get an early start on his Christmas shopping?

These husbands need pairing up with the wives who wish they had more proactive men 😆

Is he also someone who struggles to be alone? Even though your DH would drive me bonkers, it takes all types and its great we're all different, some people just love being all GO and actually seem to get energy from it, but if it stems from fear of being alone/missing out socially i dont think its healthy...

This is me! I don’t think it’s ADHD. I think it’s ensuring you make the most of your weekend. Seizing the day 😊

I agree with him. And I’m getting ‘worse’. To the point that I’m almost sighing with relief when I get back from a holiday that I can cross it off my to do list.

It’s interesting how different everyone is. And, I would have thought, how important it thus must be to compatible if you’re a couple, especially if you’re joined at the hip.
neither is right nor wrong, just different.
i’m a potterer, my absolute heaven is pottering around in my own company. I’ll probs do something eventually. Or maybe not. I would not be able to stand living with a doer, and thus, don’t.

I’m like this and ADHD

My DH is the exact opposite - he gets very stressed if we have “too many” plans and begs me for a weekend with nothing on

I’m the same as your DH , I want to know on a Friday night what we are doing for the weekend . Even if I’m knackered and feel like I need some chill time at the weekend I soon get bored of that and want to go out .pottering about invariably turns out to mean doing jobs which is not how I want to spend my weekends.

It's absolutely fine that he struggles staying home with nothing to do but he doesn't need to make that everyone else's problem. I'm exactly the same, a day at home pottering about with the kids is my own personal hell. However I get that everyone else needs some downtime so I generally get myself out for an hour or so (Saturday mornings I ride my bike to the bakery to get pastries, kids are welcome to join if they like) or suggest we all go for a walk in the afternoon.

I've read OPs posts with a shudder.

You leave the house at 11/11:30?? No wonder he's antsy, why does it take so long to get out? All the good car parking spots are long gone by then!

We regularly leave the house at 8:30 on a weekend and go walking in the peaks and that's with a 3 year old. Pre children we'd be up a mountain at 7:30

Pottering round the house sounds dull? What does that even mean? Batch cooking and cleaning and sorting/DIY? That's our rainy day activity and i don't consider it pleasure.

My DH is like that, and he's a morning person. I'm introverted with a job and busy family that leaves me craving calm time at home and loathe mornings. We solve it by him scheduling activities for himself and any of the DC who want to join in the mornings while I plan a lazy morning for myself and the DC who are in the mood for that.

So like other posters I'm wondering what the barrier is to him just going and doing something in the morning without you is.

Maybe the Op wantshim to spend the time with her. However if it's just to doss about then it's better he's able to do things he chooses instead

He needs a hobby he can pick up. My Duracell bunny husband has fishing, shooting, cycling. That keeps him out of mischief. Yesterday he had to take me to the hospital in the afternoon so went out in the morning. This morning I had physio. He's driving me around post surgery. So this afternoon he went fishing.

If he gets antsy I tell him to hop on his bike.

He never stops at 74. But I'm well used to it.

He's a high energy, low boredom tolerance type who needs lots of stimulation and novelty and you're not.

You're not joined at the hip. He's going to have to get his dopamine hits without you sometimes. He can plan activities to do for himself on days you're not feeling like going out.

11.30? Half the day gone!!

It would drive me insane having to hang around all day doing nothing. I couldn't live with someone who does faffing, pottering or spends all evening watching tv

he’d rather be up early and get out to do something with the day

well yes, unless we had planned to have a lazy day that would frustrate me too. I’d be frustrated if my husband took hours to get ready - for what exactly……. Why does it take so long?

However, it isn’t clear to what extent HE is planning things. Or does he mostly rely on you to come up with ideas, book stuff, etc.

A whole day pottering at home with a kid just turns into choresville. I was very much like him when my children were little too - up and out! Then back mid-afternoon and stick a movie on while I had a glass of wine.