I feel trapped by agreeing to look after my grandchildren

Your daughters are blackmailing you . Do full time care or we’ll sever contact and ask dads wife ?? Appalling behaviour . Personally I’d tell the straight , you are retired , you want time to do the things you want and you’re not able to do so much care . 6 weeks notice or whatever for them to make alternative arrangements and that’s it .

They certainly won’t cut you out of the children’s lives, OP, even if you do cut it down to 3 days a week which, by the way is still more than anyone should expect from their parent. Not when you are paying a quarter of their school fees.

These are your good years. Maybe you want to meet someone or at least have the option/opportunity to do so. Or spend time pursuing your own interests. Which you can’t do if you’re constantly looking after the children - or being too tired as a result - to want to go out.

I would tell them, these are the days you can do…you do not need to give a reason, and let them sort out the rest. I’m sure the new wife can’t wait to commit to regular childcare of five kids under seven to whom she has no biological relation. Especially since their mother’s are so grateful and accommodating. Good bloody luck to them.

They take you for granted and they are manipulative.

They are blackmailing you. Your son is clearly a better person as he isn’t. I’m sorry your daughters sound awful people and you sound lovely - they are taking advantage of the fact you are so giving to them.

This is really making me laugh! I am so squarely in the healthy food and no swearing camp (often ignored!), that this just really tickled me.

It would be an awfully naughty thing to do, but might give nasty daughters pause. I'd probably be too soft to teach them to swear, but I might invest in a slushie machine and send all the little darlings home sugared up and high on colourings for a couple of weeks (until machine 'breaks down'). Just until DDs get the message.

Also, cbeebies is far too educational. Baby Shark etc videos on repeat should do it! I can hardly believe I'm even suggesting something so guaranteed to send DDs nuts. 😂

I am another one who says to call your daughters bluff. Maybe you could suggest that you share the care with your ex husband and his wife. Believe me they will not want to do even a quarter of what you do.
We have been looking after our grandchildren, from two children, for many years. We only look after 2 at a time and only 1 day a week for each child. These days it is usually after school and holidays/sickness. Even this is quite a commitment but we do enjoy it. Our children also use holiday clubs and after school clubs. They would not expect us to do any more. We have quite a few holidays a year and they manage without us then. You need to be firmer. You are being bullied by your own children.

OP they're bullying you and if you allow it then they keep doing it.

They're not going to cut you off, they might do the big bluster for a few weeks but that's it. Once they realise new wife won't be stepping up as much as you do.

Wave them off cheerily, tell them your door is always open but "this" is what you're offering and if it's no good then it's unfortunate.

They're not really in a position to dig in if you're coughing up coin anyway.

Book some time to go spend with your son. Let them whinge about it all they want. You won't be there to listen to it

My mum lives round the corner and so does my sister. 5 grandkids in total for mum in close proximity. Mum catagorically told us there would be no regular childcare. To be honest the emergency and odd nights that she does end up doing is quite alot spread over two sets of kids. Of course the kids arent as close to her as it would be if they were there every day like she was a second parent. But she would also be completely worn out and have no life. Which I don't think is fair either.

I'd agree with this...

It's emotional blackmail to say that their Dads DW wouldn't mind having them, I'd of replied "oh wonderful it'll be lovely for them to spend time with their grandad and 'Mary', I'm sure they'll enjoy it.

If they've actually asked her that is.

Let her look after them Friday/Monday it'll give you a chance for a long weekend break and you may find they start appreciating you a bit more once you show you won't be pushed around.

Don't let your daughters push you around. Don't ask them, tell them you need to cut down to 3 days pw as you are exhausted and also can't manage covering all the holidays. Tell them they can choose which days you drop but you need a Monday or a Friday off to have a three day weekend to rest up, visit friends, and do your hobbies. Your daughters are being disgustingly selfish. Most GPs I know only offer a day a week and their kids are very grateful even for that. You need to be allowed to live your life and see your son's family. If your daughters threaten to cut you off be firm- I really hope you don't do that, the kids and I will be devastated, but it's your choice as their mothers. Which days would you like to drop? Call their bluff - highly unlikely dad's wife would want them 5 days a week and on holidays. Even if they are annoyed with you and decide they would like to cut you off convenience will almost certainly mean they won't.

I would give them notice that after Christmas you will be unable to give them the childcare they currently get from you. Decide how much time you feel comfortable spending looking after your GC, and tell them. Then use your free time to have a life, meet friends for lunch, visit your son and other places. I am sure their step mother will not want to have them full time either.

In the nicest possible way, OP, you are allowing yourself to be treated like a complete mug. Stop it now. Let them issue whatever threats the like, they won't bite the hand that they are freeloading from..

This ^

Also have to say, their full confidence in "dad's new wife" wanting to look after FIVE rowdy little kids who arent even related to her, made me laugh 😀
Bet they are just assuming they can bully her into it too - or their dad to agree on her behalf !!!

As PPs said, entitled and nasty.

Yes the daughters have more than one child and I’m sure they can’t imagine shunning one of them to favourite the other… if they really push it about your son, ask them what if two of your kids didn’t want you to visit the other? They wouldn’t tolerate it I’m sure… but stick to the BP / tired angle to avoid drama

There's an easy way out of it. Feed the dc upf at all times and put cbeebies on permanently. Perhaps teach a few swear words? There's nothing funnier than a 2 year old shouting "oh bugger it!"

You need to just say No, no explanation needed!
They're absolutely taking advantage and know it. When we had our daughter we consciously chose NOT to use grandparents as childcare. We covered as much as possible between us with reduced hours and paid a nursery for the rest. We wanted our daughter to grow up seeing grandparents as exactly that and not as an alternative parent or carer and we saw how much our parents silently struggled looking after their other grandchildren. It was never just for work either, always the odd extra hour or 2 here and there so parents could shop/go out/attend appointments/nights away. Its taking the P.
You also need to stop paying.
Without wanting to be harsh its our job as parents to raise capable independent adults and lead by example.
Your son seems to be managing but your daughters clearly aren't any of these things if they rely on you so heavily its also a terrible example to set for your grandchildren. Kids learn more from our actions than words.

Awful op. Stand up to these divas! You set the terms. Childminding is tiring too. My friend minds her grand daughter but says its quite tiring

They sound really selfish. You need to put your foot down. You never agreed to 5 days. Your still helping them with cost but I’d suggest maybe 3 days and if their dads wife can do the other 2 by all means crack on let them. You’re not showing favouritism at all. You have 7 grandkids and want to spend equal time with them xx

Nobody would do that amount of free childcare voluntarily! I'm sure their dad's new wife would be absolutely horrified at the very suggestion. Why her anyway? Why not their dad? The expectation that retired women will have to take on caring duties for grandchildren and frail parents while men get to play golf and chill in their armchairs pisses me right off.

You are being massively taken advantage of. Tell your daughters exactly what childcare you are willing to provide and don’t let them bully you into more. To put it bluntly, they are absolutely horrible people for blackmailing you with the threat of stopping you seeing your grandchildren if you don’t do exactly as they tell you. They are genuinely horrible people. I’m sorry.

OP, have you noticed that we are all standing beside you in solidarity ?
Beside, behind, in front of...you are surrounded by support x

This.

I am sorry your daughters are taking advantage of your good nature. They are both sound terribly entitled and selfish.

I would be very suprised if Ex and new wife want to take care of five young children every day wrap around and during holidays - they don't seem to be doing any heavy lifting at all on the childcare front at the moment. What do you think?

this
your daughters are horrible and selfish. I never ask my parents to have my kids - even holidays etc are in holiday clubs. Yes it costs, but teaches them independence, they make friends and reduces resentment among family - like this!

you need to stop doing this immediately and say you will do 2 days a week (in total!). If they do not like it - ask dads wife!

I am a nana to 4 . I look after the youngest one day a week and my son and Dil are very grateful for this . I think your daughters are so selfish and are using you . Threatening that your X will look after the kids is just so nasty , I'd love you to say OK go ahead because the X is unlikely to want his life taken over with childcare . Please don't be bullied and stand up for yourself , you deserve a balanced life to see friends and do some of your own thing . If you can't say it directly then put it in a text ! Good luck..

I think your daughters are extremely lucky to have you offering so much help, both childcare and financial. I think they are both taking advantage of you, even if they didn’t intend to.

You’ve mentioned it and the link to seeing your son. I would leave things for a while if you can and then reframe the need to reduce your days helping them out. By then they will have heard it before, it won’t be such a shock and if they say their stepmother will do the extra days respond with, “That will be so lovely for the GC to build a relationship with her as well.”