To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

She's not shy when it comes to asking someone to be her work chauffeur.

This. ^ The tedious #BeKind mantra is not very far away when it comes to trying to emotionally blackmail women into falling into line is it?!

If you don't - you're a cow, you're selfish, you're 'letting people down.' Women have always been made to feel that they should go that extra mile for everyone, and God forbid she says no,. Even if the person asking for something/wanting something, has never done a single thing for her, and has barely even spoken to her before!

Women are almost always expected to pick up most of the grunt work, and housework, and domestic chores and admin and childcare, and care of the elderly or infirm.. A man will never do domestic chores, or any kind of housework, or care, if there's a woman available to do it. And he will NOT feel bad about, or be berated for it.

It doesn't help that many women, (when they were girls,) were made to feel like this by their parents (mother mostly!) that they should #BeKind, and help people... I have a brother, a few years younger than me, and my mum never asked him, or expected him to do anything - EVER. And he never did!

I was given household chores to do, and sent out to buy her some new tights, or some bread, or a pack of 20 Embassy No 1, or whatever she had forgotten in the weekly shop! I was also expected to wash up the dishes, and run the hoover around, and clean the windows, and tidy up after dinner etc...

Not my brother though. The sun shone out of my brother's arse, and he couldn't do a thing wrong, and he never lifted a finger to help mum and dad. Now he's married with (almost grown) 2 boys, he is still the same with his wife. And his 2 boys are the same. Bone idle. Boys/men get away with anything (pretty much) and are never berated and derided for saying no.

But if you're a woman, you must #BEKIND

And please don't anyone waste your time telling me about how ALL the men in YOUR life do as much - if not more than you, and give lifts to everyone, even if they don't ask for one! Because in most cases, this does not happen!

@HelplessSoul You sound nice.

Not telling someone to fuck off, entirely unnecessarily and unprovoked is “woke” now? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m assuming a) you don’t know what woke is and b) you must encounter a lot of “woke” people.

I think it’s incredibly important people know the reaction to their potential name choice.

If someone is going to go ahead and saddle their kid with a name despite being aware of the negativity and that their kid is going to have to deal with that for their entire life because I don’t care I think it’s cute! Or because it’s just so unique! then they are going to make a very selfish parent who doesn’t put their kid first.

Nothing is stopping "shy, meek, quiet" Kate from gradually opening up and developing a friendship, or making social overtures towards the OP if a friendship is what she is seeking. Over time, it might then become appropriate to ask for the occasional lift.

As it is, she had been rude, has ignored the OP when on work training together, and only suddenly discovered her ability to smile when she realised she could try and cadge a regular lift to and from work from the OP.

I feel for the other poor sap driving her both ways four days a week.

Say no. Why should you accommodate someone who isn’t nice to you? I’d love you to say “no because I find you unfriendly “ it would be good for her

Perhaps you missed the part where the OP is not responsible for "Kate" getting to/from work?

Of course if you are that bothered by the environment BS and Kate's social ditherings, why dont YOU step in and do the lifts since you care so much?

Good for the environment my backside - between that and the other post upthread claiming the age old chestnut of autism, no one would do this for free for someone who is that fucking rude to the OP.

🙄🤦‍♂️

And yet she wants to travel with someone in a car.

Maybe a new friend, who might be a bit shy but comes out of her shell a bit?

Most people here are responding in the assumption that this is about a freeloading situation but that’s not how I read the OP.
The comments here make me quite sad, there’s no empathy for Kate who I understand is a younger newer entry to the workplace. Shunning her because she’s quiet and shy is proper “mean girl “ behaviour. It’s a car share, good for the environment at the very least. Absolutely say you have a policy of sharing costs for work lifts. But her social awkwardness is perhaps something you can treat with kindness and empathy for a car ride?

Yep rude of her to ask. It would have become an annoyance to you.

Why does the op nesd a reason to say no? Why does the person expect regular lifts, why is the op at fault?

All the people saying she is rude clearly have never known or spent time with autistic people...you have no idea why she isn't chatty there's a million reasons why, not just simply assuming she is rude. Not sure why you feel the need to chat so much anyhow or do you have convos with yourself when you drive alone to work. Personally it wouldn't bother me, it's not out of my way and quite frankly I have more important things to worry about than why doesn't someone chat and acknowledge me when she's at work your all there to work not be best buddies anyhow

Giving regular lifts will become a pita, no matter who it is. Just say it’s not convenient and leave it at that op.

Just thought if male she might have felt awkward?

Sounds shy?

Sounds like a user more than anything.

Yikes! What happened until you started your new job? I hope you didn't pick her up?

Your commute is your responsibility, her commute is her responsibility.
I used to have this problem where I had to drive out of my way to pick up a colleague who lived in the middle of nowhere, after she had specifically said she would get the bus to work during induction. When I refused she got our boss to ring me and insist that I drive her. I changed jobs.

On this basis, every woman ought to be kind and helpful and have sex with every man, regardless of their appeal, age, or general repulsiveness, who asks them out or hopes or expects them to. So what if he's ninety!

OP's time and energy (and car and petrol and other running costs) belong to her and it is ludicrous to suggest she become a do-gooder on wheels for someone who has been ignoring her prior to developing a need for her services.

Your reply was already perfect. Running a car is expensive and you are paying for the convenience. She is not.

As someone who doesn’t drive I’d find pretty much any way to get somewhere before asking someone for a lift, especially regularly. But at least if I was going to ask someone to do me this favour regularly hypothetically speaking, I’d have the decency to be polite to them and I’d offer (insist) on giving them something small in return even if they didn’t want to accept it. I was brought up to not expect anything from people and to not take something for free without giving something as a token gesture if nothing else. You’re not being unreasonable and this person sounds rude.

She sounds very shy rather than unfriendly. I wonder if she had the chance to open up she might become a quite good friend, people like that often do IME.

@NotTonightDeidre I wonder how she is with "Jen"?

Not that it matters of course, one can welcome whoever they like into their car, or not.

Why not be kind and just help her out. You don’t know what she may be going through and she may one day warm up!

This reminds me of thread a year or two ago, where a women was asked by her male colleague for daily
lifts home from work because she drove in his general direction on the way home. Honestly the entitlement of people who, for whatever reason can’t organise themselves or simply don’t want to pay or rely on public transport is astounding. The woman eventually said no to the leech. They quickly go away when you mention the lifts could be reciprocated - no problem Barbara, flying back from Magaluf, landing 7am at Luton, OK to return the favour 👍