Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you class this as flirting? DH with shop assistant

385 replies

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 17:07

DH is adamant I am being OTT and he was just being polite but I disagree. Please help settle this for me.

We were in a shop which sells chocolate and he was at the till with me next to him.

Shop assistant - those (the chocolates DH was buying) are my favourites

DH - I would eat so much chocolate if I worked here

SA - tell me about it, I can’t help myself with the samples

DH - you couldn’t tell by your figure

SA - you are being too kind

DH - seriously, you are in great ‘nick’

SA - laughs

OP posts:
ClarasSisters · 12/11/2025 18:33

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 18:04

He’s from a different era, stuck in his ways sadly no matter how hard I try to educate him.

Show quote history

He's not. He's just a prick. My DH is the same age and knows fine well not to comment on body shape unless invited to, and even then would be in a less lecherous fashion.

Sherzingaaaaa · 12/11/2025 18:31

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 17:19

I put it to DH that she was likely embarrassed to which he said he thinks he made her day!

Show quote history

That’s even more revolting. Seriously. How can you have sex with a man that thinks his sleazy opinion makes a sales assistant’s day. How much must that man think his opinions matter?

MauveExpert · 12/11/2025 18:31

YourLoudRoseEagle · 12/11/2025 17:59

My DH talks to strange women all the time. On the golf course, grocery stores, anywhere he is. Women love him, he is funny, and a smooth talker about anything, he also has the most amazing blue, kind eyes. Am I concerned? Not one iota..married for 60 years, and he has never given me any reason to be jealous…..

Talking is fine, nobody is saying husbands need to go about their day completely mute, glaring at everyone that walks by!

But unsolicited comments to a much younger women who cannot talk back freely isn’t cool.
I used to work in retail in my 20s and it was grim getting comments like this.

PhuckTrump · 12/11/2025 18:31

Flirty? No.

Predatory toward a woman who’s just trying to do her job? Absofuckingloutely.

IdaGlossop · 12/11/2025 18:30

We must stop giving men a free pass by exclusing them on the basis of age. My DH flirting in a shop would irritate me but comments about another woman's body would make me angry on her behalf. It p*sses me off that women have to waste energy dealing with nonsense like this. My DH is quite a bit older than OP's and has never made such a comment , that I know of.

Froun · 12/11/2025 18:30

Omg I could not be married to someone who would say that to a woman let alone a stranger! Horrific

Sherzingaaaaa · 12/11/2025 18:29

What a fucking prick. She was making polite conversation and he decided that meant she’d welcome his thoughts on her body.

Some men are pigs

Its not flirting, it’s misogyny

Evaka · 12/11/2025 18:27

I'd faint with shock if my partner started sleazing embarrassingly on a young woman in front of me.

The I'd come to and dump his ass for being so gross.

bryceQ · 12/11/2025 18:24

Not from her. Yuk from him. Gross.

ahoyshipmate · 12/11/2025 18:24

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 17:19

I put it to DH that she was likely embarrassed to which he said he thinks he made her day!

Show quote history

He probably thinks he did make her day but he really didn’t and we are all cringing on his behalf.

I suspect many men float through life with this attitude and perspective. Sad for you though.

MauveExpert · 12/11/2025 18:23

LilyGeorge · 12/11/2025 17:43

Women do not feel validated by having their bodies being inspected by strange male customers and they don’t feel proud if they happen to meet his approval.

They feel disgusted, disrespected, uncomfortable and potentially frightened.

Your DH’s behaviour was not flattering, humorous or flirty. It was reprehensible.

She thought he was an arsehole.
As soon as he left the shop she’ll have rolled her eyes and told her colleagues how disgusting he was.
As soon as she got home she’ll have told her flatmates/DH/BF/Mum how horrible he was and how dreadful his behaviour was particularly in front of his wife.

He’s not charming. He’s creepy.

Show quote history

Completely agree

TroyTheTough · 12/11/2025 18:23

Disrespectful to you and her, what a sleezebag.

MauveExpert · 12/11/2025 18:22

I wouldn’t like this at all if my husband did this. It’s sleazy and quite disrespectful to you. I’m not excessively jealous but there’s no need for that behaviour.

I also think to not be bothered at all by this behaviour from your partner is a bit strange.

Disturbia81 · 12/11/2025 18:19

Sleazy as hell.. just imagine what he’s saying when you’re not there 🤢

pictoosh · 12/11/2025 18:18

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 17:19

I put it to DH that she was likely embarrassed to which he said he thinks he made her day!

Show quote history

He thinks he made her day.
That's because he believes that commenting positively on a woman's looks or body is the greatest compliment you can bestow on her...what with a woman's purpose being to look ornamental for men.

"Well done for being attractive to me. You're doing a great job."

Not sure he's a flirt so much as a pillock.

Coasted · 12/11/2025 18:16

54 isn't from a different era! He's a sleeze with those comments. I'm assuming he's older than you, guess he has a thing for younger women. Don't accuse him of flirting as that comes across as jealousy, tell him he's a dirty old man.

Catwoman8 · 12/11/2025 18:16

Having worked in retail when I was younger, I used to hate these sort of comments from men, it's just creepy and not appreciated.

RancidRuby · 12/11/2025 18:15

I hope you show him this thread OP. Different era indeed, he sounds like a right twat.

Greyhound98 · 12/11/2025 18:13

I hated when I worked in a supermarket and sleazy men made those kind of remarks and you had to smile politely rather than say what you really thought.
He may have been attempting to flirt (vom) but she was likely just waiting till her shift ended.

Anonanonay · 12/11/2025 18:12

bugalugs45 · 12/11/2025 17:10

Wouldn’t bother me in slightest , he did it in front of you so obviously not trying to hide anything . Huge overreaction on your part

Front runner in the cool wife Olympics!

slowsakura · 12/11/2025 18:10

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 18:04

He’s from a different era, stuck in his ways sadly no matter how hard I try to educate him.

Show quote history

Yuck. I guess he has a hefty bank balance or something and thats why you turn a blind eye to his lack of respect for you or women in general

Rosie8880 · 12/11/2025 18:10

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 17:07

DH is adamant I am being OTT and he was just being polite but I disagree. Please help settle this for me.

We were in a shop which sells chocolate and he was at the till with me next to him.

Shop assistant - those (the chocolates DH was buying) are my favourites

DH - I would eat so much chocolate if I worked here

SA - tell me about it, I can’t help myself with the samples

DH - you couldn’t tell by your figure

SA - you are being too kind

DH - seriously, you are in great ‘nick’

SA - laughs

if I were you I’d be embarrassed and also annoyed. If you are uncomfortable and his actions make you feel so, that needs to be listened to - not dismissed. Don’t know how old you are but this also sounds quite young behaviour.

slowsakura · 12/11/2025 18:09

YourLoudRoseEagle · 12/11/2025 17:59

My DH talks to strange women all the time. On the golf course, grocery stores, anywhere he is. Women love him, he is funny, and a smooth talker about anything, he also has the most amazing blue, kind eyes. Am I concerned? Not one iota..married for 60 years, and he has never given me any reason to be jealous…..

It's fine to chat. I am northern, I love to chat to randoms about all sorts.

It's not ok to comment on people's appearance or figure though. Particularly in a context where there isn't an equal power dynamic (eg employee/customer or junior staff member/boss)

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 12/11/2025 18:09

Bex39 · 12/11/2025 18:04

He’s from a different era, stuck in his ways sadly no matter how hard I try to educate him.

Show quote history

Age is not an excuse to leer at women and make comments about their bodies. The poor woman was just trying to do her job.

MsCactus · 12/11/2025 18:08

youalright · 12/11/2025 18:04

Omg I work in a shop and have since 16 the amount of men usually in their 50s who are creepy to the young girls is gross. Trust me it hasn't made our day where trying not to vomit

Show quote history

Yes, I remember working as a shop assistant age 16 and getting constant comments from old men on my body. I found it pretty bizarre as most of them were older than my (youngish) dad.

I would give an awkward laugh and move away. You can't be rude to them as your working. I highly doubt your DH made her day OP, unless she was a similar age and found him attractive? Either way, he's definitely flirting, and it's ick if there's a big age gap.

Swipe left for the next trending thread