To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

You never know. She might change her mind if you make the same comment enough times!

Sorry, just teasing- I know it must have been a technical glitch!

.yes and selected out of doing homework for the entirety of primary school.
High achiever academically.
my point is you see one bit of information and make an assumption.
just because that platform says a certain number have not completed a task does not mean those parents are not engaged with their child’s learning

There is absolutely no point in this thread. The OP isn’t really interested in learning why their initial, and subsequent, statements are wrong. No one is going to change this mindset.

If you're one of the only parents at your dc's school that is in any way engaged with your children's learning, and you yourself have stated the view that parents don't need to support kids doing GCSEs because that's for teachers to do, then that can only point to one thing - you are living in a certain type of community where parental engagement is very limited and where aspirations are very low. And the children growing up in that kind of community will be at a huge disadvantage, whether you can see that or not.

None of this is your fault, and the fact that you think it's totally normal merely reflects the limitations of your own experience. But it might benefit your children if you are able to realise that, actually, your experience isn't the norm for a lot of the children that your kids will be competing alongside in the future. A lot of kids will have highly educated parents who are incredibly invested and engaged in their education, and that will make a massive difference.

I'm not trying to bring you down, here, but you need to see that there is a huge gap between the environment that your kids are inhabiting and the environment that a lot of other kids regard as "normal". Do you really want your kids to be at a disadvantage?

I was the first in my family to go to university. I had many advantages that others don't - i had parents who cared about education, who cared about culture and politics and could feed me and provide a safe home. However they (latterly just my dad as my mum died when i was 16) had no idea how to support me or even that they should - they both left school at 16 with few formal qualifications.

I went to all of the interviews on my own, filled out my UCAS form, applied for student finance on my own, sorted all of the accommodation etc... My dad dropped me off on the first day, gave me £50 (the first and last student funding i got from him) and said see you at Christmas. He cared but it was just he was on a very low income, was a busy single parent and had no idea about how much things costed. I spend most of the first two terms feeling like a fish out of water and terribly overwhelmed by it all.

Similarly when I came to graduate he had no idea at how to guide me to get a job. I was spat out in to the world with a degree from a very good university but no idea was wasn't really qualified to do anything much. I had no idea about the world of graduate schemes, internships etc.. I just needed a job ... and fast. My CV was thinner than most of my peers as I had to spend every holiday working to pay off my overdraft - n time for work experience, travelling or CV improving volunteer work

25 years later I have a decent, well paid career and am successful in life, but those university years and first few years after graduation were hard and i have always felt several steps behind those who come from more middle class families.

Having parents with money and time and who know who to support you and guide yo to get the best of of university matters.

Do you have primary age kids? If you did you’d know spelling and maths homework is done online and there’s a leaderboard I can see that it’s only about 5 out of 30 that do it because everyone else has 0 points on it.

Not all schools do this. Ours doesn't.
Again, your experience isn't universal.

You are incredibly naive if you think parents don't help their teenagers in the GCSE and A level years, even if that helps doesn't look like direct one to one help, it takes other forms, like paying for a club that compliments the work at school, even things like debating current affairs around the dinner table, discussing a History book you have sourced and recommended for your child who is studying History as you yourself studied History and have the tacit knowledge to help, taking them to an Art exhibition for inspiration and discussing the pieces following the exhibition.

You said they were ‘old af’. But turns out they were just adults in their 40’s. You have a skewed idea of old if you think that makes them ‘old af’.

Homework doesn’t make any difference in primary school, there’s plenty of evidence to back that up, so that’s not why your kids are top of the class (though well done to them). Your attitude, however, will help enormously - you value education. Now, imagine how hard it would be to make it to uni if you come from both a family and a societal background that doesn’t value education. That you made it would be entirely down to you and you alone. That’s a very impressive achievement.

(Pre GCSEs you did either GSEs (aka O levels) or CSEs. Not optional as far as I know ( I was the last year to do O levels) but continuing in education post 16 was definitely optional.)

Do you struggle to see things from someone else's perspective?
Just because something isn't typical for your immediate social group doesn't mean it's the same for others.

It is very, very common in my social group for parents to support their children with GCSEs and A levels. It's either direct support or paying for tutors.
I have a primary aged child and there is probably only 1 or 2 kids who don't engage with homework. In fact, our class WhatsApp has been busy this morning with parents asking for advice on how to support a particular piece of homework.

How do you know what the other 30 children in your kids class- and their parents are doing or not doing? And how do you extrapolate this data to a whole generation?

with the greatest kindness you are making wild assumptions and viewing it all through the narrow lens of your personal experience.
the sooner you get to university and acquire some critical thinking skills the better…..

No, it's not unusual for parents (or grandparents for that matter) to help children with their exams, @OP . It's only unusual in your experience.

One thing which has opened up access would be the foundation courses now available at some unis - those geared precisely to helping those who do not have the normal range of qualifications.

Also, the Open University provides much more support for those who have no experience of academia.

It's a whole different ball game for those who enter via the traditional routes (and was significantly harder prior to the internet where you can now find at least some guidance to form filling and studying techniques).

I remember starting uni and wondering what these 'Brodie's Notes' were that other students were talking about. [I don't think they exist now: they were akin to the more modern York Notes.]

OP, my parents were 38 and 45 when they had me. ‘Older’ parents, especially for the 80’s. Both from very working class Black Country backgrounds. Both university educated - Dr and Nurse. My mother actually ended up becoming a university senior lecturer. They were the same age as your parents were, when we did our GCSE’s. Your parent’s lack of education, or ability to help you during your own education, is nothing to do with their ‘old’ age. I don’t need you to educate me on the maternal age of first time pregnancies thank you.

The fact that you tell your primary age children to do their homework has no relevance to whether people assist their teenagers with GCSEs!

I don’t think it’s typical for parents to help their kids with their GCSEs as I said my kids are primary age and I’m one of the only parents that makes them do their homework and we are years away from GCSEs. Which by that time most people I speak to agree homework/studies is the child’s responsibility.

But it is typical behaviour in some groups which is the point we are making. Children who have parents who are actively involved in their education are at an advantage compared to children who have parents who take a more passive approach.

That doesn't automatically mean that that children in the second group are neglected. It just means the first group have a bigger advantage.

Ithink anything that makes people feel a bit special is a good thing op. Very tough family down the road from us and they’ve moved their kids into a better school and one now is going to uni. The others are taking part in sports and quizzes and it’s a different family now. They post it all on dm and I make sure to tell them they’re doing fab because I knew them twenty years ago when all their aspirations were low. Their mum is now retraining to be in the health sector. I think it is something to be applauded - college isn’t easy

Well, I guess you'll find out when you get there, OP.