To not understand how a baby can be a “suprise” unless contraception failed

I had 2 children and was lucky enough to get pregnant as soon as we tried for each of them.
I did not have any other children because I was taking the pill. If I missed a pill, we took an additional method. If I was taking antibiotics, we took an additional method. I do not believe in surprise babies.

A lot depends on context too. This most recent stint of TTC took over three years, so in a way I wouldn’t always assume that an ooopsie at the wrong time of the month would necessitate an immediate dash to the pharmacy for the MAP, so I can understand how people with similar backgrounds can become dangerously laissez faire.

And whilst all my TTC stints have been long, tough slogs, I also know that things can vary/change very quickly. The pregnancy/early MC which started my last TTC journey off was the result of being a bit crap at taking the pill for a couple of months. I then had another early MC 3 years later, but then conceived again just 3 months after that. So fertility issues can never be taken for granted…

I had a friend who never had periods and was told she couldn't get pregnant, at one time she was really unwell and fortunately her gp did a pregnancy test before investigating something else (much worse that was being postulated). She was six months pregnant and went on to have two more babies after that. She was pretty chubby so the bump didn't show at all.

You didn’t take contraception. That is what happened.

“there”.

It's usually a suprise for the man. Not so much the woman.

I don’t get this either. Having sex without contraception = ttc. If a baby results, it isn’t a surprise.

Well, I had/have and irregular cycle. We weren't tracking it for a while, and with 21-36 days and a lot of travel, we were rather surprised by the month that was a "hit". Neither date we had sex that month were anywhere near ovulation.

And I breastfed for 20m, and I have typical symptoms that come with ovulation that didn't come back until I stopped feeding.

I don't think that it's that mad to be surprised, TTC is unpredictable. The people who had the worst shocks in my friend groups were the ones who got pregnant first cycle every time.

This reminds me of a joke when I was at school, “What do you call people who rely on ‘natural’ contraceptive measures? Parents!” Things can happen to make contraceptives fail, eg cancer treatment, or as you say menopause, PCOS etc, but outside of those kinds of issues, I will be honest and say the only people I knew who became pregnant ‘accidentally’ were in one case idiots, and in another just ridiculously super fertile and didn’t realise that his vasectomy had self healed (tbh I didn’t even know that could happen until it happened to them), apparently there’s a ‘snip not tied’ method where this can happen. I will admit I was, hmm, incredulous, but judging from their reactions to the news it was legit! (My main issue was how the heck were they having sex just a few days after his op, but that’s a different issue!)

DC2 was a surprise. We had started TTC and were disappointed when DC1 came down with a bug and became a velcro toddler for the whole of my fertile period in our second month of TTC. No sex when fertile = no pregnancy, we thought.

We were wrong. :)

Maybe they're worried they'll be judged (too old/young/too big an age gap between kids, not employed, health or whatever other reason they think people will use to say they shouldn't have got pregnant), so it's easier to say that.
Also it's surprising how many people think pulling out is safe, or how little people know about contraception in general (and I'm not saying I'm an expert myself).

It's a rubbish excuse by irresponsible people.

Contraception information is freely available in many formats and languages and contraception of various types is free.

Surprise babies are nothing of the sort - there is no surprise that 'pulling out' will lead to a child.

Yes there's a chance of pregnancy but it's actually quite unlikely that conception will happen per month hence the surprise. Or you may not have planned for the conception act to happen as it did so are still surprised that this significant event has happened in your life. Having said that I would say my eldest was an accident but not a surprise as I was very conscious that I might get pregnant as a result.

As my name suggests, our baby was a surprise. We were not planning a pregnancy, were talking precautions and both truly believed we would need fertility treatments after spending the previous nearly 4 years of not preventing pregnancy. You can actually only get pregnant in a small window each month, so if you’re not actively trying it is usually a surprise when it happens!

Completely

This ^
I was really struggling to keep my mouth shut in my youth when someone announced that.
How come being a pregnant after unprotected sex could be a surprise?

Remember OP in real life your (realistic and logical) view counts as one of unpopular opinions. 🙂

me, pregnant age 42 - I intended to conceive but did NOT expect to succeed naturally first month of trying given my age

so yes I was surprised it worked and chuffed for dh that his little swimmers still doing the job

People with irregular periods.

I knew one friend who's partner got to 6 months without realising she was pregnant because her periods were so irregular, her baby was small and she was quite chunky around the abdomen so there was no noticeable bump, she had no morning sickness, she didnt have a reason to suspect, they were on contraception, but think she was on antibiotics for a tooth infection.

Well, not really. Within a 30 day cycle there is a 5 or 6 day “window” where unprotected sex could lead to a pregnancy. I’m not sure without googling but I read once that there’s a 20% chance of falling pregnant if you have unprotected sex within the fertile period. I’d imagine that could be more or less likely depending on the day, and depending on the individuals involved.

If you had unprotected sex once on your period, it’d be incredibly unlikely I suppose.

https://www.nhs.uk/baby/support-and-services/sex-and-contraception-after-birth/

Definately not something that should be relied upon:

It's important to start using another form of contraception if:

• your baby is more than 6 months old
• you give them anything else apart from breast milk, such as a dummy, formula or solid foods
• your periods start again (even light spotting counts)
• you stop night feeding
• you start to breastfeed less often
• there are longer intervals between feeds, both during the day and at night