Absolutely furious with son's school.

I really think you need to find out the teacher’s point of view before you decide to go off the deep end.
Most schools tend to ensure that every child receives some sort of award throughout the year, even the badly behaved ones,so they have something to celebrate. School teams are always going to be ‘the best’ children because of the competitive element ; school plays will generally have the best speakers/actors because of the obvious need to be heard . Why would you put someone in a role they don’t want or the audience can’t hear? Some people shine as part of the bigger groups. And there are children who are happier with the ‘backstage’ roles… just as important and usually chosen by the children themselves.
as for the teacher just staring at him… sounds like he is complaining or shouting out in class and getting ‘the look’.

Maybe praise for turning up and taking part then but not academic awards and places in the sports teams, which is partly what the OP is whinging about.

Duplicate

Wow I’m glad I don’t work for you.
Know much about humans and how to motivate them? 😂

This is nonsense. By definition “unremarkable” children shouldn’t get praise and recognition because they haven’t done anything to merit that.

Wow this thread is a tough read. The kicking the OP is getting when there are frequent threads on here referencing this exact problem - of decent but unremarkable children being overlooked for active praise or recognition.
I agree that a calm, constructive conversation is the best way to approach the school here, whilst also finding other ways to boost his self esteem through out of school clubs. Accepting the cost issue but I would try to find one affordable one - he really doesn’t need the multiple clubs we hear about in Mumsnet- just something to give him a different perspective and wider group of friends.

And as for the reading comprehension of the 85% brigade and the person referencing the 11+ when it’s not been a thing in Wales for 50 years 🫣

Yes, I did reference her OTT language. It does give the impression that she’s making her DS feel worse about school by making a big fuss about everything.

Vomiting bugs can go on for some time, especially given the fact most schools also require 48-hours off school from the last time the child vomited to avoid the child returning while still contagious, so far from “perfect” if you are unlucky enough to get one. And to quote attendance above 85% as worthy of an award just smacks of a gross misunderstanding of reality, because no school would reward persistent absence.

I think the problem is that the OP does come across as histrionic and black and white in her thinking (her child must be entirely accurate in their perception, whereas the teachers are borderline cruel by “conveniently” failing to acknowledge him in any way). She does say she had a hard time at school herself and, imvho, this has translated into her overreacting to anything even slightly negative her child says about his day, to the point he is reacting to her anxiety and developing a victim complex. Yes, he may be being a bit overlooked and could benefit from some praise, but no he does not need a mother blowing this out of proportion and going into school aggressively accusing staff of ignoring her child. If she’s worried about her child, she should ask to work with the school to help his self-esteem, not blame them for his lack of it and tell them they have to give him a reward to make him feel better.

I think most posters are just responding to the OPs unreasonable attitude

I didn’t at all. I read it as him having been off when he had vomiting bugs, as I hope any child would be. The OP says that he goes in with heavy colds, so she isn’t soft on attendance.

I think some posters are determined to interpret the OP in the worst possible light as is often the case. In this case, possibly because of some of the OTT language from the OP.

You’re not being unreasonable to question - however, I can attest to the fact (being a teacher myself) that

1. sports teams are for those best at it. Your child may just not be. It’s competition and part of preparing our children for life is understanding that.
2. does your child volunteer for roles? Every year I have children that do not want one, despite me offering a simple line like ‘wow’ and they refuse, only to tell their parents they weren’t given one. My experience leads me to tell parents now, in front of kid, that despite my pleas, they don’t want a part.
3. many schools don’t want hands up anymore as it’s the same kids and ‘cold calling’ is preferred - see it as a complement that we usually pick on the ones that look like they don’t know what they’re doing to check understanding. He’s potentially 1/35 kids also.

I do feel for you, I hate seeing my child being overlooked too, but know class sizes are huge and kids often show a different side at school. Particularly if you’re pushing for answers from them.

I’d go down the route of ‘Is Tommy applying for roles as I want to ensure he’s willing to try new things?’ Than go full Welsh! (Just yet anyway, save that for later when you have a better picture)

I read it that it was near perfect apart from
the numerous days he had off sick 🤷‍♀️

Because they tend to repeat what other posters have written and don’t read the OP’s posters. Hence when one poster interprets the OP, that mistake is then repeated over and over again.

To repeat. The OP does NOT have 85% attendance, but near perfect whatever that means.

So next week your child gets whatever certificate is going. Then what? Will he be happy? I think not.

I’ve seen kids tell parents every tiny negative thing that day and parents fixate on it and ask again and again. Kid is getting attention from parents for the 1 negative thing that happened out of the 1000 of positive things that happened.
try and talk about good things that happened at school and make that the thing he wants to talk about rather than focusing on the negative.

you only have his word to go on. Maybe he does get asked questions but not because he put his hand up. Many schools have started to ban hands up as it’s the same kids.

my kid wasn’t picked for main parts as there were some kids who were big characters and got the main part all way through. They were ok over actors but everyone just rolled their eyes. 👀
my kid isn’t sporty. Never went on sports trips

everyone seems to need a participation award these days

going in and yelling at the teacher will not work. Have a discussion about your child but listen to them rather than accuse.

Are you saying that he isn’t good at anything? That’s probably true from your previous posts.
You sound like you have a serious chip on your shoulder and your sons reaction to not being picked is probably caused by your attitude.

Exactly. He’s an average kid so he’s not getting academic awards and he’s not sporty so he’s not getting picked for the teams. That’s life so don’t be that parent.

I think there are bigger issues here.
Like most have said, maybe chat with the school but it possibly won't have much impact if they are conducting themselves within their guidelines for awards etc.
The best approach would be to explain to your child that we don't always get what we feel we should and we can't all be good at everything. My daughter is often overlooked, sometimes shes bothered, other times she isn't - im probably more bothered than her but as I tell her (and remind myself) we can only control our reaction to things not peoples actions.
I think most telling is that from what I can see you have only replied to the negative comments and overlooked the positive.
Negativity breeds negativity. Be positive. Put a positive spin on eveything you can. And in turn your son will see that

Do not complain. That's confrontational and will alienate you. Arrange a meeting with the head, and keep it calm, measured and friendly. Ask how your son is doing and maybe explain why he's absent so often.

On the positive side, as has already been suggested, encourage him to join some clubs etc outside school.

Believe it or not, teachers aren't the most important people here. So they're busy, so what? If children are feeling invisible, the teacher is doing a bad job.

I feel very sorry for your son OP. It can be very disheartening when you are never picked for anything. The teacher not answering his questions is more concerning, i would be keen to address that, perhaps a meeting with the Head. I did this a lot of years ago as the teacher was actually bullying and belitting my daughter, as well as a couple of kids in the class. I made it clear i was not prepared to accept the Head brushing it under the carpet. I am not one to go into school or complain but that was unacceptable. My son was on his own a lot at school yet was such a nice wee soul he just found it hard fitting in. Maybe try arrange a meeting at the park with his friends and a football or something. Cinema day. Something outside school. Kids have to learn they can't win or be chosen for everything, but if he is being left out intentionally this needs addressed.

Delighted to read your DD is getting the recognition she deserves at secondary school 😊

I think this is all very normal tbh.

how may kids in a class?

I was always standard - don’t really get awards, wasn’t amazingly academic and definitely not sporty.

I have to say I hate attendance awards. My kids school used to do them for 100% attendance which is ridiculous and surely just luck they’ve not been unwell. It also discriminates.

are you getting annoyed about it in front of him or talking about it and asking questions??

most kids probably wouldn’t care.

the staring at him thing - I think you need to understand this from the teacher? It sounds strange and I wonder if he’s misinterpreting something.

if i were you I’d celebrate his skills at home - do some certificates and a points chart for reading/homework/spellings or something - then give him a little treat or pocket money.

he’s going to be in secondary school soon where awards are few and far between and they’ll be 100s of kids to compete against. So I think he needs to learn this now.

try to positive and not make a thing of it. But do speak to the teacher if it’s worrying you because it’s likely rubbing off on him.

While everyone wants their child to do well at school, to be given roles in plays or assemblies, places in school teams etc, not all children can. But what your son can do is join in the after-school sports practices from which teams are chosen, then he will be able to develop his skills so he may be able to improve sufficiently to gain a team place. As for a teacher deliberately ignoring a child in their class, I find that your son may be embellishing the truth. You need to have a further discussion with the class teacher and head of year. You need to express your concerns and listen to their feedback.

I used to keep this poem taped to the inside of my cupboard door:

The Average Child

by Mike Buscemi

I don’t cause teachers trouble;
My grades have been okay.
I listen in my classes.
I’m in school every day.

My teachers think I’m average;
My parents think so too.
I wish I didn’t know that, though;
There’s lots I’d like to do.

I’d like to build a rocket;
I read a book on how.
Or start a stamp collection…
But no use trying now.

’Cause, since I found I’m average,
I’m smart enough you see
To know there’s nothing special
I should expect of me.

I’m part of that majority,
That hump part of the bell,
Who spends his life unnoticed
In an average kind of hell.

I agree with this. Rewarding neurotypical children with good health and stable home lives for simply being neurotypical, healthy with stable home lives is unforgivable in my opinion. And yet it is championed in pretty much every school in the country.

I'm trying to teach my dc how valueless the whole thing is, but it's hard going with dc3 as she luuurves a certificate (it's a shiny one) - and the school have an assembly about it almost every week bigging up how exciting the treat will be at the end of term / year. Sigh.