Absolutely furious with son's school.

I've read the whole post. 85%attendance is an unusually low benchmark, which speaks volumes about the school's overall standards. OP you seem to be enraged by everything, not least that you didn't get even 85% approval on here to "go full Welsh".
It seems as though it may be that YOU are disappointed that your son hasn't received any awards, and maybe he feels your disappointment and that is what is affecting him, you making him feel "less than".
Academic awards usually go to those who are in the top 2%, or who have done something exceptionally well, not those who are merely in the top 25%. You avoid saying what percentage your son's attendance actually is, just that it's good. In my daughter's school, only those with 100% attendance get an award, and 95% is the school target.
I feel you have worked yourself up over this, and do not want to change the narrative with your son by encouraging him in other ways. You are teaching him entitlement, which won't get him far in the real world. Take a deep breath, calm down, stop making spurious claims that the lack of academic or sporting recognition is affecting your son's mental health, and talk calmly to the teacher to see if he/she is REALLY just staring at him. Do other kids corroborate this version, or is it solely your son's perception? Tbh, it doesn't sound very likely; most teachers who want to ignore kids (usually those who are always demanding attention) would simply look the other way and move on.

You are neglecting his emotional needs by making such a big deal about this. He is picking it up from you. He is obviously not good enough academically or athletically for awards in those areas. You should be helping him feel confident about himself rather than raging against the school in this unhinged manner.

This is excellent advice.

Private school bursaries are very thin on the ground since the VAT saga and at best were often only 5-10% so I’m not sure that’s very helpful just to be able to tell the existing school that the op is moving her son
Op go and have a proactive meeting and discuss how the school and home can work together to boost his confidence.

Look at activities outside of school too, I too would support cadets if some sort as they often have excellent opportunities at low cost.
sadly school sports teams are often full of kids who do the sport outside of school and have a lot more experience and skill already unless he’s got a particular talent.

This comment right here from you is the problem. You are projecting your issues onto him. If you didn't make a big deal about it neither would he.

85% is very low normally would mean a visit from welfare to see why they are off so often, ours only get prizes for 100% and that is a school attendance wrist band.
Not being picked for teams just means others are better, which happens in life.
Top 25% of the class means nothing if those in his class are low achievers.
No speaking roles would mean that there are others that are better.
You need to book an appointment at the school to see exactly what is going on, ad doesn’t sound like the information you have is correct.

My kids primary school had an issue someone else touched on in that the weekly awards etc were often given out when the more ‘challenging’ kids were given them for doing anything that was a slight improvement. I explained this to my kid but was still sad for them as from their point of view they were trying really hard and not being recognised. I did talk to the school about it and framed it as countless people suggested - I wasn’t angry or anything about it and said I understood why it was happening and that it was important for those other kids to get recognition but told them how it impacted mine and they hadn’t really thought about that aspect. They ended up tackling it and it made a big difference.

I have queried things too before as my kids recollection or account of something can be skewed by their feelings or what they think I’d want to hear and the truth wasn’t always the exact same. I don’t think it’s intentional or malicious, just how their developing brains work at that age.

And I agree - a happy collaborative relationship with schools (where possible) is much more productive than an us vs them outlook

Maybe invite a school friend around for tea and build up his friendship group in school as this will help his self esteem and confidence too .

As I’ve said earlier on the thread I have sympathy with the OP and her son but this is an example of how not to approach the school!

Try looking at the whole picture too. You say you have very little money - could that situation be making your son unhappy? Maybe in general he isnt liking that winters come along and he cant play outside as much. Maybe his mates in sports teams were always going to drift off and its not the schools fault or problem your son wasnt good enough to be picked.

I'd be seriously surprised if a teacher ignoring him a bit is causing "psychological damage" for heavens sake.

Also jumping up everyones crack for misunderstanding your very unclear comment about 85% attendance, just makes me think you9re on a war path in general. There's been plenty of good suggestions on here and your only interested in being argumentative with the minority of posters.

This was happening to my son… we moved schools and now he’s thriving.

@ThisMerryCat OP, I had 98% attendance in high school, along with most of my peers, and there was no fanfare, back slapping, and cheers.

Doing what is expected of you is not a cause for celebration.

By all means sit down with the school and see what can be done to improve his motivation and learning outcomes.

You sound deranged.
You should be banned from the school.
Paranoid.

You should be ashamed of that behaviour

Not unreasonable. Sounds exactly like my eldest. Never got any special mentions despite consistently doing the right thing. He was just quiet. He moved to secondary school, and it’s like night and day. Despite being twice as big as his primary, they learnt his name, give positive feedback and seem genuinely interested in him. Sadly you can’t change school culture.

It's not really possible for every other kid to be picked for these special tasks or speaking roles, is it? Your son may feel sad for not being chosen, but everytime 1 person is chosen there will be 20 odd children not chosen.

Also shocked that school are giving rewards for 85% attendance, that's very low!
I'd just explain to his teacher that he isn't feeling very seen. Don't go in furious or guns blazing, it will get you absolutely nowhere.

Honestly i would go in all guns (politely!) blazing and fight his corner. At 10 his perception of the world is mature enough to trust.

Also what is this ‘one must never complain because it might upset the teacher attitude?’

The teacher should care about the kids in their class and how they are feeling and want to know if something is upsetting them. If it is a case of crossed wires then what’s wrong with trying to resolve that. Why all the tip-toeing around?

You can raise an issue assertively and directly without being rude or accusatory. Then you can together explore the problem and resolve it.

I hope op’s son gets a little bit more of the attention he deserves soon!

I would have given permission, I always do.

Great post

After reading this and your other replies to people on this thread I do have to say you seem very passionate about having the best for your son. However, perhaps the root cause of his unhappiness isn’t the treatment he is getting (teachers don’t generally single out children to mistreat) but the way it is being framed at home by you.

If your child tells you something then you are right to believe that is how they experienced it. But they are still a child and don’t always have the vocabulary and social experience to give an objective view. The teacher may have overlooked him on one occasion he has focused in on but included him in other ways that didn’t stand out for him so he didn’t remember.

Going into school with a victim mentality isn’t going to help anyone. Least of all
your son.

In primary school they don’t normally have the same teacher two years in a row and even if 1 teacher this year was overlooking him it would be a really awful coincidence for 2 teachers over 2 years to do the same. This, again, suggests it is perception on your sons behalf rather than fact.

Being recognised isn’t a given in life. Sometimes children (and adults) need to accept this and be more resilient.

My daughter was rarely recognised with certificates/speaking parts etc in primary school. It was never something we made a big deal out of, we praised her at home for achieving which mattered more.

When started you should fave been asked if you gave permission for her to be used in photos etc. Did you maybe not give permission?

I don’t think they are. I think they’re expressing scepticism about the OP version of events, since for most 85% would appear an unlikely threshold to be eligible for an attendance award.