Absolutely furious with son's school.

Your response totally out of proportion to poster.
They didnt say anything about telling your son he is worthless.

Its about managing expectations, explaining only certain number children can be chosen for x,y,z. Yes he will be sad but he is doing well at school and should be proud of himself as you are of him.

Teaching him to not judge his self worth by other people.

Oh for love of goodness. The teacher isn't mistreating him. You are being massively unreasonable. If your that unhappy move schools

The sports teams are picked based on those who are the most skilled at the sport.

They will be at secondary and can be at primary - but sometimes they're not - most at DC primary schools weren't in fact when they rarely did matches with other schools sometimes kids who couldn't do outside clubs got in over better players who played outside school.

If he's Y6 - I'd be inclinded go in and calmly try with school - hope it improves but if not focused on secondary coming up. If he's Y5 and it was like this last year and he's another year to go - I'd go in and try and change things and if nothing changes see if in-year transfer is possible to another school.

Outside groups are helpful when school has blips or starts to go poorly though I do get the cost aspects - three kids one group each and swimming lessons it was bloody tough and that was before covid.

Unfortunately this is typical of some schools. Our experience was very much that the sports/drama leads picked her favourites for any events / school team and teachers leaned towards the ones whose parents they had friendships with who were academically talented.

if your child feels hes been unfavourably overlooked at something he should be obvious choice for, tell him to speak up.

i had one child who is amazing at golf and was overlooked for the only golf event of
the year over kids who had never picked up a club and my other child has similar for football but he confronted the sports lead by saying “Im playing for a high level team, I have a good attitude in school, I’m never off ill and I help the little ones at playtime but you have picked kids who don't even play and are always in trouble. Its really unfair”
the sports leader spoke to me after and said he was very mature with the way he approached her and for that reason she picked him for everything she knew he was interested in going forward.

I am going to hazard a guess you are more upset about these things than your son. Kindly our language is giving the perception of you being highly strung, snippy responses to people and talking about going in to demand and being furious. It won't help either of you.
What did the school say when you complained before? Some of your issues ie being picked to collect equipment seem a bit of a non issue. I'm also not sure re attendance awards I hate them but surely they go to people with the best attendance in the class? Unless this is a school with significant issues all children will likely have over 85% attendance. I am a teacher and apart from very rare specific cases cannot remember anyone having below this

The awards for academics usually are given to the child who is top in that subject, not the top 25%. The sports teams are picked based on those who are the most skilled at the sport. Your best bet would be to get him to really study the subjects he wants to get awards for and find some local sports teams to join to get more practice.

Honestly I know it sucks, I tended to be in the top two or three of most classes but didn’t get awards because I wasn’t the very top but with hind site I can see I didn’t study as hard as the people who consistently got top. I didn’t get all the parts I wanted in drama, made the sports teams (we were rubbish) but didn’t get the position I wanted and we lost 90% of our matches. School is hard, it is full of disappointments. What I did do and I would suggest doing is to sign up to as many extra curriculars and participate in as much student life as much we he can, volunteer for student papers, projects etc… there must be some free or cheap clubs at school or in the local area. If there are open days volunteer to help out. Teach him that it is not the winning or the medals but taking part, enjoying things, learning and making friends.

Is he a particularly quiet or shy child? I would talk to the teacher about the fact he isn’t always heard and maybe look at some youtube videos or read up a bit at assertiveness. If all kids above 85% get attendance awards and he did not I would definitely raise it with the school. Some teachers, unfortunately, are just jerks - they are in the minority though and most are there because they really like kids and want to help them achieve their potential.

Quite honestly he sounds like an average child. Your 85% remark is not clear at all, hence why posters are making a mistake about it. What you describe is a normal classroom and school situation to me. He’s not good enough for the sports teams, not good enough for plays etc. I would focus on school just being a necessity and work on things at home with him, build his character outside of school.

I agree with those who say go in and explain how worried you are and you feel you and they are failing him.

I definitely wouldn’t move to a private school because schools are pretty much all the same in my experience. I’ve experienced it from both sides and as painful as it is to see, I don’t think it will really change. Most teachers are too busy to notice

Retired primary school teacher here, 44 years experience. I've read your post and the many replies.
Please go in calmly and with an open mind.
Let the teacher speak & stress that you want the best for your child and ask what can you do and then what can the school do to help him.
I hope you resolve the matter, it's dreadfully upsetting for you as a parent and your child.

I'm gonna be blunt but I am not being nasty, op

You say you dont have a lot of money. Is this affecting his appearance? Are his clothes unkempt or does he look scruffy?

I was the poor kid in my class and it showed. Teachers would ignore me or make nasty comments about my appearance. I was very depressed.

Again, I am not being cruel, but appearances matter (they shouldn't but they do) and if this is the case, maybe you could save some money and improve his appearance - new uniform, hair cut etc.

Can you get a payment plan together for one of the after school clubs?

I must sound superficial but people are superficial and your kids appearance affects the way that teachers will treat them.

Best of luck, yanbu at all, no child deserves to feel like he doesnt matter. xx

Growing up, my school only had prizes for 100% attendance. Things must be bad these days if the school cut off for a prize is only 85%.

OP I am all for teaching resilience but in this case, I don’t see the downside of a quiet word with the teacher. Eg James is keen to be part of the sports teams, always happy to help if you need volunteers to get equipment etc; have you any suggestions on what he could do to get a bit more involved in things. That’s probably what I’d do. See what the teacher has to say.

Why is the school giving out awards for attendance that's below the nationally recognised acceptable minimum?!

And I've gone on to reply to her on that, as her original post is ambiguous on that issue.

The OP has explained MULTIPLE TIMES that he doesn't have 85% attendance.

So firstly attendance awards are considered bad practice and I am always surprised to hear so many schools still do these. There are so many reasons children are absent, not only illness and can be for reasons outside of the child's control, so they are no longer seen as beneficial for anyone, so I would ignore this to begin with.

All of your other points need to be broken down. Is it just the last two years you feel he has been ignored or throughout the whole time at school? As shouting at the current teacher if you feel this is an ongoing issue is not going to help.

Have you actually spoken to your son about the sports clubs and assemblies? In year 4 upwards children audition in my school for plays. So if you son doesn't actually try out for anything, this might be why he isn't getting a speaking part (this is my daughter who doesn't want to give up her lunch break so is happy enough to be in the background).
Regarding sports clubs when do they happen? The sports teams at my kids school play after school, again if your son doesn't go to the weekly training he won't be picked for the team as they won't know he can play well enough. Yes schools should be inclusive but sadly for matches they do want the best players. I would check you haven't missed information about what he could be doing outside school, as while it is tempting to blame the teacher, the older they get the more they need to remember to actually tell you about.

In the classroom maybe the teacher has a no hands up rule. If your son is top of the class the teacher won't want them answering every time as it makes other children reliant on those who will always give an answer (and they know will get it right) and they will want to check other children do understand verbally before doing any written work. My son is a bit like this and came home saying that his teacher told the class that someone other than him needed to answer as he was the only one putting his hand up every time (he is genuinely bright, but I can see this being really annoying in the class).

I would think carefully how you word things with the teacher and try to avoid being confrontational.

I’d calm right down if I were you. Sorry to be blunt but:
85% attendance…what’s the award for? 85% isn’t remotely close to almost perfect as you keep quoting. “Almost perfect except when he’s off”, I almost won the lottery except for the numbers I got wrong. Never heard of a school giving awards for 85%.
Sports teams…maybe he’s not good enough, that’s life sometimes.
Academic awards…possibly some sympathy but it depends how the school awards them, if it’s the “best” (highest) achievement he’s nowhere near from what you’ve said, if it’s for the “best” (effort, improvement) then it’s hard to judge.

None of this means he’s worthless but kids getting awards for so much these days teaches them nothing.

As for the teacher staring, ignoring him etc. Yet another post accepting as gospel what a child says, choose your words carefully.

If the teachers are too overloaded to administer a recognition system fairly then they shouldn't have the recognition system.

Talk to the teacher.

But he has to become more resilient.

If this is affecting him this much then it's a poor indication for his future mental health.

With respect this is the perspective of a young boy who already feels overlooked. I'm sure the teacher isn't deliberately ignoring him. The awards , teams and parts etc have already been discussed by PPs but ultimately they will go to the sportiest, brightest etc.

Speak to the school but frame it around you being concerned about his drop in motivation and engagement with school because he doesn't feel seen, rather than allegations of mistreatment..

Similar happened in my child's school but was never communicated to the children and I think this is part of the problem. They're capable of understanding but they're never treated that way - so the message they end up getting is that nothing they do is good enough, which in turn demotivates them. I'll always remember asking my daughter when she perceived this unfairness if it made her feel like she wanted to try harder - this was at the beginning when I didn't really know how to deal with it and was trying to guage the impact on her - and she said I do try hard, every day. It was a bloody sin and tore my heart out as her mum. I think we've struck a good balance between resolving to challenge unfairness when we can but accepting that sometimes there isn't really anything we can do about it. We definitely can't just keep saying to children 'life isn't fair', what an utterly shit message to hammer into a child's mind.

I would double check about your son not having his questions answered by the teacher, are you sure that it is how he describes. Regarding the awards, it sounds like your son is well behaved and doing well and so isn’t being chosen for awards that are perhaps designed to encourage kids who need the extra encouragement.

I have three children who have gone through the UK school system. I really don’t think your son’s experience is different than 80% of children at school. The top 10% will get recognised for over achieving or making sports teams. The bottom 10% will get extra attention to help them reach their full potential. The other 80% generally coast along nicely (my three children included).

It would be amazing if all children got lots of attention/recognition/certificates/extra help/etc but with one overstretched Teacher and 30 kids (many with additional needs) then there just isn’t enough time or resources to make each child feel special. It’s a shame, but it is what it is.

It is our job at home to make our children feel special, teach them resilience, praise them for successes, encourage them to try sports clubs out of school.

He isnt below that as OP has already explained numerous times.

Has there been awards that your son should definitely have got that he hasn’t? If so did you go in and ask why?

You say your son is ignored in class, and when asking questions is ignored and stared at, who has told you this? Just your son?

You have been in previously, what was said when you asked? Did the teacher agree with your son’s version of what happens in class.

Does your son have a different a teacher from last year?

How is your son’s behaviour? Does he have friends? Does he socialise outside school with other kids from his class?

Is it one teacher or whole school/couple?

I've had it with DD1 and wanting to do school play - she audition but teacher running it had taught her a few years eariler and have a very strong view of it not being DD1 thing. She found alternative ways into performing - with class teacher assemblies and then joining the choir. When we moves schools at 10 she got lead part in the school christmas play.

I do agree with PP - going in with he's feel invisible and starting not to want to come in - and ask polite questions about why he's not got attendance awards. It may make no difference - didn't always with my kids - but it might.