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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy myself the (non-engagement) ring?

88 replies

lastplaceinsportsday · 12/11/2025 10:48

DH is a brilliant husband and dad – genuinely great in so many ways. Gift-giving just isn’t one of them, which I’ve always accepted. But with our 15th anniversary coming up, I’m feeling a bit sad.

When we got engaged, I showed him two rings. He encouraged me to pick the cheaper one (it was £1k less) and said to think of the amazing city break we could have instead. I felt shallow for wanting the pricier one and went cheaper… but 15 years on, I can't even remember if that city break ever happened.

Before our first child was born (on a milestone birthday for me), I mentioned an eternity ring I loved. He said it was too expensive. For my birthday I got something from Amazon and a delivery pizza.

He’s booked us a day out for our upcoming 15th anniversary, which is lovely, and I know we’ll have fun. But part of me wishes, just once, he’d buy me something sparkly – not because I’ve dropped 5,000 hints, but because he wants to, and acknowledges that while he loves experience breaks, I can sometimes prefer something else.

Yes, I can buy it myself. And yes, I know this is about a luxury item when people are struggling to pay bills. But I still feel a bit sad that he’ll probably never buy me jewellery beyond my engagement ring and the odd Celtic knot piece from Amazon.

AIBU to feel like that?

OP posts:
CarlaLemarchant · 12/11/2025 12:15

Doesn’t sound like you’re going to change and he’s great in most other ways so just treat yourself and enjoy it!

TooOldToGiveAShinyS · 12/11/2025 12:05

My DH never even got me an engagement ring. He's as tight as a gnat's wotsit and doesn't think fancy stuff is necessary. Which it isn't I guess.
Now I am older and have more spare cash I have treated myself to a few nice pieces of jewellery, mainly 2nd hand. However the non-appearance of the engagement ring still rankles after 30+years.

Dacatspjs · 12/11/2025 12:01

Id buy it myself. As massive and sparkly and beautiful as possible. Id keep my hands on the table and gesture constantly so everyone could see it. And when people complimented me on it I'd say "thank you, I really love it, I waited 15 years for DH to buy it and eventually gave in and bought it for myself." And Id say it every time until he got the fucking hint.
.
You buy gifts for other people, not yourself. It doesn't matter what he wants or what he thinks is a good gift. He knows what you wanted and is important to you and ignored it. Crack on and get your perfect Christmas sparkle

2catsandhappy · 12/11/2025 11:55

Buy the ring yourself!
And I want to see photos too.

PinkArt · 12/11/2025 11:30

I would absolutely buy it for myself but I'd find a different way to frame what it represents. I've got a diamond ring that I wear every day that I bought when I had a massive brain shift from turning urgh 40 to turning woo hoo 40.
Perhaps instead of seeing it as an anniversary present to yourself you could frame it as representing your successes in life, that include being lucky enough to be with a man who you absolutely want but don't need (to rely on).
Never wait for a man to buy you diamonds - channel your inner Destiny's Child!

northernballer · 12/11/2025 11:25

My husband is like this.

He chose and paid for a v beautiful engagement ring for me and I chose a Tiffany bracelet for my 40th but other than that he's never got me jewellery, other than a Garmin watch 😀

If I had the cash I'd buy it myself. He's an excellent husband other than being useless (not tight, just no imagination) with gifts so I let it go. I would love to have a spontaneous bit of jewellery though so get where you're coming from.

Gair · 12/11/2025 11:20

I'm not sure I could do it because I'm a softie, but I think you should only buy him things you want/enjoy for a couple of years until he gets the hint. If he never gets the hint, then it's a restaurant you want to eat at or a show you want to see every birthday/Christmas. Once you have run out of those, you can revert to something small from Amazon and a pizza delivery. The money you save by no longer showering him with lovely thoughtful gifts should add up to quite a chunk in five years time, and you can spend it on the gorgeous ring you have always wanted.

I have zero interest in jewellery personally, so it would not ring my bell. However, I did have to tell DH and DS a couple of weeks ago that I am expecting a thoughtful decent gift this Christmas. It's not expensive gifts I'm after, but thoughtful ones, and in our household that seems to be a higher cost! I am so sick of putting loads of effort into gifts for them and getting nothing or last minute thoughtless efforts back. I also don't want DS growing up thinking that this is ok - I want to teach him to be considerate and thoughtful.

Ohthatsabitshit · 12/11/2025 11:05

I’m of the same mind as your dh, in that jewellery isn’t really of any interest to me. That said if it’s what you really want and you can both afford it then just tell him. If he still would prefer to give you a different gift then either buy it yourself or don’t get it.

TidyCyan · 12/11/2025 11:00

Now I think of it, book a restaurant you want to go to for you both and tell him it's his Christmas present.

Sorry, cross posted! He does just seem tight in that case.

Original poster
lastplaceinsportsday · 12/11/2025 11:00

TidyCyan · 12/11/2025 10:52

You'll get some people telling you to be grateful for anything for birthdays and occasions - but I don't think it's fair for him to always say the present budget for you should go on a joint trip instead of jewellery. What do you buy him?

My DH has bought me a ring when I had DS (diamonds and his birthstone) and an eternity ring in the 20 odd years we have been together - it doesn't have to be every birthday or anniversary!

Thank you for understanding. I feel like a right tit complaining about something that I know is not important in the grand scheme of things, but I guess the milestone nature is what makes me feel a little teary, like if a 40th birthday, birth of two children, 10th anniversary, very difficult life circumstances etc, are not enough for him to think 'Hm, I think she'd really love a ring' I acknowledge he's just never going to think that way.

As for me, I buy him a mix of experiences and things. He is tricky to shop for, but we're in a lucky position salary wise (both of us are higher earners) and it makes me happy to hunt for things I think he'll like.

For example, one year I bought him a high-end bed and mattress to address his back pain and sleep issues. Have also bought him weekend trips, games nights with his friends, escape rooms, things related to his hobbies, etc.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 12/11/2025 10:58

Tell him it's a gift to yourself for putting up with his miserly ways all these years.

TidyCyan · 12/11/2025 10:52

You'll get some people telling you to be grateful for anything for birthdays and occasions - but I don't think it's fair for him to always say the present budget for you should go on a joint trip instead of jewellery. What do you buy him?

My DH has bought me a ring when I had DS (diamonds and his birthstone) and an eternity ring in the 20 odd years we have been together - it doesn't have to be every birthday or anniversary!

Wishimaywishimight · 12/11/2025 10:51

I love sparkles so don't blame you at all. Your DH just doesn't get it though - he is who he is and you can't make him WANT to buy nice jewellery for you.

If you have the funds just treat yourself.