To buy myself the (non-engagement) ring?

Why on earth was a bed that meant he got a good night's sleep a birthday present? And moaning because uoyr engagement ring was £1000 less than what you wanted. You sound quite selfish to me OP, my exh bought me jewellery on special occasions but I've a feeling you'd have turned yoyr nose up at it because it wasn't expensive enough

Surely you can be honest with him after 10yrs of marriage?

”DH, as you know we got the cheaper engagement ring which I’ve never really liked, but I just went along with because I didn’t want to appear ungrateful. We’ve been together too long to lie anymore, and I am worth a decent piece of jewellery, so I am going to buy myself a nicer one that I love to wear instead; unless you want to treat me?”

I know jewellery may not be important to your DH, or indeed some people, but I think if a partner has mentioned it, it’s affordable then why wouldn’t you buy it as a gift.
I do see exactly where you’re coming from OP. I think I’d be buying a Merry Christmas to me ring this year if I were you.

Not sure how practical this is cost wise, but I’d be taking it to a jewellers and getting a price to get the stones re set into a platinum band, or even a necklace or ear rings. Shame for the sparkly bits to not be seen

Just reading all these replies makes me realise that no one has bought me jewellery since my first boyfriend did, over forty years ago. Current bf of ten years would never think of it and is very parsimonious. I think
you should get your own ring. I may do the same.

I have never understood the fixation with rings or jewellery so emotionally I am with your husband but I also think if you have made clear to him that it’s important to you and he’s deliberately ignoring you he is being selfish and mean.

This would bother me much more than the lack of a ring!

You bought him a mattress and bed one year for his birthday and expect a diamond ring. Perhaps your thinking is slightly mismatched.

Why do fixated on jewellery? Buy it yourself if he won’t.

I don't understand the need for gifts (I buy myself whatever I want) but I seem to be an outlier - my friends all feel the same way as you do, they want to feel spoiled, cherished and loved. I don't understand how a gift makes anyone feel that way. Maybe because my dad used to buy my mum huge gifts at christmas and birthdays. Mum expected it and Dad delivered (my sister often chose it) there was no emotion involved - noone cherishing or loving anyone, just a big empty expensive gift no making up for a years of arguments and bad behaviour. And my Mum bought my Dad socks or thermals or a shirt - it was probably a powerplay - she needed to feel like he was still trying hard. Anyway it put me off.
I get no pleasure in the giving or the receiving of gifts - did someone mention love language? It's not mine apparently, might not be your dh's either, more importantly does he treat you well, make you feel loved everyday (and vice versa) - if he doesn't address that.
Buy yourself the diamond,get used to buying yourself nice things - it feels good and you always get what you wanted - no disappointment. Get him to come with you if you need buy in...for some of us gifts mean absolutely nothing - in the giving or the receiving - we aren't mean, we just express our love in different ways.

Buy the ring! I decided I wanted a ring for our 10th wedding anniversary and bought it myself because
-I could spend time choosing it
-I could get it in the sale

DH would have transferred me the money if I wanted him to. He doesn't see any value in jewellery though so definitely wouldn't "get it" either. But I tell people it's my 10th anniversary ring (we are on 12.5 years now)

I with ya sister!
20 years married coming up early next year.
Didn't get an engagement ring and didn’t mind because he had very little and two small boys to look after. But my 40th birthday was spent on a train to a holiday with small boys not a honeymoon, which I paid for and I received a “little miss naughty” book - the children’s version but nothing else, even though I thought there might just be champagne on arrival or something else organised?
ge buys me very nice costume jewellery for birthdays now but even now the children are grown and gone I had to ask him to pay for our holiday after 20 years marriage whilst he thinks we need to put all extra monies into pensions. Just once I would like to find a surprise engagement or eternity ring. Or a holiday or weekend away booked by him to surprise me. It’s a small first world problem which doesn’t matter, mostly. Just sometimes it makes me wish it were different, knowing he has the buffer I never seem to be able to achieve because I’m always the one organising the holidays and extras.

Bottom - engagement ring to me from me
Middle - my late mum always wanted a diamond band, eight months after she died, I bought this for myself in her memory
Top - my engagement ring was chosen because it went perfectly with the diamond band I wear as my wedding ring (I met my husband six months to the day after she died (bittersweet))

And also not to make you feel bad for wanting this as you can afford it. These things are so sentimental

We all have things that are important to us that we choose to spend our money on that someone else would say is a waste of money- that is normal and nothing wrong with that. For me, it’s holidays and clothes and a semi precious jewellery. For my son it’s his mountain bike. We would both be horrified what the other person spends - I think you need to point out what’s important to you to your dh and say that a special piece of jewellery is important to you even if he doesn’t understand it or if it’s not what he would choose to spend his money on but can he please recognise it’s important to you and that you would like a special piece of jewellery to celebrate this occasion- and even though it’s expensive you’ll have it forever

@AuntieLemonade

I'd love to see your ring too!

I'd love to see it!

I’ve had my “engagement ring” saved on my phone for 20 years. Never met “the one”…
so on my last significant birthday, I bought it for myself. I wear it on my right hand but it’s gorgeous and I love it! Who needs a man and a forced hand, literally?!… 🎶 I can buy myself flowers diamonds 🎶 💎

I can empathise with you as my DH is rubbish gift giver. He just doesn’t put any value on it at all. We had a huge row over lack of effort for my 40th. It clearly stuck with him as he got me a great 50th present (an experience rather than an item). But, he did check with me first as he wasn’t confident to just book it.
id love him to buy me a beautiful ring / eternity ring, but I have to accept it’s not going to happen.

Definitely buy yourself the ring, OP. You deserve it.

Where is your day out? Is it somewhere with jewellery shops?! Kill two birds!

YANBU. I once had my heart set on a diamond pendant necklace. We got some compensation for a delayed flight that would have covered the cost of the necklace (my part alone that is) but I didn't buy it because DH said that he wanted to buy something sparkly / kept complaining that he never knew what to get me plus I had a big birthday coming up that year so I didn't buy it. DH didn't buy it either, nor the next year nor the year after that and they no longer make it. 10 plus years later I still wish that I had bought it so I say go for it!

We are all different so some people won't understand this and that's fine. Some will look at their hand and just be happy to see the ring even if they bought it themselves.

I think for me if i had bought it myself. I would look down and feel a bit sad.
Just be reminded that he didn't value me in the way I do him. That he couldnt get past his I am right and you're wrong because I deem that non important/not worthwhile a gift/to spend on.

For me it would mean even more that he bought me the ring because it would mean he really saw me and what would make ME happy/feel treasured. That he was placing that as his number one priority. That he valued my opinion on what I'd like as a gift rather than override my own judgement. Or place his values on to me.

Something about it just feels such a personal refusal to do something you're partner would like. And a personal judgement on something you would value. Like his gifts were conditional only what he values.

If money wasn't a factor i can't imagine a reason I would refuse to gift my husband something he would love even if it was of low value to me personally. I value him so that takes priority for me.

Hopefully that waffle made some sense.i am rather sleep deprived. Maybe I over thought the whole thing and that's not how it is for you op at all
I just wondered what the niggle is when you drill down a bit further. Why does it seem silly yet still hurt?

It sounds like you could afford this as a household so he should accept that it's something that you would really value and appreciate, even if it's not his idea of a good way to spend money. His preference for spending on experiences isn't the only way to do things. I think you really need to stand up for yourself and directly instruct him "buy me this" and if he just won't, get it for yourself.

I once found a gorgeous diamond engagement ring.
I had it for years hoping that one day I'd see an add out for it.
I put an add in the papper and shop windows but nothing come of it.
Back in the prehistoric time no Internet.
I sold it in the end year 1998 got 2k for it.
I think it was worth more it was gorgeous but I needed money.
Upon selling it the man that looked at it said its custom made.
I think he kept it because I never did see it for sale in his shop.

I don’t understand why it’s so important that he buys it for you, rather than you buy it for yourself?

It sounds like you put a lot of value on specific pieces of jewellery, while he values other things. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as there’s a compromise which allows you to both get your own way from time to time.

I love collecting jewellery so there’s no judgement on that from me!