To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

Have you looked on the childcare.co.uk? I’ve never had to use anyone from there as we got a recommendation from a friend of someone they had used, but when I’ve looked in the past there are nursery staff/ childminders / registered Nannie’s also offering evening babysitting. It shows whether they have a DBS and you can of course ask them for references. It is tough when they’re little and your network isn’t that wide. Now mine are older and I have friends amongst their school friend’s parents, we often babysit for each other.

Plus the cost - £12 an hour plus taxi back. so even something like theatre is easily £50.

@Ticklyoctopus We just never left them overnight until they were older. I think that’s pretty common

Do you have a nursery nurse college course near you?

younger students there may be glad of money and willing to help out. Maybe get in touch with college…

I say this because I had bad PND with my first. Someone suggested I tried to get a placement student in for a period of time following birth of my second to help prevent a repeat of PND. (Part of a series of things I changed second time around). College were looking for placements, visited and interviewed me. Net readout is I had a lovely very competent nanny come in 3 days a week for a term and was a real blessing.

so, worth asking colleges …and they’ll be all be checked of course.

o

Are you in a really posh area?

We are in London too and babysitters (nursery workers not teens) charged us £10/hr when we first got babysitters 8-9 years ago, it's now gone up to £13-4. I pay what the babysitter suggests, I am not cheaping out!

I have felt this too! Usually at childfree weddings of cousins etc where my mum (the only support I have) is also a wedding guest so I have literally no one to ask. My child has SEN and I can’t just leave him with a babysitter (I guess I COULD but it would be a shitshow)

Why? Our babysitters are fine to deal with a child who wakes up.

Actually we never had the babysitter arrive after they were in bed because we wanted to make sure our children were fully aware of the babysitter so they wouldn't be upset to come downstairs and find someone unexpected

I used to use Sitters when my children were small (from about six months) but I never had a sitter for more than four hours at a time (so from 7 to 11). It meant going out was far more expensive and I remember being cross with a friend who cancelled on me with three hours’ notice because I still had to fork out for the sitter (we went out anyway).

I do remember having people ask on the school WhatsApp whether anyone knew a sitter and then having them tell me that they wouldn’t want to use an agency. Which is fine - but I didn’t have any other suggestions.

The OP’s references to “overnights” makes me think that she is being asked to things by people who are at a different life stage.

or one of my friends who also had small children this is what I am often faintly kind of amused by. Fair enough if no one in your circle has extended family to help but if they do, they don’t need a reciprocal arrangement and so it’s just a pain for them because they also have small children!

I may need to expand my offerings in that case. Might be worth the train fare 😂

This is weird. The idea that a babysitter is either a close family member, or a stranger.

We live miles away from any family members. When we had babysitters they were sometimes the twin teenage daughters of a close friend, or one of my friends who also had small children. We helped each other out and that was very common in my circle, mums helping each other out on a not for pay, reciprocal basis.

In our area you can't even find many childminders because everyone seems to have grandparents/family/friends or really flexible jobs.

When I mentioned a babysitting circle it was met with crickets because no one else needed it. This was before we even knew of my middle ones additional needs so it wasn't even that putting anyone off which I can understand.

There are no local teens babysitting or neighbours that would offer. Plus now we are aware one of my children has additional needs we would want someone with experience. Potentially more like a nanny so that's more expensive. Makes going out for a meal very expensive before you've left the door. I'd want to do some ramp up visits so the children would get use to the person so that would be more expense. We just couldn't afford it. So we just don't go out much at all.

It's certainly not super easy to just find a babysitter. It might become easy when it's established but it's not something that requires minimal thinking about.

Had a local girl once they got home from school for things like doctor/coil fitting. Otherwise I get nothing done. My sister never went out when hers young 3 boys.

Yes. I was paying £15 and hour, in London a decade ago.
It did mean going out cost us. So not a luxury for everyone.

I was amused, when I was pregnant by the fact 3 acquaintances, seeing I was pregnant, promptly and gleefully gave me their student aged daughters' phone numbers...so that I would have them and call when the need for a babysitter arose. Those mothers spotted the commercial opportunity!

I get you OP. We just never went out when the kids were young

I wouldn't leave my kids with some rando I found online either. Now they are older my neighbour's teenager is OK to watch them.

I’m in London. That was the going rate.

Yes- the cost is also a factor too. Not many people can afford to pay out for a night out and a babysitter on a very regular basis (especially if you work and are already paying for nursey fees which were like paying another mortgage for us)

That’s fine if you can pretty much guarantee they won’t wake but if they do, or there’s a fair likelihood, then that’s different.

Yanbu. Most commonly it is just not affordable for a lot of families nowadays.

We've hired a baby sitter once for the night of our wedding and it cost a fortune. Not something we can afford on top of a night out . A friend took care of our eldest when I went into labour early with the youngest but that friend is definitely not interested in regular childcare and my other friends all have their own kids and their families to help out. We are just resigned to the fact that going out isn't going to happen for us and theres not much we can do. We are at least fortunate that my one friend will help in an emergency

I hear you OP- it pisses me off too. Both my parents died when I had my kids (well my dad died a couple years after but was very unwell so unable to help). I am an only child and so were my parents, so I have no siblings, no cousins, no aunts or uncles to help.

DH's family lived on another continent so no help there either.

I have friends but one of them has 6 children and the other has a son with severe LD, another lives 3 hours away so I couldnt really ask any of them to assist as it simply wasnt practical or they didnt have the capacity to help me which i completely understood.

I did not feel comfortable leaving my children with a complete stranger. If others do then good for them but I did not. I think people who have helpful families really take that help for granted and dont realise how hard it is when you dont have that family back up

I remember people taking it personally when I wouldn’t come out after they’d suggested “just get a babysitter!” Usually childless people

Most toddlers will be in bed, though, before the parents go out.

I'm in the SE, commuter belt. I'm gobsmacked that a teenager was getting £15 an hour a decade ago! She was very fortunate.