To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

I didn't live on residential streets. I lived in the countryside when I was a teen, and I used to babysit for my nearest neighbour two miles away.

Can I ask - what do you think will happen, if you leave your toddler with a babysitter.

When I babysat a toddler, most of the time she was asleep. Sometimes I would read her books.
The mother left me a list of emergency numbers.

Nothing bad happened in two years

Yes, as someone without family nearby to help it’s really noticeable that it’s only ever those who do have that help who are so casual about hiring babysitters. I actually don’t know a single person who regularly hires a babysitter, just people who don’t need to who think it’s cheap and easy!

Those who do have the family help are always shocked when they’re told that actually it’s nearly £70 to hire a babysitter for an evening out, when you factor in travel time and don’t want to be rushing the night out.

Years ago there were babysitting circles. It didnt cost anything to go out.

I feel you on this OP. We have no family support and I'd not be comfortable leaving my kids with a babysitter until they are 4ish and aren't going to be scared of they wake up and mummy/daddy isn't there. Our youngest is nearly there so we might, finally, get to go out together for the first time in 7 years! Invites to child free weddings generally just the one of us who is actually invited goes. So I went to my uni friends wedding alone, DH went to his cousin's wedding alone.

I will definitely "just get a babysitter" when the kids are older but when they are very little it's not an option imo. And people who have no support genuinely have no idea what it's like.

I’m far from being paranoid but I can’t imagine being comfortable with this.

Besides, it assumes a) everyone has children who b) need a babysitter (no available / willing family) and c) of around the same age.

And not everyone lives on residential streets.

Why would anyone use a stranger.

Don't most people use a neighbour's daughter/ friend's daughter/ daughter of someone they know in a club.

When I was a teenager, I babysitted for my mum's friends, and for my neighbours.

Are babysitting groups based on people in your road or nearby no longer a thing? You got to go and sit in someones house eating lovely snacks watching tv and earning some hours for when you wanted someone from the group to babysit at your house, the group members used to meet every so often so the children knew the babysitters.

I do think once they get to 3/4 if you have some friends from nursery it’s worth creating a babysitting circle if you have a partner who can be home with yours - personally I would make it paid but at a sensible rate like say£8 an hour plus cab - that way it avoids the ‘Sarah always wants sitters but never sits’ scenario .

I agree it's not easy to get a babysitter, I would never have used a stranger. We had no family support so we simply didn't go out as a couple for a few year's & that's not ideal either. It's tough x

I would never, ever trust a stranger to take care of my kids. No matter what.

We have family for help in the day and the occasional overnight, but not evenings.

Ours both are complicated due to health issues and neurodiversity. Both have sleep issues (one medicated), which means that it's about half 10 before both are asleep! One had a physical disability which means that despite being school age she sometimes needs a nappy change due to poo.

They'd both struggle with being left with someone. They both struggle hugely when just one of us is at home in the evening, let alone both of us.

So the very occasional night away courtesy of grandparents or a day time date it is.

When the children were this young we used our nanny to babysit when needed.

We don’t have family very available either, only my mum who has caring responsibilities for my brother so I don’t like to ask her often.

I agree the just ‘get a babysitter’ thing can be annoying. We’ve had people suggest it for weddings hundreds of miles away which is totally unrealistic. I wouldn’t leave with a stranger. My two are 3.5 and 1. We have two trusted babysitters we use every now and then for an afternoon or evening to ourselves. My son’s key worker from nursery and a family friend who‘s a student and works in nurseries. I trust them to do nappy changes, feed, bath them etc. This works well for us but wouldn’t ask a babysitter to do overnight!

Some people can't afford it, either. I worked with a manager who used to be very down on mums/dads needing to know their rotas to arrange childcare; she had grandparents aunts and cousins willing and able to help-and earned a lot so could afford to pay for nursery that suited her and her partner's hours.
Lucky them, but it was sad that she had no sympathy for people who had no family to help/little spare money for paid childcare, so really wanted to know their hours way in advance to get organised.
It's easy for some, not for others, depending on family/money/whether our child has additional needs etc. Ignore people who say just to get a babysitter if it's not easy for you.

Lived abroad for years. If we hadn’t had a babysitter we would never have gone out.

Babysitter getting up with them in the night? Eh?

I agree OP. Whenever I see this response on here I just think.. who?? What “babysitter”. I’m lucky to have very supportive parents who regularly mind our young children but if they weren’t able to I can’t think of a single person we could get. I’m not totally opposed to using an agency but I think my 2 year old would be! and the stress of his reaction to me leaving him with effectively a stranger would make the whole thing not worth it.

I know what you mean op. To me this seems like an alien sort of thing to do and big expense just to go out for a meal with your husband for a simple meal. Lots of people do though. Lots of people on here also put their kids in residential camps so they can go on holiday. That would also be strange to me

Our baby group friends plan nights out where they all get the grandparents in to look after the little ones. Meanwhile we have no local family and my baby won't go down for their dad even.

It might be difficult at first, but then as you get to know people you'll find reliable sitters.

Our neighbours moved in whilst she was pregnant with their first child. They've found babysitters and I've looked after their toddler a couple of times when they've been stuck. It's been fine.

We have twins. NO ONE other than my mother was willing to babysit them when they were under 4yrs old. They were completely terrified by the idea. No one ever offered, and every one always regrettably said no, they couldn't handle it. We did once get one of the young women from their nursery to babysit on the side, but she was £17p/h (quite rightly, she was qualified to a high standard), so it wasn't something we could afford very often.

You’re actually better off them coming before they go to bed. It’s pretty terrifying for a child to go to bed with one adult in the house and wake up with another. I’ve babysat for a friend’s toddler a few times and he goes to bed no problem at all for me (you’d be surprised - even the difficult ones act differently for other adults at bedtime, and childcare professionals especially are very used to getting children to bed). But the one time I babysat after he was already asleep and he woke up, he was not a happy bunny bless him.

Really just here to send you a massive hug 🫂 OP.
My mum is our only babysitter and she is 300 miles away! She's amazing and does her absolute best to visit as often as she can (she prefers to come to us rather than have us come to her as she lives in a small bungalow) but we only get to have an evening out when she is visiting so just a handful of times a year and very often friends have said "just get a babysitter" but leaving my infant DD at home with a kindly stranger just felt too much to me. If something happened I'd never forgive myself.

Now that our DD and her peers are approaching 3 y/o, a couple of my close mum friends and I are tentatively talking about babysitting for each other, but the kids are so little and mixed sleep needs, it is a really big step for all of us, both as parents and as would-be sitters!

Are you looking for babysitting as in a couple of hours while the kids are asleep and you go for dink or the cinema etc or someone to look after them for evening through the night and into next morning?
For the former, teenagers are often used around here, the latter it would usually be family, nursery staff etc

Another one here who used babysitters (and secretly eyeroll when people have all sorts of excuses for not using sitters, and suspect it is just because they don’t want to pay)

To answer OP’s question: none of us have family in this country, so no help on a family basis whatsoever.
From 18mo I hired babysitters: au-pairs/nannies working for friends of mine, someone recommended by a neighbour on my street whatsapp, people recommended by parents at nursery.