To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

We just don't go out at the same time without our children. Yes, it is hard turning down invitations, but I would not leave them with a stranger and we don't have anyone to mind them.

The response from who? Why is your toddler likely to fall down the stairs?
And again, a babysitter does not need to be any random teenager who happens to live nearby.

If you don't want to hire a babysitter, don't. But jumping to bad scenarios with random teenagers in charge is just daft.

I’ve only used one once and I was in the house at the time as I was sick (single parent) and needed a break. I hate the thought of leaving my children with strangers and don’t put my children into summer clubs for this reason. You just don’t know who these people are.

Look. You’re clearly not ready to let someone else watch your children. Accept it, and accept that your current season of life means that you’re not going out in the evenings (unless solo whilst DH stays home).

That must be ‘the weirdest thing extrapolated from a MN post.’

No

I have had babysitters before and will again in the future. But I am not devil may care about it and I don’t open my door and my children’s care to anyone on the basis of a tenuous connection, not because of a dodgy news reader but because people sometimes are not what they appear to be.

Certainly; you said ‘what will you do?’ That is saying that it will happen, rather than what would you do.

An emergency is different to social mixing. I’m afraid I don’t have the money to regularly hire babysitters for childcare. If that means that one day DH or I could die alone in hospital then so be it.

That's your choice when you decide to leave your children with a babysitter. I don't think it's anyone's place to say another parent is being unreasonable because they wouldn't. On the other hand she does leave herself open to criticism when she asks the question.

I asked my brother to change his niece's nappy years ago. He wouldn't do it, he looked scared of poop. There is a bunch of people out there who would find it very difficult.

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies,

Nope.
We never had Grandparent help.
Of course, as I say on all these threads, we never left our dc with "a virtual stranger", and I doubt many people would. That is something usually thrown out by people who either choose to never go out anywhere, or who have plenty of family able and willing to babysit.
But we paid for babysitters from when our first born was quite tiny.
YABU.

This is different, and I sympathise. I have a good friend with a similar DC. He grew ip to become a lovely and successful man, so I hope your DS does also.

Blimey so you don't get babysitters cos of a dodgy news reader?

How does one become tried and trusted without being tried

If you think I implied a foregone conclusion, please show us where.

Are DC used to staying with your friends or having the friends stay with them? My point s that a time of genuine stress is not the time to introduce a new child care system. DC who are used to coping with care from others are much better equipped for this type of emergency.

But then how do you trust anyone? In a babysitting circle, you know the other mums and can tell which ones would be best suited to your children. There was one mum I never asked to sit for my DC because I didn't like how she parented her own children. You can pick people who your children know and like - their friends' mums. I also sometimes asked a school TA who lived near us, and when they were much older, a teenage son of a close friend, who was a really lovely boy, who they adored having as a sitter as they would play footie together then watch films. To get on in life we have to trust the majority of people we come into contact with. We should be cautious, of course, but to never go out because you don't trust anyone else with your child is not necessarily the best solution.

Don’t understand this “stranger” point. Surely the nursery staff were also “strangers” to your child before getting to know them? Just hire them for a very short period once or twice so you can get comfortable.

You know DH dying prematurely in hospital isn’t a foregone conclusion, don’t you?

But generally what you can ask / expect from your good friends in an emergency is different to day to day life.

My youngest has multiple issues and has always been challenging to parent. I tried various babysitters, and they always called me home within an hour or so. I just gave up having a social life.

What will you do?

They won’t be allowed to visit in many scenarios

Of course I don’t, but I’m not going to be inviting people to care for my children in case of that eventuality. That isn’t just a safety concern, it’s a practical and financial one, but the more people I invite to care for my children, the more risk I am introducing.

DH final moments was slightly tongue in cheek. But a significant hospitalisation is less so. And it really can happen to anyone. DC need to be comfortable with the arrangements put in place at the drop of a hat.

If you have a surefire way of avoiding road accidents, household accidents, cancer, pneumonia, heart attack, choking, etc we await its sharing eagerly.

I am fine with sitters. Some here may feel differently and some may need to consider the economic aspect also

Of course to Huw Edwards etc. But his situation involved much older minors.

These other pillars of society, again - of course. But you’ve not suggested any connections to ordinarily prudent child care.

@poetryandwine the thing is I’ve known at least five people who I would have said were above board, respectable members of society, overall good people, who were convicted of sexual crimes against children.

It is unfortunately incredibly common and it really isn’t paranoid or overly hostile to have ‘it could happen here’ (most schools have this as a bit of a mantra) in the back of your mind.

I don’t assume everyone I know is a potential predator. I believe most people are decent, and would help a child rather than hurt them. But the problem is you simply cannot know that for sure. It’s just a matter of applying a bit of caution and care, rather than drawing up the gates and being completely isolated. As much as I’d love to say oh yes … of course it’s only the mums who have boyfriends in and out it just isn’t. Child abuse is one of those things that transcends social class, education and position in society. Huw Edwards should be a cautionary reminder of that fact.

I don't really understand the idea that random people you meet at parents groups or neighbours are somehow better than a babysitter whose references you have checked and who you have got to know?

All of our babysitters have been nursery workers or TAs or teachers and we have checked their references. It's obviously not a guarantee but the risk is very low.