To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

No, and his wasn't - but you can't reason with trauma 🤷

Abusers aren't always strangers

When dc was younger and we lived far from family we did have regular babysitter. It was a worker at her nursery. She was aged 18 when she started and babysat for us at least monthly for 6 years. My friends were also in the same position (no family) and we babysat for each other.

I do think sometimes people don't really understand if they haven't been there. Once I was home alone with one of my children and one of them had severe anaphylaxis and had to get an ambulance. The ambulance crew were asking if I could call someone to come before we went to resus....madness

Nearest family are an hour away, and DH was abused as a child which caused countless trauma so we understandably don't hire strangers. Yanbu.

@poetryandwine it really isn’t important. We aren’t standing trial at the Old Bailey

You seem to think that having regular childcare available is a good idea in case of future emergencies. I don’t disagree with you there. Where we do disagree is that it’s essential and practical.

I can’t afford to regularly hire a babysitter. I only work two days a week for childcare reasons and on those days my DD is in nursery. Like a lot of people with preschool children, I don’t have a lot of spare money.

I also don’t think hiring regular sitters is a solution to one off emergencies as sitters tend to be prearranged and I’m confident friends would help out in a genuine emergency. But there is a difference between an emergency situation and regular arrangements.

Does your children go to school or do you homeschool?
You have to loosen the reins a little or your kids will run when they sniff freedom. Then there is a higher chance of them getting into trouble. They will bang the table and ask you why you didn't. I tried to give my children as many experiences as possible and they still bang the table and tell me what I didn't do.

@weisatted my last post above was a response for you. I forgot to add you.

That's true. I tried to get my 19 year old daughter to sign up to a babysitter website when she was jobless. She has looked after her younger brother so she's capable of looking after children. She wouldn't look after babies.

My 17 year old daughter would. We have a long running joke that she is her brother's second mother. They fight like cat and dog now. She is still good with him and takes him out, and he does listen to her. She wants to be a children's nurse later.

That is extremely rude and abusive.

*drag myself around when ill

Honestly when they were small they went to preschool from 3 but it was in a primary school and several teachers around so that was fine. No I didn’t have them minded/left in a childminders house when they were very small or in friends houses before they were very verbal and a lot older tbh .
I honestly have never come across babysitting circles , I live in a country were not having family support is really , really unusual . My family seem completely normal but will never ever help , under any circumstances, I have absolutely no idea why, I actually helped family quite a lot pre-kids but they are allergic to any responsibility for kids.
That’s their choice , in 15 years no one has ever offered and the extremely odd occasion I asked I was met with excuses and complete avoidance.
Every family is different and what you are comfortable with others might not be .
Once my kids were older we did leave them with our neighbour who is also a teacher so we did eventually learn to trust (not when they were small though) and that night away cost us around €600. I had to pay my neighbour €250 euros for the night. I have loads of friends but they all have family help , I don’t know anyone with family like mine. It would be a big ask to have them nine three extra kids . Most of them have 2/3 kids themselves so even car wise the can’t do it and anyway it’s really not a thing here . Such is life , on one hand it’s made my husband and I very resilient (zero financial , emotional, practical help from any family ) but in another it’s been tough and isolating (despite having lovely friends) and unfortunately it doesn’t make me want to help either now my dcs are getting older and more independent , we’ll enjoy our life!!.
My mil is alone and getting frail , unfortunately she caused issues and work when my dcs were very small , actual extra work when I’d 3 under 6!!!
It’s sad actually as it just creates a cycle of family not helping each other. As is said on Mumsnet over and over no one is obliged to help you. It’s a totally different world though when you have zero support. I’ll never forget having to drag myself around looking after 3 dcs under 6 (dh is fantastic but had to work) and no one helped or came. Again no one is obliged. Also in my country there are no babysitting websites at all, it’s highly unusual not to have support here from family 🤷‍♀️

We differ in our interpretations of that phrase in the context of the entire back and forth between us.

I would be willing to stand with you on a street corner anywhere. If we could persuade a load of passerby to review our full exchange, I would happily give you £1 for each person who agreed I was predicting or asserting something about your DH if you would agree to give me 50p for each person who agreed that I meant ‘What will you do if there is an emergency?’

Our relatives are far away. We have always had neighbours as babysitters, or friends' teenage daughters. But not when the kids were babies/toddlers - we just didn't go out!! Or very occasionally a friend would babysit for us if their partner was at home with their own kids.

Can you hire a babysitting and just go to the park with then the 1st time for a few hours? get them round your house and see how they interact with your kids? Maybe book them one Sat or Sun lunchtime so there would be no bedtime routine straight away? Then when you're happy and your kids seem comfortable you can try going for an early evening meal & see how it goes.

Yes I agree it’s tricky. We used sitters.co.uk which vets all the staff and you can choose which ones to ask to get the same person each time.

That is a very unhealthy and damaging attitude. So, your DC don’t do anything outside the home without you? All because you “don’t know who these people are”?

I have put a lot of expense and effort into finding a nice babysitter. One is a trainee nurse who lives in my building I did several overlap sessions with her so she would know my baby /toddler and his routine and he would feel happy and safe with her. It helps that we regularly sees her and chats to her in our reception are so he remembers her. Now she is fully qualified and busy working she isn’t often free when I want her though! I also have a once a week cleaner and she is a life saver occasionally for babysitting as my son knows her too. This is a good plan if you can afford it.
there is no ‘just get’ about it thoigh its takes effort!

We have 3 children.
Grandparents and siblings living abroad, so yes, we have had babysitters for years. Our oldest child was 16 yo then the youngst child was born which indeed help a lot as she loved babysitting.

Our daughter is babysitting for an agency - both emergency calls and establish clients. She is a midwife doing futher studies at university. She loves it! And can do young babies, SEN and sick children as well.

I am a girl guide leader. I have 15 years olds (and older girls of course) guides who are indeed capable of babysitting toddlers in nappies. The help every week to run the meetings for the younger girls.

They are brillant, clever, hardworking girls trained in first aid. The guides pay for an instructor to come at last evening of our babysitter course so they can get a first aid certificate.
We run it once a year the babysitting course for the girls wanting to. They are quite popular around here for parents to hire.

I sometime babysit for neighbours or church members if needed. My youngst child is in secondary school. I like young children - we have fun. Not all people are strangers to children.

Why do posters refer to virtual strangers being used as babysitters? We’ve used babysitters since DT’s were six months old. No family in the same country to help but we used nursery staff and teenager children of friends. People DT’s knew and we trusted.
Meant that DH and I got to go out together every Friday.

What do parents do if they don’t have family to help out and won’t use babysitters - never go out as a couple?

Not all agencies have a blanket ban - we use a local agency rather than a national one, run by a lovely lady you can call and speak to about what you need. She has a lot of babysitters on her books who have experience - our regular babysitter is a teacher at a special school and most of her other clients have children with disabilities

I think what is most irritating about the OP is this claim that people who suggest babysitters all have grandparent support and have never done so.

That is just not true - many of us on this thread do regularly use babysitters and don't have grandparent support

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to - but it's not a made up thing, many many parents do use babysitting services as is bloody obvious from the number of agencies and ads

I babysat SEN children as a student nurse. I would put up a poster around student nurses. I was quite common to do.

I would never ‘get a babysitter’ I’d rather not go out. The idea of a random person looking after my child makes me uneasy, mainly from a safeguarding perspective.